Deal With The Devil

 

I was scared. I had no idea what was going on. What would my parents think of me now? I had just made a deal with the devil.

 

 

What did i just do? I had done it i had actually done it! I felt relief flow through me. It was over i could relax. Well at least I thought i could. “Melissa" someone whispered in my ear. I whipped my head around searching for the mysterious voice. "Wh-who are you?" i stuttered scared. Was my terrible deed coming back to haunt me? "Your worst nightmare" it whispered again. I was now terrified. I had not meant to kill him but it had all happened so fast i had hardly noticed it happened.

 

+++FLASHBACK+++

 John my stalker who had tried to hurt and kill me on many occasions had been killed. By me. It was an accident i swear. We were just at the wharf where i had come for my usual night time walk and there he was. Watching me. I had asked what he was doing, well more like screaming, and he had just stood there staring at me like some psychopath. I had lost it and just snapped, walking up to him i had screamed in his face told him to stop following me and just to leave me alone. He just stood there and it fuelled my anger even more. i had started pushing him and yelling at him again. I had no idea how close the edge of the cliff was as i was yelling and pushing him he stayed silent still.

 

I stopped again and took a big breath and looked at him. He just stared back and started talking. "Hi Melissa I have watched you for a very long time, I want to let you know that i love you and want to be with you. Now just come with me and I’ll take you back to my place so we can finally be together" he paused as if to let me take all this in. I was shocked to say the least. Was he serious I mean I hardly knew him, I couldn’t believe he actually thought I would agree with him and just go of I was only 17 for Christ sake! He continued as if nothing was wrong "Don’t worry about anything I already have a letter ready for your parents explaining that you have run away so you’re all set" he finished with a grin. I saw a twisted glint in his eyes that told me he was mad. He tried to grab me but i just reacted instantly and made a huge mistake. I was scared and didn't know what to do so i just did the first thing that came to my mind and pushed him so he could go away. I saw a look of shock flash across his face as he fell.

 

I looked down at him shocked as he fell screaming out while he fell to his doom. The piercing scream was cut of suddenly and I let out a little whimper and I slowly looked down to the cliff and saw a horrible site. There was blood all on one of the rocks. I could see that one of the sharp rocks had gone right through his stomach. I gasped putting one hand on my mouth I slowly walked away from the edge. I was appalled; I couldn’t believe I had actually done that. It was my fault that he was dead. My fault that he was now down there on that rock. I felt tears leak through my eyes and fall down my face. My stomach was in knots as I walked away, my walk quickly turning into a backwards jog, my gaze still out to the sea, to the cliff, to john. I turned away and started to run back down but with the tears in my eyes it was making my sight burly. I tripped a lot of times nearly falling down until I finally broke down, tripping and just curled into a ball.

 

I was sitting there just crying my eyes out for John, myself and the life that was lost tonight. As I was laying there I didn’t see the person come up behind me. He held his hand out to me and I finally noticed and took it. He smirked down at me and pulled me up. "Wh-wh-who are you?" I asked stuttering. "Why my dear Melissa I’m the devil" my heart stopped and I froze. "W-what?" I was freaked out to near insane. He just smirked at me again "oh you know Lucifer, Satan and most commonly called by you mortals The Devil" I gasped and tried to take a step back. "Don’t worry I saw what you did back there, it's a one way ticket to hell" he laughed like a maniac. I started backwards away from him but before I knew it he was right behind me holding my elbow. I let out an ear piercing scream that was cut off by a hand over my mouth "do you want to go to hell" he whispered harshly in my ear. I whimpered and shook my head. He just chuckled at me and let go off my elbow. I took a small step backwards and took a deep breath. "What d-do you w-want?" I questioned, scared of the answer. "Just a little deal then it will be all over" he whispered in my ear, circling me like I was his prey. I thought about it. I mean it couldn’t get any worse and he seems sincere. 'It’s the devil. do you really want to make a deal with the devil' a little voice in the back of my head answered ' damn it I thought I got rid of you ages ago" I said while mentally rolling my eyes ' sorry honey but I’m always here I just don’t talk a lot' she replied 'thank god' I thought ' hey missy let’s get over this there’s more important stuff to worry about for now, so are you really gonna listen to him I mean he's not the most trust worthy person' I bit my lip and thought about it ' how about I see what the deal is then chooses my decision?' I thought ' that’s great' she said. 'Geesh listen to me I’m talking to myself, great I finally lost my mind' ' hey I heard that!' she yelled at me I just mentally smirked and tuned back into the present.

 

"What is your deal?" I stated confidently even though I was far from it. "All you have to do is come to my domain for a day or more" he smirked at me somehow knowing that I would agree. He was right. "That is all? No strings attached?" I asked uncertain. "Oh you know just the occasional debt to be paid to me" he laughed out right at this. My mind quickly went to the worst possible ideas. Like having to stay in hell for all of eternity or becoming one of those retched demons. "W-what type of dept?" I asked my voice breaking. I was afraid of the answer but knew that this was the only way. He replied with "oh you will know when the time comes" I shivered at the malice in his voice and made the biggest mistake of my life. I meekly nodded my head and made a deal with the devil. I knew it was a mistake when I saw the triumph look on Lucifers face. Before I knew it he walked up to me so fast I could barely see the movement, he whispered into my ear the last thing I heard before falling into a welcomed darkness "don’t worry princess everything will become much clearer soon enough" at that he laughed at me as my vision began to fade into darkness and my senses fade out.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

A very good opening chapter. I like the way you took me into the story. A stalker then the Devil. The story got stronger with each line. I like the feel and the emotion of this girl dealing with Satan. No weakness in this chapter. You have my attention. A excellent opening chapter.
Coyote

[Kloverfield]

This is a very intriguing start. Now really only one thing bugged me, and that was the formatting, the paragraph structure. I know in school everyone says that a paragraph is about 5 sentences. That is not so in literary writing. A paragraph is only as long as it needs to be to get the point across. There is an exception with dialogue. There is a rule that when you have dialogue, people speaking, when a new person talks, a new paragraph starts. This is so when you only have dialogue, and it's between two people, you can just have what the person says in quotation marks, and you don't have to have the redundant he said, she answered, etc.
Sorry, just personal pet peeve. Other than that it's intriguing.

[Sophie]

I really liked this! I'm going to read on, my only criticism is your use of commas, you need more of them.