1

meet our heroine

Lilian stood transfixed by the moonlight they said that deep into the past it actually was like a light and not a shadow that you could only tell it was there by a sense deep in your soul. a wolf howled off in the distance sending chills up her spine it was so sad in its song of the ages but it had a comforting sense around it that no one but her seemed to feel. her mother never understood why she stood out in the dark, for she herself was too terrified of the dark moon above.Everyone was now they never even looked at it,and when they see her gazing longingly up into the sky they simply muttered to themselves remembering that is was Lilian they elders had named as the cursed one, the one who would be a danger to all eternity.

Reviews

[Prritiy]

nice start, wont say anything on grammar as others have already pointed out, but one thing would like to surely tell keep the chapters longer, as it will keep one hooked and giving comments too would be easier than for otherwise, you too might have noticed that :)

keep writing :)

[marie]

Thanks for the advice:) i'll keep it in mind:)

[Amaya Sullivan]

I have to agree with A.j. Dru. With that being said, if you fix the basics capitalization, punctuation, and a few verb tenses you can keep readers captivated on the story rather than fixing the mistakes as they read. Read it out loud to yourself to see if it makes sense.

I am not very good at grammar either, and I still make a lot of mistakes I catch after I read it out loud.

It seems very interesting, thus far.

[marie]

yeah i need to go through and fix everything, i wrote this a long time ago and decided to just put it up

[Amaya Sullivan]

I posted a story I wrote a long time ago as well, and I was correcting things left and right. I think I still miss a lot.

[marie]

lol, well all of us have to start somewhere, and at least we can look back and see how far we have come:)

[Amaya Sullivan]

I agree.

[A.j. Dru]

I know that you said to ignore the grammar, so I'm going to. The idea is solid and interesting. I like what you've started here. It is very short for a chapter, but there's nothing really wrong with that. It's just different. My advice at this point: fix the grammar, because it is probably scaring off readers. You'll likely see an increase in reviews if you take the time to fix those mistakes.

[Ashley G.]

The part where it said her mother never understands why she stands out in the dark reminds me of my story 'A Child's Eyes' because her mother doesn't understand why she goes into the woods everyday. It's got good detail so I'm going to continue reading now.

[marie]

yay:) thank you for the review i'm glad you like it:)

[Ashley G.]

Was that the longest review I've ever given or what? =3

[marie]

oh yeah:) your getting better than your one word reviews i'm loving it:) keep going like this and you may just get to the top reviewers:)

[Ashley G.]

uh...heh doubt it...

[marie]

if you can give good supportive reviews that help the author you could!!!