I - Come and Sit by the Fire...

'Come and sit by the fire and I will tell you my story'

 'I am old now and my bones are cold, but the warmth from the fire gives me enough strength and in it there is a light, there is a memory and a tale to tell. Looking into the flames, my eyes are taken away and I am in the world of the past. Although it was many years ago, it is a clear and unerring place and it is as though it was only yesterday. First of all, I will always remember the place of my birth.'

[][][][]

 

The southern British kingdom of Arun was all too aware of the imminent invasion from mainland Europa and so prepared itself for war. Its king, Duerra had three sons and he used each for a different aspect of the preparation. The eldest son, Alfos was to make ready for war and so spent much of his time amassing an army and constructing defences. The second son, Bezon was given the task of gathering information and was sent abroad as a spy, under the guise of a peace envoy offering a truce. The third son, Caratacos, who was considered a fool and a weakling was in charge of the elderly king's escape route; should it be necessary.

 

In Rome, at the heart of the empire of Italia a new emperor named Cicero had been appointed and as all emperors before him he needed to find a way to prove himself, to prove he had been in office, to make a permanent mark so he would be remembered in the pages of history. He had come to power when the empire had grown to its fullest, quite naturally, over a period of several centuries. All the countries in the known world that could provide benefit to Rome were conquered and part of a huge supply chain. It seemed there was nothing more to do, but looking over at the map of the world again, his eyes were in some desperation drawn to the outlying extremities of the empire. There was the cold and desolate island, sub-continent of Briton, that according to most recent surveillance was inhabited only by savages and feuding tribes. It had nothing to offer in terms of produce and certainly posed no threat, but it would make a morale boosting victory and expansion, if conquered. Further up the map, to the north of already colonised Germania, the icy Norselands sat, waiting to be plucked. They also posed no threat, but would nicely complete the Italia map of its empire. Then to the west the recent uprising in already colonised Spania needed to be quashed; it was unacceptable and could not be seen to be allowed to continue. These three remaining areas of Europa would be perfect for Cicero’s opening address, all he had to do was sell the benefit of expansion to the fickle masses in the main arena as part of his inauguration ceremony.

 

‘Now you are sat in the warm let the story go on’ 

 

Author's Note

Story of 34 chapters. Completed Saturday 1/1/22, being released as an E-book on Amazon

Reviews

[Michael Keyes]

In interesting opening, certainly has me curious and wanting to read more. Only a couple of things I want to mention with this chapter:

. "He had come to power at a time when the empire had grown to its fullest, quite naturally over a period of time". I don't think you need to use "time" twice in this sentence. Also, perhaps you could specify how long the Empire has been growing?

. "Further up the map the Norselands sat, waiting to be plucked, they also posed no threat, but would complete the Italia map of Europa." I think this sentence would be better as two. "...waiting to be plucked. They also posed no..."

Besides that, this is a good opening chapter and I'm curious to read on.

[Kathy Van Kurin]

'come and sit by the fir...'
Leigh,
This was a joy to read. I found the ancient stage an enticing place to enter the beginning of your characters and what and how they would come to be. Looking forward to the next story.
Kathy

[Irenic]

A very amazing starting and love the character of the king. Keep on writing. Love it. Thanks for sharing.

[Valentine]

Looks like the start of another must read. Valentine

[Greg Agee]

You are straight up talented. Great writing as always. Thank You.

[BL]

You are welcome and thank you

[Kaliope]

Before I start let me assure you that I do not intend to be mean, I'm just giving my honest opinion and that is in no way absolute. It is just that - an opinion. Others seemed to have enjoyed the chapter, so if you feel that my feedback is too harsh or my critique unjustified, it is your prerogative to ignore or even delete it. Thank heaven there are different people in the world and not all of us think/like/read/write the same :-)

That said, I'm afraid I have several problems with your text. Even though it is really short, I had troubles to stay focused and that is a result of the way it is told. I'm sure you've heard the maxim "Show, don't tell" as all of us have heard ad nauseam, but there is a good reason why people keep saying that. The problem with dry narration is that it doesn't draw the reader in, it doesn't get him or her invested in what is happening. Many readers - myself included - need someone to relate to, someone we care about before we care about the events around him or her.

There is also another rule (incidentally attributed to Cicero ;-)) called the five Ws; a writer should usually address those in a story - Who, when, where, what and why. In this story there's just someone telling me to sit down. I don't know who it is, whether it's a man or a woman, I don't know where or when we are and why I should listen to this stranger. In fact, I honestly don't want to without more information.

On a technical level stronger verbs and active voice would give the text more of a spark.

I believe you've got a great story in your mind, and I'm sure the events are fascinating, but the style doesn't appeal to me, I'm sorry. If you need concrete technical advice there are a few online resources I could point you to. However, if you feel this is exactly the style you want to go for - by all means, keep it. As said, different people like different things and diversity is a wonderful concept.

Cheers,

Kaliope

[richieb]

Be, I really like the opening paragraph of you story. In a short amount of space you have set the main plot and introduced some of the main characters, creating interest. Since you are stepping in the "Masters" territory, Bernard Cornwell, you will held to the highest standards and harshest critique. Just kidding, but I have read at least 12 or more of his books and many 2-3 times. I like your start and will read more. Richie B.

[Confuser]

B: Think it's a great beginning. The concept is inviting and your language skills are very good; You pulled me in with a great opening paragraph; very well written. I'm not too concerned with grammar; not that I could identify anyway, not my forte, but as for content, great work. Please continue writing, and do not be discouraged by nay-sayers, I just simply do not understand people that critique but with a great chapter like this cannot find anything nice to say. The title is good, your style is informable and easy to read; you have a broad audience and I thank you very much. I haven't written many stories, but have read quite a few. Great job. Thank you. Look forward to reading more.

[BL]

Thank you for all your comments on all the chapters, you are inspiring me to write more. It is nice to have a fan and I am glad you are enjoying reading as much as I am
writing. This is a complete story and I will try and keep you in suspense.

[Confuser]

B: It is actually becoming a "thriller." You're welcome, but actually I am enjoying it and learning so much from you. Thanks. Dale

[MomzillaNC]

Interesting that you named your emperor for a philosopher who was assassinated for his speeches AGAINST the Roman emperor.

NOTES: Some of your sentences are run-ons. I recommend breaking them down into multiple sentences.

[BL]

Thank you for your review, I will look at and adjust. I appreciate your views

[MomzillaNC]

yw :)

[BL]

Yw? Please do not relate to Roman history, this story is completely fictional and only has references when handy for me :-)

[MomzillaNC]

YW = You're welcome. And, I'll keep in mind that this is fiction. But, I do think any reader even moderately versed in history is going to draw similar comparisons. You might want to further differentiate your place names in a final draft before publication.

[BL]

The fact that you have picked up on that is good and the reaction I wanted. Which place names should I change?

[MomzillaNC]

It's your story. But, if it was me, I'd come up with completely original place names.

[BL]

I see what you mean, got any ideas?

[MomzillaNC]

Maybe something akin to lesser known place names. For example, instead of "Italia" you could use something like "Etruscia" from "Etruscan." I think most folks aren't that familiar with Etruscan and Rome gobbling up the Etruscan territories was the catalyst for the iconic Roman cultural development. Maybe pull one of the old Celtic names for British-esque territories in your story. For example, if you have a Spanish-ish territory, look to the Carthaginian or Celto-Iberian place names.

[Belle]

I really enjoyed reading this first chapter! You weave in the context of your world effortlessly, retaining a sense of realism but also creating a mystical atmosphere. I have no complaints about your narrative; it's fantastic! My only qualm would be a small grammar mistake - you have written "it's king, Duerra" when you should have put "its king, Duerra". "It's" is the abbreviated form of "it is". Otherwise, wonderful work!