The Night Everything Changed

Chris lay in his bed tossing and turning as he slept. The weather outside was violent with rain as it hit the window. All of a sudden, his dream started to come in flashes at first; flashes of the night his life was changed, the night he lost the only love of his life. The dream finally came together like an image on a movie screen. Chris and Lauren were running and were finally trapped on the rooftops of some unknown city in Japan. They had been running for so long that all of their surroundings had eventually become a blur. Five cloaked men began to walk towards them; four of them were larger than a normal man, well over six feet tall. There was one who stood in the middle, shorter than the rest, but the most powerful among them. He stood with a cruel smile as his guards flocked on either side of him. Chris stood in front of Lauren to shield her from their attackers. As he did so the clouds in the sky began to turn black and heavy rain began to fall. He knew this night would come, but didn't expect it to be so soon. They were surrounded by the cloaked men and the only way for escape was the sixty foot drop off the building. 

  

 Chris knew he could live if he took the jump but Lauren wouldn't make it. It was in that moment Chris made up his mind to would protect Lauren as long as long as he could. He stared at the cloaked figures as they stood in front of him. Chris knew he was out-numbered, out-powered, and out aged by over 300 years.  

  

"I can get through two on a good day, but not four. I'm surely going to die tonight, but as long as I am alive; I'm going to take as many of them as I can with me."  

  

Chris turned and looked at Lauren. The rain had drenched them both and made her hair cling to her smooth, slightly tan face. He kissed her gently and then hugged her taking in her scent one last time. The moment he let go he bolted for the closest one to him. He caught him off guard hitting him with a right hook, knocking him to the ground. Chris, with lighting fast speed, hit the second closest to the left and was able to stun him, but was hit from behind with a blow to the head before he could finish anyone off. Chris hit the rain soaked roof with a thud. The next thing he knew; two strong arms picked him up as they made him stand. The one of the larger cloaked figures stood behind him and pulled his head back to look up at the leader of the men. The cloaked figure stood in front of Chris with power. He then removed his hood. Chris's worst fear came true, the only person he knew wanted him dead. Dastan. He had pale white skin and blood red eyes knowing only hate and murder. Datsan smiled evilly at him.  

  

"Christopher it's so lovely to see you again."Datsan said at first as Chris jolted forward to attack but was held back by his captives. "Oh you don't look happy to see me, and after our long history together. That really hurts my FEELINGS!" he yelled as he punched Chris in the stomach with a shot that would have killed any human man. From the force of the blow Chris falls to his knees and water splashed from under him. Datsan and his guards laughed; Lauren started to run to Chris but the last two of the men grabbed her from behind and held her back to watch.  

  

"Pick him up! I want him to see what he brought upon himself!" Dastan yelled as the two men held Chris back on his feet and the one on his right pulled his head back to watch. "This abomination should have never been created, but I am under orders not to kill you. But how I long to rip you apart and feel your life leave your body!" 

  

 Dastan yelled as they all laughed and watched with enjoyment. Chris heard Lauren starting to cry as she watch and finally could not watch anymore.  

  

"Stop! Don't hurt him anymore please!!" she yelled as tears started to fall from her face. They ignored her and laughed.  

  

"If I can't kill you what should I do?" Dastan asked to himself. But the one holding Lauren spoke up first.  

  

"Let's kill him anyways!" one said with almost a sound of pure excitement in his voice. One might compare it to a child's cry for joy when being told he was going to an amusement park.  

  

"Why don't we kill her boss, I'm having a hard time not doing it myself. She smells so good." the one holding her said as he sniffed her neck.  

  

"No let’s feed off her and make her lover watch!" said the figure holding Chris's head back. Datsan's eyes lit up with enjoyment and Chris started to fight as hard as he could against the men that held him back. 

  

"Silence!" Dastan yelled as he raised his hand to quiet them. At once they were silent and awaiting orders. After a moment Dastan spoke. "My boys it looks like we are going to have a little snack after all." He then turned his head back to Chris.  "Tonight you will see what you've brought upon yourself and what will happen if you don't obey our laws, and what will happen if you have romances with humans again." Dastan paused briefly as he then looked back around at his guards, who were staring at Lauren like lions about to pounce on their prey, 

  

"Boys... its dinner time!" Dastan yelled as they all cheered.  

  

"No!! Dastan if you hurt on single hair on her head, I will not stop until I kill you!" Chris yelled as Dastan began to make his way over towards her, but stopped when he heard Chris's threat. An even more sinister smile played his lips at he commanded his garudes holding Lauren. 

  

 "Bring her over here to him I don't want him to miss this!" Dastan yelled as he then plucked a single hair from Laurens head, pulled it tight right in front of Chris, and broke it. Chris began to fight and struggle against his captors, but it was no use.  

  

Lauren, with tears in her eyes, looked at Chris. She was able to lean forward and kiss him. As they kissed he could taste the saltiness of her tears mixed with rain on her lips. As she pulled away she said one final thing. "I love you.." At the end of her sentence he saw Lauren's eyes grow wide in pain and horror.  Dastan bit into her neck and began to feed; looking right into Chris’ eyes as he feeds. Chris started to fought and managed to break loose for a moment, but was knocked back to the ground with a hit to the back of the head.  Dastan removed his mouth from her neck to reveal the bleeding wounds and blood dripping from his mouth. Lauren began to scream as Chris could only watch. As Dastan pushed her down onto the roof top, and her blood began to cover the roof. He came to Chris and began to beat him as the others left to feed on Lauren. Finally Dastan stop and Chris could no longer move as the rain fell. His eyes were open but could only see a few inches in front of him.  He could hear their laughs and the screams of pain as the rain on the rooftop washed away her blood. The dream faded to blackness and Chris could still hear Lauren's screams echoing for what seemed like hours. He was finally woken by the radio going off and the song "Dream on" by Aerosmith was playing. After a minute he reached over, turned off the radio, and got out of bed. 

Reviews

[Neva Flores Smith - Cha..]

What a horrible dream. This story begins with high action that holds a readers attention.........

[Ashley]

I like this. However, it could flow better. You should say who Chris and Laurn are in the first part. Say what they are to eachother.
Nonetheless, I do enjoy this piece. More people should read it.

[Vanessa Rico]

There were a few errors here and there like 'aspect', when I think you meant expect. Regardless of the minor errors, this was good and I enjoyed reading it.

[Brittni]

I still enjoy the first chapter very much I almost started to cry when Lauren and Chris shared their final kiss and yet it's haunting me. I'll be thinking about this the rest of the day while I'm at work :D great job darling

[Dante Balsote]

Bad's:

I was thinking how Chris and Lauren could have been "drenched in rain" when they were a moment ago sleeping on bed.

Also, in the sentence, "as he removed his hood Chris's worst fear came true", you can remove "true". What kind of sentence is "his fear came true"?

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Good's:

The "intro" of the book (first chapter) has captivating scenes. The "inconsistencies" I mentioned as "bad's" provide a dreamy quality/atmosphere. Hope these "inconsistencies" will be gone when Chris is awake.

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To ponder and weigh:

I was wondering how the "brutal" men in cloak could have allowed Lauren and Chris to kiss. They just don't fit on their characters. But that was all a dream of course. But just in case it slipped the author's notice...

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Great write.

[nono]

Oh this is beautiful! And if you really want to pull people in write the prologue so we can get a strong idea! You did a wonderful job with presentation and a wonderful job period it's so descriptive wonderful!