Virgin Cassie

We went to church today, me and my mom and Rylee and Wyatt and Gary. We didn't know of any churches out here so we had to drive all the way to our old church in Deckley. First United Methodist Church of Deckley. I really missed it and I still do because I knew today would be my last day there. I feel like that's my true home.

 

But today it felt different. I didn't feel welcome. I didn't feel the love I normally do. I didn't feel... I don't know. I didn't feel real. I felt like I was just floatin' around for no f****n' reason, like just being there just to be there. Just being there because my mom made us wake up at s**t crack of dawn. None of the girls in my Sunday School class talked to me and I had a whole bunch of friends in there. I hadn't been there in a while. What had they heard? It's not like I was a s**t or anything. I was a good girl. A virgin. Virgin Cassie. I came to church with my clothes real nice and Rylee and Wyatt behaved and mom and Gary looked real nice like me. We were all like a family portrait on a mantel except we were going to church but nobody wanted to look at us like visitors at your house do.

 

And it felt different because, the whole time I was there, it was kinda just like, Is God even real? If God was real why are there so many bad people in the world? Why do child molesters live in my neighborhood and why is my dad a dirtbag and why does Nic get mad when I don't listen to him and how come everytime I clean the house Rylee and Wyatt f**k it up and I have to clean it again and I get no thanks and why does Nic grab my wrist and squeeze it tight and my eyes get all watery cuz it hurts so bad whenever I say I have to go home for dinner? And why do I still feel like I love Nic even though I dunno if he feels the same way? If God is real isn't He supposed to show His people who they are? Because sometimes I don't know who I am. Sometimes I don't know what I am.

Reviews

[MarkGMelvin]

wow