Chapter Ten

Before me and Darrius went to bed last night, we had a little bit of loving time. A time to explore each other's bodies. A time to feel on each others bodies! So, if you know what I'm talking about, then you should know that we slept really well. But that's great, huh? Yet again, I have school again today. I have only two more days to pack up some memories in my mind and take them with me to Arkansas. I need and have to enjoy all the attention and popularity I can, because for the the next two days, it's all going to go down the stinkin' sewer drain! No lie! Nobody is going to want to be my friend for anything. I would only know two reason why they wouldn't want to be. One, I'm a pregnant teenage girl and two of course I'm new. Those would probably be the only reasons why they would try to avoid me. But I guess those are just the obvious ones, huh?

     When I woke up, I didn't see Darrius in the room, so I just headed to the kitchen figuring he would be there, cooking up something nice and tasty. I mean he is the hottest cook in the world, after all!

   He wasn't in my sight at all. All I saw was my dad and mom sitting at the bar talking and sipping on their cup of roasted coffee. They noticed me standing there, looking like a little lost puppy dog, looking for a home, " What are you looking for?" my mother asked, sitting her cup down on the bar, with her hand still wrapped around the mug.

 "I'm looking for Darrius. Do you know where he is?" I asked.

 "Oh' he said that he had to go in early for work. He had to get all the time he needs before we move. We'll that's at least what he said."

 " Oh, okay," I said and headed back to my room to get ready. 

"Would you like for me to fix you something to eat? I'll have it ready when you're done getting ready." 

" Yeah, that would be great."

     Once, I got done getting ready and primping, I headed back into the kitchen. This time there was a plate on the bar and my mom had left. But as I was heading towards the refrigerator, I saw a note on the counter. A note my mom had written,

Renee',

Sorry, we had to leave out on you in such a rush. By the time I get done fixing your breakfast, I noticed that I was falling behind on schedule. Sorry, but see you later. Have a good day at school. Keep your head up high!

Love,

Mom

The note was sweet. I wish Darrius would've left one too. But he didn't. Oh' well. I got done with my breakfast and headed out the door.

      I don't know why I was in such a rush to get to school. I felt like I was rushing down the road, when I was driving. I guess I was really wanting to get to school and even noticing it. I hate when things like that happen. I parked where I did everyday. I just thought, it won't be me, having this parking spot anymore. It'll be someone else.

    All my classes before lunch went by fast and it seemed to be happening a lot lately. But the good thing was that the afternoon classes went by slower. I mean I wasn't complaining. But the day went by and that's all that matters. The one thing that made me mad was that, when I got in my car, I checked my phone and not one call from Darrius. Not even a text! This was pretty odd. I thought may be he's really busy teaching today. That's what it probably is. I don't know why I should be worried, especially if he says he loves me and all that, but at the same time, with these guys you should be cautious these days.It seems like they try to pull things over you, thinking that you won't ever figure out, but really in the end, we find out some way.

     I got home to see Darrius's car and my parents. They're all home, before me this time. The thing that still bothered me was that Darrius still hadn't called me or anything the whole day. Just wait, I got this under control.

     Once, I walked into the house to hear voices echoing off the walls, I stared at the marble floor of the lobby of our house. Something was going wrong. I wasn't feeling right, at all. I started to feel dizzy and hot. My abdominal pain started to begin. May be it was just part of being pregnant, I thought. Until, I passed out on the cold marble floor.

     I was laying on the floor for awhile, until I heard my phone ring in my pocket. Then, I heard footsteps coming towards me. It was my mom, Darrius and of course my father. My mom was freaking out and scared out of her mind, " Renee', hold on we're calling the paramedics! Just hold on!" she said, leaning over me. 

"Mom, I feel really hot," I informed her. 

"Darrius, go into the bathroom and wet a cold wash cloth and bring it back to me. Please," she ordered him to do. He came back, running with a washcloth in hand and my mom grabbed it from him and put it over my forehead. Releasing me from the heat.

      I heard the front door click open and the paramedics were discussing with my dad what what may have happened. Of what he witnessed when he saw me laying on the ground. They lifted my body off the ground onto the gurney and wheeled me on into the back of an ambulance.

      We showed up at the hospital and they pushed me a vacant room that seemed to be all ready for me. They removed my body from the gurney and placed me onto the bed. That kind of was the scary part, I was pretty scared that they were going to drop me. I looked around the room and then looked up at the doctor and all the nurses that were surrounding me. They were hooking up I.V.'s and everything else that you can think of, when you place yourself in an emergency room. I kept looking around for Darrius, my mom, and my dad, but they were nowhere to be found. I was scared, did they leave me here all alone?

     The doctor came up to me and started questioning me, "Hi, Renee', I'm Dr. Desires. I'm going to be taking care of you and looking over you, alright? Would you like to describe or tell me what happened?" she asked. She was a pretty nurse, alright. She had fair dark skin and a beautiful white smile. Her hair was placed in curls. She may have been Latino. She had an accent, so I'm guessing that may have been her race.

 "Well, I remember that I fell on the floor and my mom put put a cold washcloth on my forehead to help me cool down," I explained.

"Were you hot or something?"

" Yes."

" Were you in any pain at the time?"

" Yes."

" Do you mind showing me where?"

"Around here," I said, while moving my head around, near my abdominal area.

"How did the pain feel?"

"Like a sharp pain. It was really hurting. But I just still don't know why I would pass out, you know?"

"Well, how about we run some test on you and find out. Now, are you pregnant or on your period at the moment?" she asked.

"Actually, I'm pregnant and haven't had my period in awhile, so, yeah."

"This could mean a miscarriage, but I don't want to jump to the ropes, before the tests, so let's go ahead and run those and get the answer. Does that sound good?"

"Yeah."

Did she just say a miscarriage? Doesn't that mean that my baby died in me? That I no longer have a kid? No! No! No! This can't happen! "Ma'am, do you know where my parents are?" I asked her, before she left the room.

"They're waiting in the waiting room. I'll go get them for you, alright?"

" Thank you very much."

      As I was wasting, all these wonders and thoughts were running through my mind. What could be wrong with me, besides a stupid miscarriage? I want that thought out of my mind! I mean I am pregnant, so there could be multiple issues that could be going wrong.

     Darrius and my parents walked in the room, "Hey baby," my mom said. She walked over to the side of the bed on my right side and placed a gentle kiss on my forehead.

"Hey, mom."

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

"I'm doing pretty good."

" We're going to figure out what's wrong, so don't worry, alright? Hopefully it's nothing having to do with the baby."

"Me neither," I saw Darrius standing there, looking all depressed and nervous.

"Mom, can I talk to Darrius, alone for a minute?"

"Sure," she led my dad out of the room back to the waiting area, so I could talk to Darrius. He came towards me and sat down in the resting chair that was beside the bed.

"Darrius I'm going to be okay. The only thing that wouldn't make me okay, would have to be you not being here. Okay? Don't be depressed and all down, until we know the truth about everything. I need positive energy, not negative," I said. I was looking at him, while he held his head down.

 He looked up at me, " Babe, I'm sorry. There's just something not right. I'm scared for you and for our baby."

" I know, but everything will be okay."

" For you, I'll try to lift my happy spirits, okay?" 

The doctor came into the room, to interfere with our conversation, " I'm sorry to interrupt," she said.

"No. I believe that we're done talking," I replied.

"Well, then. Who is this good looking fella here?" she asked me, referring to Darin. He looked up, surprised.

"That would be my lovely boyfriend and the father of my soon to be child," I answered. Darin got up and introduced himself to Dr. Desires. After, Darin sat himself back down, she moved back on the subject of me, "I came back in here to ask you more questions, if you don't mind," she said.

"I don't at all. I just want to get out of here."

" Well, let me get to these questions. First one. When was your last period? I remember you saying you haven't had one in awhile."

" Yeah, well my last one would have to be, may be a month ago. So, I pretty much skipped this months."

"Do you know when you usually start? Like the date?"

" Yes, around the fifteenth or so."

" Thank you. And of course it's way past the fifteenth, so you skipped it like you said. Alright, I thought I would have to be asking more questions than that, but I believe that you being pregnant can pretty much add up with what happened today."

" Okay." She walked over to where my I.V was hooked up and took a glance at everything,

" Well, I'm going to have a nurse come in here, and unhook you and release you, because the tests that we need to do, we can't really do it from where you are, right now."

" I understand."

     The nurse came in and unhooked me. I sat up from the bed and took Darin by the hand. I placed his hand in my lap and looked up at him, "You know what I could really use right now?" I asked, touching his face.

" Huh?"

" A kiss from my baby," I said. He leaned down and gave me a loving kiss on my dry lips. He pushed my hair back and kissed my forehead. The doctor came back into the room, " Alright, I'm going to take you to where we do most of the testing done," I got up and took Darin's hand and we followed Dr. Desires.

        We went into the testing room and she took a blood test and she had an ultrasound in mind for the last thing. She took my blood and took it to the lab. "Babe, I'm starting to get nervous," I said to Darin.

 "Babe, it's okay."

"I don't think so," I reassured. She came back in the room, "Alright, honey. Let's head onto the sonographic room."

" What is that?" Darin asked.

"Where we will do the ultrasound."

" Oh. Do we have to do that?" he wondered. I don't think he wanted to know the truth, but I was right there with him. An ultrasound would lead it right to them answer. Yes or no.

"Okay, we can do one of these two options. We can either wait on the blood sample to come back positive or negative or we can head down to the sonographic room and get an ultrasound done. Now," the door had a knock on it, " Come in," Dr. Desires said. A lady in scrubs came in with a piece of paper in her hand. I hope that wasn't the result of the blood test. Dr. Desires took the paper and her facial changed from being happy and inviting to concerned and nervous. I looked over at Darin and gave him a slight smile. I shook my head at him. "Thank you," Dr. Desires said to the nurse. She left the room and I was scared to know what the future was now holding.

"Is that for us?" I asked her, sounding confused. She looked down at the paper and then looked back at us, "Honey, I'm so sorry." Dr. Desires said to me. She walked back up to me and wrapped her arm around me and placed the paper in my hand. Negative ran across the paper. I thought I was going to pass out again. I thought I was going to lose myself. Darin got up and snatched the paper out of my hand. He looked up at it and nothing but fear and anger ran across his face, " No, no, no! This isn't true! Can't be. I want that ultrasound. Now!" he said, with anger boiling throughout his body. I got up from the table and I ran into his arms. I wanted his arms around me, but at the same time I know that if I try to comfort him and try to settle him down, he'll get back on the right track. He wrapped his arms around me and I could feel his tears hit my cheek. I looked up at him and our eyes connected. I laced my arms around his neck and kissed him, with both of us having tears fall from our eyes. Tear stain after tear stain. "We need to go and get this ultrasound done, okay?" Dr. Desires said.

 "Okay," I said, while wiping the tears off my face.

      Once we got into the ultrasound room the lady had lifted my shirt up and placed some gel on my stomach. I was getting so scared. She watched the screen and the next thing I knew I was crying more tears. Tears after tears came again. "I'm so sorry," the woman said. She handed me a tissue to wipe off the gel. The lady left the room and left me and Darin to ourselves. I moved myself off the table and moved over to Darin. I broke down and Darin feel to his knees. He wrapped his arms around my waist. I felt his tears fall onto my shirt. I placed my hands on his head. "Baby," I said with tears falling onto the top of his head. 

"That was my baby," he cried, "My own flesh and blood." 

"I don't know what I did," I cried to him. He got up from the floor and unchained his arms from my waist. He held my face in his cold hands, "You didn't do nothing, baby. Don't blame yourself, do you understand me?" I stayed silent, " I said do you understand me?" he asked again. I nodded.

     We walked out of the room and found my parents in the waiting room, looking scared. They shot up out of the seats and ran to us, "What's going on?" she asked me. I started crying again,

" We were going to have a baby! We were going to have a family! We're not going to have anything, anymore," I cried out to my mom and dad. My mom pulled me into her arms and comforted me. I detached from her and ran out of the hospital and my parents and Darrius followed me. 

"Renee'!," my mother yelled after me. I ran all the way out to the street and down to the curb and sat down. I started to talk my thoughts out to God, " Why? Why God? What did I do so bad for you to take away something so precious? I know I did wrong things, I know I never listened nor obeyed my parents, but that was my baby. A baby that me and Darin loved. A gift from You," I said, " Just give me my baby back, God." I heard my mother's voice from behind me. She sat down next to me, " Babe, you know that you can always try again," she said.

"But it was also Darin's baby. I feel like I took it away from him. Like I'm the one that should be responsible for it dying."

" You know God does punish us for things that we do. May be Him taking it away from you, is a sign a punishment to tell you that what you were doing, wasn't right."

"And that would be?"

" Disobeying, acting up in school, disrespecting your peers. Honey the list could go on. You're not living the life God wanted for you. You're not living for Him in any kind of way. You're living how you want to live, don't you notice that, honey?" she asked. She was right. Every word that came out of her mouth, planted in my heart, " Renee', honey, you need to change your life. You know may be this is like a wake up call or warning, trying to tell you that you know worse can come your way if you don't live how He wants you to live, do you understand? Everything happens for a reason. This is all just apart of His plan, baby. You need to realize that everything is apart of the plan that He has laid out for you. So live it, but live it right, okay?" She got up from the curb and helped me up, " Where's Darrius?" I asked her.

" With your father."

" I want him."

"Okay I'll tell him. Why don't you go ahead and get in the car. Me and your father are going to leave you and Darrius alone to talk."

" Thank you."

     I sat myself in the passenger seat of Darrius's car. I started feeling the tears again. You know I was really getting tired of these stupid tears coming out of my eyes. It was getting pretty old. My eyes and then my head started hurting worse than ever. I heard the drivers side door open and Darrius got in the car. He leaned over and grabbed my hand and kissed the top of it. he looked up at me, " Baby, it's not your fault," he said. I looked down at my feet. I shook my head,"I have to change, Darrius. I can't live this kind of life anymore. He's taken away something so precious from me and the next thing I could see going could be either my family, you, or even worse myself. Babe I don't want that," I explained.

"Then do what you have to do, because not only do I love you, but I love your parents too and I don't wanna see any of ya'll going anywhere." He stuck the keys into the ignition and we drove home.

     Before I got out of the car, I took a glance at the time and it was quite late. I walked into the house and went to my room. I pulled out the toys that we had bought for the baby. I started throwing them at the wall and Darrius walked in. He ran to calm me down, " What Darrius?" I yelled.

"Baby calm down. Calm down," he reached for my arm and pulled me into him. I tried to get away from him. I started pounding on his hard chest about as hard as I could. I kept hitting and pounding, until he couldn't take it no more. He reached for my wrists and kept ahold of them,

" Baby, look at me. Listen. You need some rest, alright? Tomorrow will be a better day, okay? Come on. Do you wanna take a shower?" he asked me. My head fell onto his chest and my hard breathing seemed to disappear. I lifted my head and looked in his eyes, "Actually I rather just go to bed, is that okay?"

"Yeah," he lifted up my shirt and picked me up bridal style. He gently laid me down on my side of the bed and straightened out my legs. He reached for the button on my blue jeans and lightly took off my jeans. He threw them down on the floor. He came back up to me and kissed me. "I think it's time for you to go to sleep, honey," he said, softly. I smiled at him placed a kiss on his cheek. Something that was very rare. But I did it anyways. He got off of me and stripped his clothes off as well, and got in the covers. I felt one of his arms reach across my body and he pulled me closer into him. His body was so warm and at the moment, I've never felt so loved. He pecked a couple of kisses on my neck and started tickling my arm. From there I fell asleep with the touch of his love.

    I woke up in the middle of the night, because I was having a nightmare. Darrius left me, because he kept accusing me of taking away his baby. I turned my body over and ran my hands down his soft chest. He flinched, so I did it again to make him fully awake. "Honey, what are you doing?" he asked.

"Do you want to try again?" I wondered.

"Well, of course I do. I know that you think that I'm going to leave you. But look I'm not, okay? I promise with all my heart."

" Okay," I turned back over and fell back to sleep, hoping for better and sweeter dreams.