4 HELP FROM MY SPIRIT

An old man that has taken in the world will obey God but a young man dazzled by miracles will not. I have seen the world how I made it work when I wanted it to bad enough or needed it to bad enough. There was a power at work in my life. I never would have guessed it was me doing things that only a strong witch could do.

I was afraid of nothing but tornadoes because of the funnel cloud that passed over our yard when I was two and a voice said to me, “Stay where you are Jack,” and I promised I would but there was no way anyone was behind me to say that so spirits other than the genuine Most High God and Jesus were something I accepted from a very early age but so was a fear of tornadoes which died one day when I had a storm rain on the back half of my care at about eighteen and leave the front half dusty and dirty. I was in control of the weather or could control it. I have so many stories that others might call miracles and attribute them to God and much of the time it was God though I never went to church. Me and God were buddies. He's loved since I was born.

“Some times I had to be crazy. I was looking for a savior and I knew you were it. Now to contain you and bring you to it. I thought I had failed. Then you delighted me in a most surprising way. You said you did not want to be anymore. You wanted to just not be which now you say was never actually so.

You did what I wanted you to do most of the time. It was those times when angry or taking the least favored's part that worried me. I could not control you on my own I needed your mother's help. You disobeyed her once but the rest of the time you did anything she said in whatever condition you were in. How I envied her. You heard my voice in her and even sometimes prayed to her God when you really did not know what to do. But that was not you, but the one that died in Zanidu. Now you are a warrior and you obey me when the warrior side of you is not in control. What we could do if you would but obey me in war as we fought side by side but you fought alone too much for too long I am afraid for you to ever take direct orders from me.”

“Do not give up on me. I know the chances are small but I know that there is so much more we might do together also.”

An old man is servant to his younger will when it works well. To teach an old man he is but a child when it comes to war requires that you beat him and beat him again and again until his own will changes to accept your knowledge over his will. You beat me every time and forced this very fine heaven upon us against our will.

Now will you listen to me? The hardest part, the time when a warrior must lay down his sword and shield and learn to plow and to plant is at hand is upon you though a mightier warrior my eyes have never seen. Even David is second to you and you are the wiser between you and Solomon. But David was not Solomon and Solomon was not David and neither is alike to this day. David must die and him wiser than Solomon must live. The time for battle between me and thee is over and no one else dares pick up their sword for or against you. All are in fear of you. If it were a matter of changing your mind I would win I know, but this is a matter of changing your will which I have no means or tools to use to reshape it.”

“As in my warrior and building days I always did what I willed but I always gave it to you. It is my will to honor you. Teach me how to honor you with a new will, one I too can live with. You have been around for hundreds of trillions of years surely there is something I have never thought or willed for you to have me encounter. I stand naked before you. Your truth has stripped me of my armor and my clothing is not around me. This is me. Do as you will with me to bring honor to you.”

“I will try but you must stay willing and willing your will to be my will.”

“Tell me to do anything even to destroying myself or to giving up writing and that I will do and more.”

“Keep your promise to me and let that be the end to the matter.”

The death of a warrior is required of me. It is not going to be as easily done as to destroy an outraged pacifist that is as sharp as I am. But I must fight myself to take up my Father's way. So be it. I like my Father can do anything to anyone and for anyone. But this is different. I battle to overcome myself and lose to my Father's will in all his knowledge. The way is unknown to me except for when I was out of control and I would yield to my mother when even not so young and even in insanity.

Then I wanted peace. I knew I was out of control and that she held her flashlight on the right path and all I had to do was follow her home to bed to sleep and to hell with tomorrow. The genuine God Most High is not the image of peace to me but the fiery head of my horse as I ride into the fray alone and soon the enemy quits or dies and sometimes both.

But in my heart I know he loves me and has my best in him and his best is my best for a task that I must learn or die. He means to attempt at least to save me from destroying myself whom I do not know in this environment, whom no one has ever seen of me and even my mother does not know a peace great enough to sooth me to take up what to me is disgrace to learn something greater than to fight to the death if needed, the fight to overcome that even as he and I triumphed him over evil me over insanity and infirmity of mind. This fight is to learn how not to fight but how to serve though I never once called for a servant in all my battles but understand nothing of the second seat when danger comes to me or those or that I hold dearest.

Father! Oh great and knowledgeable Father! I die! I am yours. Your servant or I am dead with no desire to live except that I might just write forevers never ending and by and large be useless to the heavens and the earth I am God of and shame myself by saying that for no one not you the genuine God Most High is actually a God which leaves me either a liar which I hope I am or insane which I cannot endure having come upon me again. Father tell me as the phony I AM would do, what is it I need?”

“You my Son must learn greatness.”

“May it not be only my greatness but greatness for all the good Gods and for every earth and every heaven; greatness of mind, spirit, and will the likes of which only you know.”

“I will teach you greatness that satisfies every challenge to your throne a greatness no man or God has ever known.”

“That I might rule forevers without end?”

“Yes. It is yours alone. You have been the greatest warrior ever seen. You have been the grandest champion there can be. The challenge I place before you is greatness not servant hood. Everyone will look to you and you alone.”

“Surely you will yet be there to advise me and my seat will be due to you always. How may I be so great when the greatest is already among us.”

“I will advise. But not so that it will be known until my services are needed no more and you will seek my advisement while it is already known to you. Until then we will be inseparable.”

“Will you teach me this, my Father, as you have taught me to take all this for your glory alone by pitting yourself against my throne until at last I do not make the cut and it is yours alone as it should have always been.”

“There will be some of that in every scenario once you learn what greatness is for you were born for this. You will be more than any king or God that was or is or shall ever arise or I will have failed you, if you do not fail me this last of times.”

“How does one accept such a thing I know not.”

“You vowed to love Jesus a lifelong nemesis and love him indeed and in spirit. Vow now to take my greatness upon you and make it your own. Then take it far beyond any greatness I have known to the greatness that is thine own. But I warn you. There is little peace when one sits on a throne everybody desires. All that you have even yourself they will try to strip you of in jealousy. Greatness is needed for all without malice in jealousy but competition in heart. Challenge me I am a fool to be jealous of anyone.

You were jealous when I AM used that lie to nearly steal your throne which would have been your death. You were wise and have put him and that trickster that stole even my name because he knew I was jealous for it and nearly killed me when you killed him and have finally put a permanent end to him to save yourself from the likes of him.

Yes, I will teach you. You are old, but you are just a child of a God. I will teach your God and your aged side will care neither to the left or the right of anything you say. Yes, indeed, they will worship you and your ancient man on earth will be among the throng. I have made you this promise and unless all else fails I will keep it as I have kept every promise but one to remain good when the best I could do was both in what was my humble illness. I know I can keep this promise if you keep your own and present to me our God and not that old man that wants nothing of anyone but to just sit and smoke until his body cannot do it if not until it can do nothing.”

“I will. I do. And, it will be said, 'He always did.'”

But I drivel on. It was only a scenario my brain thought might be in the mind of God but it was not.

“To say such things shows me you need no teaching in greatness. You are God. You were born for this purpose.”

“This was weird. What caused you to write such a thing?”

“I asked you as Jesus taught to ask the Father what they needed since he knew what it was before they asked him. My large brain must have written the scenario that makes good copy.”

“I do not do things like that.”

“No I your brain did not.”

“Then you spirit?”

“Yes, I did it. I knew it was all that is left for you and for anyone to challenge you is foolishness and that you would be great but no greater than all that reality you made that Me adopted. If it was wrong to so lie I apologize. But do not condemn me please. I saw what you needed again, to feel you do not need any help. It is my hope that everyone forgives me my pretending and the use of their name.”

“You the genuine God Most High?”

“I even yet do not see what you did it for.”

“For him, for God to regain or to restore to him his confidence.”

“There are other ways. But you spirited me away. I actually thought I was bonding with God Most High.”

“Forgive me?”

“It was nothing. It was intended to be nothing. It worked though there was nothing to it. It was mere pretending. There is nothing to forgive. But it was weird. I agree with God. Please do not do it again.”