These Days

These days, I haven't been sleeping.

Been thinking about the way you made me feel.

These days, I have those butterflies,

I'd rather be numb.

These days, I give my all to impress,

But I'm never, ever good enough.

These are the words I held back,

But I don't wanna hide anymore.

These days, faking smiles, forcing laughs,

Somehow you cheer me up.

The other night was the best night of my life,

Left me wonderstruck, blushing all the way home.

These sleepless nights, I've realized,

I'd fight for you until my knees are black and blue.

These are the words I held back,

But I don't wanna hide anymore.

The way you laugh

The way you smile

The way you say my name

Made me realize I love you

Though you'll never be mine.

Freedom from this lonely place

Makes me miss you more

Seeing you with her kills me

So why pleasure me

By taking time out of your day

Just to see me?

I cannot overstate the pain

That puts me in

But, in the end, I'm not the ghost you are to me

These days, you think nobody understands you.

Well I do

These days, I don't understand myself

As bad as I want you gone, I need you here

These days, I wonder

What did I do to deserve this torture?

These are the words I held back

But I don't wanna hide anymore.

The way you laugh

The way you smile

The way you say my name

Made me realize I love you

Though you'll never be mine.

Freedom from this lonely place

Makes me miss you more

Seeing you with her kills me

So why pleasure me

By taking time out of your day

Just to see me?

I cannot overstate the pain

That puts me in

But, in the end, I'm not the ghost you are to me.

These are the words

I've been holding back for as long as I've known you

And I can't take it anymore

I cannot cry

Because I know that's weakness in your eyes

You tell me to stay strong                   

That won't happen, because of you.