Ragdoll

A Chapter by Haley Smith

It was Saturday night, really great and breezy outside -- a week before my birthday. Hillary and I had been chillin' all day at her place and I just felt like going home after a while and sleep in the only place I felt safe in.

"Do you want me to walk you home?" She'd asked.

"Nah, it's fine. Really, I'm gonna be okay. It's late anyway, you need to take your medicine. Love ya girl," I'd said. She had diabetes.

The rent-a-cops always swarmed THE NEIGHBORHOOD, making sure nobody was out past curfew; it was a new rule thanks to all the dumbasses that lived in THE NEIGHBORHOOD. The rent-a-cops were really annoying and thought they had some sort of real authority. Yeah the f**k right. As if anyone pays any attention to them.

I wish they had been out that night.

I walked down the sidewalk, all the way on the other side of the neighborhood, trying to get home because I knew my mom was wondering where I was.

I heard some footsteps and someone laughing behind me. I walked a little faster -- so did they.

"Hey, Cassie, what are you walking so fast for? It's only me."

My throat was getting tight. It was Nic.

I picked up my speed even more and suddenly I felt him behind me and his dry hand over my mouth and my back shoved up against the closest fence. The dogs were barking really loud and I prayed they were trying to help me... but they stopped.

He took his hand away from my face but still had me pinned against the fence. "Don't scream. If you scream, I will f*****g beat the s**t out of you."

What? Scream? I can't even breathe.

"Why did you tell your mom, Cassie?"

My heart was about to explode and the crazy dancing animals were in my stomach again. I couldn't say anything.

His nostrils were flared and his jaw was twitching. "Cassie, if you don't f*****g say anything--"

"I told her you apologized," I said. It was more like a whisper.

"I thought you were a good girl. I thought you listened to me when I talked to you and did everything I told you."

"You didn't tell me not to tell."

There was a hot, throbbing, stinging feeling on my face in five skinny places. I fell down to my knees in the muddy grass and held my face.

"I don't like to hurt you, but you make me so mad, Cassie," he said in a sad voice.

"I want to make you happy," I said.

"Good. Nic knows you like to make him happy. Nic likes a good girl. Doesn't he?" He was touching my hair.

"Yes. He does."

I didn't know whether to get up and run away and hide or stay and listen to him. Okay. On the count of five, I was gonna go... Five... four... three.. two...

"Oh no you don't," I heard him grunt and he bolted after me and caught up with me. I was screaming and kicking and fighting and crying but he wouldn't let me go and he dragged me to a ditch by the creek close by.

"Why don't you listen to me?!" After each word, he hit me somewhere or shoved me.

"Nic, stop it, you're hurting me!--"

"Cassie, you're so f*****g stupid. You're not good for anything. I told you I don't like to hurt you, but I don't have any other choice when you make me mad." He was getting quiet, but I could still hear the anger in his voice. He was squeezing my wrists and squeezing them tight.

He let go of my wrists and we were sitting there for a while. His eyes were on me the entire time. I was crying but nothing came out of my mouth.

After a while, he got this smile on his face, this sort of look. He kissed my cheek and began to unbuckle his belt. I couldn't breathe and I tried to massage my throat from the tension.

"I want memories of all my girls. You're always mine."

Off went his boxers and his underwear and I could see him, all of him, and he reached over and tried to slide down my jeans and my underwear and I kicked him right in the face.

I pulled them up and I thought I could get away but I stumbled over a bunch of vines and twigs and fell down face first. He came back and then saw that my pants had fallen down again and saw my bare a*s because I'd had on a thong. He put his hand on my mouth again and threw my thong off of me and went inside me. I couldn't say anything. Even if I could have, I wouldn't have known what to do. I grew deaf to his grunts and his sighs and his "This is so amazing"s and "You're so tight"s. I was frozen. I was in shock. I closed my eyes and slipped away and I grew numb to the pain. My elbows grew limp and I went far away, far far away.

***

I woke up the next morning by myself, with my pants pulled up and my hair all over the place and still in the ditch. As soon as I had opened my eyes, the pain came back. It was crippling. I tried to get up but I could barely walk, not only because of the pain, but because I was weak. I was so weak. I was just this ragdoll, this toy that anybody could use if they wanted to and I was limp and lifeless. The creek was right next to me and all I wanted to do was jump in and clean myself and drift away.

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