Days of the Weak

 

I would mend all the holes

in your umbrella -

except I’m no engineer

 

Still, it’s the thought that counts

 

and my humble smile

as I step down off the curb

onto the main road

to let you by;

 

watching you attempt to

ignore the pathetic drips

 

of my heart soaking through

these paper-thin sleeves

 

Don’t worry, it’s nothing personal -

 

like the car that sped up

and swerved without warning,

making use of a puddle

to decorate my jeans

 

in mud and acid rain

 

With a species like this,

who needs enemies;

there’s a food chain

within a food chain

 

that has nothing to do

with food, instead with pain

 

and how much you suffer,

day to day,

will explain how much in life

you can expect to gain

 

or whether the doors of humanity

will slam in your face

again and again;

the same doors you held open

 

for the Winners Parade -

 

who let you,

and didn’t say thanks

nor even glance your way

 

Author's Note

Did it spiral out of control into a rhymey, preaching mess? Thanks

Reviews

[F. Nazarov]

"With a species like this,
who needs enemies;"

"and how much you suffer,
day to day,
will explain how much in life
you can expect to gain"

I must say that if this is the way you preach, you have got to start preaching more often!
It's like you speed up reading it towards the end, then when you're done you're mentally
out of breath and then you sit down and you're like "wow".
Yes, that's exactly how it happened.

It strange how the more you go through, the more people respect you, the more people think
you deserve. I believe we're all born in some state of need, why must we have to want to
kill ourselves before people want to give us something? I suppose we're all taught to be self-centered
{even I don't notice}.

I guess you're not a fan of rhyming, but you do it very well.
*sticks this in favorites* I like it :D

[Ellie W. Montreal]

I love this poem. It shows exactly how much you could try so much to make someone happy, but they'd be unappreciative to your actions. I love the construction of this. And the metaphors used.

[mick weller]

Hey - have you re-titled this?
I'm sure I would have picked up on such a witty title before..?

[mick weller]

no... it doesn't help when you feel like s**t (in the rain) and some twat drives though a nearby puddle - even being more assertive can't help here. Happened to me once - I had my fancy new waterproof jacket unzipped at the time - s**t happens though and Winners don't fare any better at the final fence in my book. Maybe we could all learn to SLAM a few doors ...
the acid of the rain is a nice touch - the sting of it

[holly]

Your poem isn't any kind of a mess; it's solid and heartfelt - but reading it seems like watching a man look at himself in a fun house mirror. The image is fascinating, but the looker takes it for the truth and sees himself (in this poem at least) as a 4' 2" hominculus when he's really, oh I don't know, Viggo Mortensen. Love, returned or not, makes us into something perfect, not foolish. The poem: the rhyme is not intrusive, you have a gift for concealing the structure under the meaning of your work.

[Fabian G. Franklin]

nah, not too preachy, maybe that "pain" after food could have been "misery" like "but misery instead" to tone down the rhyme a bit but i like rhyme so no complaints from me, i love the tone of i am not your fix-it man. if the meek are trodden underfoot into their graves, they will be quite literally "inheriting the earth"...that's my concern. great stuff here.

[zig]

"With a species like this, who needs enemies;there's a food chainwithin a food chain"

yeah

great stuff here boylan, good to read your words again... good to wander with you again. sorry, ive missed a few of your works, i will try to catch up.

zig

[Bubo]

I think this is relevant to you, and very emotional, i loved it..........is it based on the day as this is
how you felt?

[W.k.kortas]

I'm not sure about some of the lining-- I might combine the fourth and fifth stanzas, I might put "in mud and acid rain" with the prior stanza, and put "the same doors you held open" with the final stanza. As far as lack of control...no, I don't see that at all; thematically, it has an admirable tightness, and I think that, by and large, it scans and reads quite well. It's solid and then some.

[Emily B]

Wasn't Tuesday's child supposed to be full of grace? Or have I lost the idea of the old saying completely. If the meek shall inherit the Earth, then it follows that those who give, those who soak up the puddles, will one day perch highest on the celestial food chain.

I don't think you lost hold of the thread at all. I think it wandered exactly where it was supposed to . . .