Desperation and Weakness

Finally the two weeks had ended. I could finally see him. Excited, I called him. No answer. I waited and waited. He ever called back. I texted him. No reply. I started to get worried so I checked Facebook. That's when I saw it. "In a Relationship." My heart sank and tears streamed down my face. What had happened in those two measly weeks we were apart?The days passed by, slow but steady. I went to California and started my recovery. My sister, Brianna helped me through. She hugged me and reminded me that he's not the only guy out there. I will find someone better. 

I started to hang out with my old friend Jeremy too. He was my first crush, my first boyfriend, my first kiss. We began to get closer and in my weak state, we started to become intimate. We kissed, made out, even held hands. We were inseparable. One dark, cold night it happened. We had sex. He took my virginity.  It hurt, so badly. But it's what I wanted. It was something I felt I wouldn't regret. 

Afterwards, he left. We didn't talk. I didn't see him anymore. I didn't try to either. I felt awkward, shamed, like a disgrace to myself and my family. After a couple days he started calling me, but I couldn't get myself to answer. I just didn't have anything to say. I was so disappointed with myself, so angry at myself. I didn't regret it, but I wish I would've waited. 

On my last day in California I saw him finally. I apologized for ignoring him and explained that I wasn't ready and that I shouldn't have let him, but also that I didn't regret it. I'm glad I lost my virginity to him, because I love him. Really and truly. After talking to him for about an hour, it was time to go. Time to return home.