He says hello and walk in

He says hello and walk in

A Chapter by Rose

I am trapped,

I am locked in,

For years

I have twisted and turned

The stiff handle

Sticking out of the door

Dripping with sweat

From my palm

I have pulled

With all my strength

 

The door,

As heavy as a rock

My life has gone

Spent on trying to open the door

I have had tears

I have had pain

But no one has ever heard me,

Screaming and yelling

From the other side of the door

 

Never have I given up

Not while my body breathes

To say I'm still alive

 

Then I suddenly hear

An echoing voice

Coming from behind the door

A loud and beautiful voice

The sound of a man

Asking me to open the door

And walk in and say hello

 

I spoke but no reply

After that it was a voice

I heard often

When I felt like giving up

 

Trapped,

With no light

Starving with no food

I often feel

I am going to die

But my hopes are still strong

I know I am still alive

But I feel dead inside

 

I wonder...

If my hopes are strong enough

To break down the door

 

I think I know

What's behind it

The voice I have been hearing

I guess it's the door to his life

 

I wish to walk in and say hello



© 2012 Rose


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Reviews

wow this is sure strong stuff. this is really vivid work, what with all your descriptiveness, and on the whole this was amazing work! great job

Posted 10 Years Ago


This is very creative and done in a unique story telling way. The emotions and thoughts are poured into this piece clearly.

Posted 10 Years Ago


This was very creative. I liked the imagery in this poem. I do feel the emotions within the poem. And they are very clear and strong. You did a nice job. Thanks for sharing. :)

Posted 10 Years Ago


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A creatively done poem that paints a picture of loneliness and longing to break free. Well penned. Loneliness is a harsh thing as portrayed in your poem, and the door to a new life is always possible. Cool pen on this poem.

Posted 10 Years Ago


I liked this a lot, especially that the speaker flip flops between being 'indside' and 'outisde'; I believe that because in most situations that exact feeling usually occurs. Amazing piece.

Posted 10 Years Ago


Your metaphor is good and, as said elsewhere, holds the stanzas together. I am troubled, though, trying to figure out who's 'inside' and who's outside. If 'he' says hello and walks in as the title suggests (check on a missing s there), the first stanza fits (you're trapped inside). 'Other side of the door' in stanza two is ambiguous (either person could be inside, so no harm done to the theme. 'Behind the door' in the fourth stanza, though, seems to imply he's the one who's in the room ('beyond' might imply the contrary), especially since he wants you to walk in. In the sixth stanza, you are 'trapped' so are probably 'inside.' I guess the confusion might be intentional, although i don't get that feeling - the rest of the poem is too neat and orderly to lead me to believe otherwise. I hope you get to walk in )or out) and say hello. :-)

Posted 10 Years Ago


Your metaphor really speaks and ties this poem together. The repetitive nature of the poem helps with your metaphor and the movement of this poem. Good job.
PBP

Posted 10 Years Ago


Bravo! Well written write.

Posted 10 Years Ago


This is a suspensful write, filled with potential from the poet. This shows of some of the great things we can expect of you as you get more practice. I can see the thought process that went into writting this piece, you are a very naturally talented writer and can see this piece comes from somewhere deep.
Well done.

Posted 10 Years Ago


Very good emotion absolutely creative. Keep it up.

Posted 10 Years Ago



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Added on September 16, 2010
Last Updated on June 28, 2012
Tags: love, emotion, happy, stuck, trapped, life, hell, waiting


Author

Rose
Rose

United Kingdom



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