A Story by BL

300 words

One of her hobbies was night walking and often during the week, late in the evening she would set off dressed for a hike. I wasn't that worried about her as she looked quite formidable, a figure of strength and capability in her knee length waterproof overcoat and hat with its own guttering for rainstorms. I watched her as the scurry of her feet took her up the hill, her scarf waving in the breeze. Behind her the moon stood full and bright, unblinking. She looked happy as though she had reached where she wanted to be, like in a warm embrace. At the top she paused, hovering her shoes an inch above the pavement, considering each area of ground below, savouring every step.

While I was spending the hours reading and watching TV, with the rain lashing on the window she would be out pacing the streets. Later I would be closing the house, turning off lights and pulling the curtains to. and would stare out at the night and she'd be in it, in its depths.

She wouldn't come back for many hours and usually return in the middle of the night at four o clock. She would come in quietly enough, but then would rattle around in the kitchen jangling cutlery and putting away crockery. I would be awake with the moonlight on my face, just listening. The kettle would boil, a teaspoon would clink and then her footsteps would bump up the stairs.

Sometimes I would call across the hall 'Did you have a good walk?'

'Yes,' she'd shout back,

'No problems then?'

'No of course not,' she'd say defensively.

'Good, goodnight then,'

'Good night dear. Sorry if I woke you.' By that time I was fast asleep, i just wanted to know she was safe.

© 2019 BL

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I enjoyed reading your story. I could see the hill, the woman walking in the dead of night, and feel the love that is had for her.
Thanks for sharing. =-)

Posted 7 Months Ago

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Interesting and leaves me with wanting to know more. As someone who also likes to walk alone in the depths of silence with my thoughts I wonder what she is thinking or processing alone in the night.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 Year Ago

Is that good? That you want to know more or is it frustratingly bad?
My apologies, I've been out of touch for a while for personal reasons, hence the late response.

Posted 1 Year Ago

This is so simple and mesmerising. Something about this piece takes you to a dreamland, and it stands out in it's crispness. Thank you for this.

Posted 1 Year Ago

short but it kept my interest wanting more as I read it nicely done

Posted 2 Years Ago

How we interact and learn to accept our differences while appreciating our presence... I liked this one - it reahed way inside and caressed my heart.

Posted 2 Years Ago

I enjoyed visualising the intense emotions through the lenses of trivial activities: a walk during the night, or the kettle boiling. It's amazing that two universes come toghether in such a natural way: one that is mysterious, synonymous with the quiet night, and the other that is predictable, trivial. I get a sense of resemblance with the legend of the nightwalker, but in your story it gives the impression that the myth and the reality coexist peacefully, transforming negativity into something much more beautiful. Great job! :)


Posted 2 Years Ago

I have to say I enjoy the story. It does feel like a small part to a bigger story but either way, my mind filled in the 'who' of who she is. In my mind, she is Nyx, the Goddess of the Night, but that is the great part about the way you wrote it. The lady could be anyone that the reader wants. I also understand if this is just a tiny part of a bigger story. It would be a great start to something bigger.
There is only one thing I would change at the moment, (let me read it again and I might find something else) but it is the line " I watched her as the scurry of her feet took her up the hill." You don't need the "of her feet," part, because scurry let the reader know it is her feet doing the work. I think I would write as "I watched her as she scurry up the hill," or something along those lines.
Other than that I think the work is done well and if it is part of a bigger story then I would love to read the rest.

Posted 2 Years Ago

It appears that a great deal of this story never made it to the page. And what didn't, is the words that would have given the reader context to know who the unknown "she" is, and what relationship she has with the unidentified, ungendered speaker. We would know where we are in time and space, and what, about her walks, and what happens afterward, is special enough that the reader wants to know that it happened. After all, I take walks. Were you burning to know that? If not, are you sure the reader is thrilled to know that she does?

My point is that readers give you their time. In exchange they want more than to learn that someone unknown, of unknown age and status, sometimes took walks to unknown places and then came back with no problems encountered. Since we know so little about her motivation for taking them, what's the payoff for the reader in entertainment value? Perhaps were she to come back with blood on her cheeks...were to cook something unknown that she brought back, but which smelled of...

Suppose you changed the story and said that she liked to sit in the bathroom for a long time reading on the throne at night. How does the story change really from the reader's viewpoint? Someonme they know nothing about still did something for unknown reasons.

What I'm getting at is that telling a story isn't a matter of giving the reader information as to what happened. That's a report, and who reads reports for fun? Readers want you to involve them to the point where they feel as if they're living the story in real time, not hearing about it. Readers want things to go wrong, to challenge the protagonist, so they can share the struggle.

You wrote this, so you know all the background, and who the characters are. For you, every line is a pointer to images, ideas, and more, stored in your mind. So the story lives...for you. You can feel what the character feels, and know the ambiance of the place where it takes place. The reader? For them, every line is a pointer to images, ideas, and more, stored in YOUR mind. And since you're not there to clarify when it's read...

You did ask...

Posted 2 Years Ago

Enjoyed the walk under moonlight! A meticulous description with a poetic aura! A lovely read!

Posted 2 Years Ago

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28 Reviews
Shelved in 3 Libraries
Added on December 2, 2015
Last Updated on September 23, 2019
Tags: Night, walk, walker, streets, countryside, poem, poetry, short, words, 300



United Kingdom

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