Who is Bess?

Who is Bess?

A Chapter by Amanda Dawn Sanderson-Greer
"

If you want a description, read the story.

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So you ask me, who is Bess?  Bess is an overly overweight waste of space or so her father would tell you.  Her mother is on the streets, somewhere and they are unsure if she'll ever return.  Bess likes to tell herself that her mom is traveling the world, but she isn't.  She's traveling south on every man she can get her hands on.  Luckily for her mother, she gets paid for it.  To sum it up best, here is a picture of our heroine. Okay, I lied.  She's no heroine, she's just a worthless, fat waste of space.  Clearly her father has the brains in the family. 
Wake up Bess, you lard a*s!  It's time for school and we can't have you late again. You've already scarred the younger children that were watching your fat rolls hit your face, as you attempted to run after the yellow bus wagon.  The one they had to expand the doorway for in order for you to fit through it.  No, no don't worry about the hair or the make up, there is nothing you can do about that.

Fine, fine you can have the red lipstick but honestly, I just don't get your obsession. It isn't like it will be what gets you noticed by boys, considering the girls even avoid you in the hallways.  Man, the teachers even ignore your lard a*s, no matter how high your hair is raised.  Hopefully you don't have to go to the bathroom like yesterday. It's embarrassing enough to be you, we don't need to add a pair of wet britches, do we? 


Oh yeah, that was a bad day.  Then again, every day for you Bess, is a bad day.  But don't sweat it.  This may be your day Bess, you never know.  Life can't crap on you forever, or can it?  Heh, who knows.

Luckily for you, you've got a talent for drawing and can doodle your way to la-la land and forget the burdensome life that was given to you.  You can create a life of your own and make light of things.  Oh hey!  How about you draw a picture of Dr. Ben Hudson kissing you after he's done his OBGYN obligations on you. And don't remind yourself of the noises he really makes when he notices you sitting in the waiting room, praying he dies before your name is called by nurse what's her face.  Who he probably banged on the table you'll be laying on while he hyper ventilates into a brown paper bag. 
-- photo --
Nice drawing Bess, only I see that you didn't listen to anything I've said.  Or maybe you just listened to the wrong parts of what I've said?  Depressing, really.  Maybe you should think more positive and stop allowing me and my negativity destroy your ability to believe that in this life it is very possible for something good to happen to you Bess.  Yeah, sure your entire life you've had the worst case scenarios happen to you and yeah, you don't have any friends... 
-- photo --
Drawing me getting my head cut off wasn't very nice.  I'm just not that good with words Bess, don't be so violent.  How about you draw rainbows and sun rises and leave me out of it?  Please?!
-- photo --
That's more like it.  
Oh no!  Bess, did you see that?  Trevor sat beside you.  Trevor has never sat beside you before.  Side note: He is on the not as gorgeous (or not even close) as Brent but who cares...no one has ever in their entire life ever CHOSEN to sit next to you.  It's usually one of those, "Oh s**t! I can't believe I was late to class and had to wind up next to her" kind of things.  Oh no..it's much more than that.  There are still four or five good seats left and he chose to... 
-- photo --
Wait so now you suddenly want to kiss Trevor?  Eh, I get it.  You assume he wants you, don't you?  Has he flipped his long locks and made kissy faces at you?  Oh wait... I meant, has he... wait... what DO guys do when they like you?  
-- photo --
Whoa Bess, that's a little graphic... 


© 2015 Amanda Dawn Sanderson-Greer


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Wow...i really like this! The comedy was good, but was the narrator like a conscious or something? Also I Could just imagine what the pictures are!

Posted 6 Years Ago


Amanda Dawn Sanderson-Greer

6 Years Ago

The narrator is the journal itself, and thank you. I appreciate the feedback. My illustrator is wo.. read more
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AK
Nice starting! The first line was a smooth take off:))
Well, I think I've started liking Bess already (and detesting her father, if I might add). But I do have some thoughts on this piece~
1. This chapter was very predictable and regular, or to put it crudely-cliché. Wake her up, send her to a bad day at school and have something dramatic happen right in the first chapter. I would have loved it if it had been something different.

2. Though you have stated in the Author's note that we reviewers mustn't edit your work, I find myself obliged to merely point out that I find it very difficult to read a passage which is devoid of the required punctuation. It takes me an extra second to interpret the start of a monologue, which in turn makes me lose the flow of the story. Again, I am not saying you should change it. It is just my personal feeling.

3. Somehow, I find myself unable to believe her father's character. In the fourth stanza, he says,"Wake up Bess, you lazy lard a*s...." and frankly that is exactly what makes him unbelievable. If he hated her, he would probably ignore her, or shove her roughly, or maybe even give a smaller speech! He seems to keep talking on and on, and what he says is not the reality for my mind.

4. Why do I find the '--photo--' parts exasperating? In my opinion, a story should be able to talk for itself, unneeding of pictures for support. But even if you do want to add some pics in, add them when they come. I am an easily distracted reader..

So there, that's my open view about this piece. Please don't take any offense. Thanking you-
AK

Posted 7 Years Ago


Amanda Dawn Sanderson-Greer

7 Years Ago

Oh and of course, thank you.
AK

7 Years Ago

:) I'm relieved that you didn't take offense, lol:P
And I guess it is just personal opinion, s.. read more
Amanda Dawn Sanderson-Greer

7 Years Ago

Thank you! Please feel free to read on and give me some ideas of what you like and dislike, please!.. read more
Interesting set up. I like the antagonistic approach of the narrator


Posted 7 Years Ago


Amanda Dawn Sanderson-Greer

7 Years Ago

Thank you! Please feel free to continue to give me as much feedback as you can for the story, I cou.. read more
A very good opening chapter. I like the set-up and description of Beth's life. You gave enough to make the story interesting. Thank you for sharing the excellent opening chapter.
Coyote

Posted 7 Years Ago


Amanda Dawn Sanderson-Greer

7 Years Ago

Thank you, I greatly appreciate the review. Please feel free to continue on and let me know if the s.. read more

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Added on September 27, 2012
Last Updated on November 9, 2015


Author

Amanda Dawn Sanderson-Greer
Amanda Dawn Sanderson-Greer

GA



About
I'm an entirely different breed, gladly embracing the fact that I'm an odd ball. I'm a YA writer that's do everything she can to stop procrastinating long enough to complete a novel, in order to self.. more..

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