Chapter #4

I fell back to sleep an hour later. The boys awoke me at 7:00pm. I yelled at them and they only laughed. I just pushed past them. It was the night of the full moon and I couldn’t wait for the boys to see my wings.

 

I was sitting in the kitchen when the boys walked in. Their mouths dropped. They had noticed my wings. I just sat there and didn’t look at them, I wanted them to say something but they didn’t. I just left the silence spread over us. I was about to say something but one of boys said something.       

 

 “ What’s with the wings?” I just sat there. I didn’t know how to explain it to them. I suddenly found myself explaining and apologizing to them about not telling them sooner. When I finished I was crying and my wings were becoming more solid. Mikhal placed his arm around me and hugged me close. I cried into his shoulder until I could cry no more.

 

“ Feeling better now?” Narcusiss said as Mikhal moved away. My wings were no longer solid but barely visible. I nodded.

 

“ Yeah thanks for understanding. I knew that my kind were wrong. They said that you wouldn’t be able to take in what I am and that my wings appeared at the full moon.” I said, walking out to the lounge room. I stood by the window and looked out it. Narcusiss walked up behind me and said something in German. I turned to face him.

 

“ Say that in English for me.” I said. He repeated it and I understood what he had said. He told me to not worry about the them, that they were perfectly alright with me being an angel and that they expected something from me. They always thought that I was different. Exotic.

 

I left the boys at home and walked into the woods not far from the dorms. I wanted to be alone. I was going to try to get home. I wanted to visit Sheena’s grave. I wanted to kill the executioner and make him pay for what he did to my best friend. I sat on a fallen tree and made sure I was calm. I said two words and found myself on a different fallen tree in the angel world, just outside a small graveyard.

 

I walked into the small graveyard and walked until I found the newest grave. It was Sheena’s grave. It was so covered with flowers and items that I couldn’t figure out what they were. I wanted to throw myself to my knees and cry my heart out. But I didn’t. I noticed that I wasn’t alone. Several official angels had appeared and were surrounding me. I waited until they were almost within touching distance before I talked.

 

“ Who killed Sheena? I want to know so that I can kill him and add another grave to this graveyard.” I said loudly. All the angels stopped moving. One in particular was standing further away. I walked up to him and spoke into his face.

 

“ It was you wasn’t it? You killed her and now you will pay for it.” I said before I attacked him. I didn’t stop until he was dead. The other angels grabbed me and took me to the head council of angels. I struggled and they had to knock me out.

 

I awoke to find myself in a small cell, only just big enough for me to move around. I looked out the window and waited until the guards realized that I was awake. Minutes flew by and I just stayed where I was. Two guards appeared.

 

 “ The council wants to see you. You must come with us right now.” One said. He was beautiful. His hair fell in gentle golden-brown curls and his eyes were bright blue. I nodded and followed him down the corridor. We walked into the council chamber and stood before them. I felt that I was equal to his strength and speed. The council filed in and the judgment started.

 

“ You have been charged with killing another angel and returning before finishing your punishment. Do you have anything to say in your defense?” The eldest council member said. I nodded before speaking.

 

“ I only returned because I found out my best friend Sheena was executed and I wanted to visit her grave. I only killed the angel because he killed her. I wanted revenge for her. He didn’t deserve to live.” I was crying. I wanted to return to my friends back on earth. I continued to cry. The council was about to pass judgment.

 

“ You are to never return here until earth is saved and your wings are being taken from you after you arrived on earth. Now Boudoir take her back to earth.” I was relieved that they weren’t going to execute me. Boudoir walked me out into the courtyard.

 

“ I’m going to take you back but if you promise me not to return I will let you keep your wings. Do you promise?” He asked as he turned away.

“ I promise. Thank you.” I said moving in front of him. Boudoir grabbed my arm and we disappeared. We re-appeared on earth. I walked away from him. He went away.

Reviews

[Miss Coral]

That was an almost random outburst of anger... there has been no description of emotional turmoil in connection with Sheena.. I would try to make her anger a bit more evident. Also, her killing the angel seemed uncharacterlike. Not because she killed him, but because she had no real reason to think he had killed her. She didn't even know if the executioner was there. And why would she go after the executioner? Why not the ones who gave her the sentence of death?
I would add in some more subtle description.. I know that this phrase is a bit overused, but it really does help.. "Show, don't tell." This means don't just say, "The sky was blue, and filled with clouds." Say something more like, "The uninterrupted azure of the sky calmed me, as I raised my head to heavens in anguish. Sheena was dead." You want descriptions to be about the people in your story. You want everything to help further the plot. Every word counts, but setting is still super important. Something like your last sentence could be lengthened.. how did he disappear? Did she turn back to see him, and he was just gone? Did she feel his presence leave? Did she hear him?

Overall, this was another nice piece. I think with some description and more transition it could be even better. Nice job.