New and Improved

New and Improved

A Chapter by RainDancer1997

 

 

     Friendship is a single soul living in two bodies- Aristotle

 

 

  "What do you want?" Spencer asked Carry.

 

 

   "Your my new step-brother and all. Don't be talking to the trash around this school," she told him playing with her blond hair casually.

 

 

   "Takes trash to know trash," Michelle said.

 

 

   "There are at least four hundred people who would willingly back me up on that," Carry sneered.

 

 

   "No you lost some because most of your friends are either stupid, s****y, or they talk about you behind your back. Your not miss everything. Your just the pretty blond headed preppy bit** that thinks she is," Michelle smiled. She blew a kiss to Spencer to let him know she's still very interested, and left Carry standing there with the enraged look on her face. Michelle wasn't taking any crap anymore! It wasn't so hard really. You just have to say the right things. Though Michelle would never turn into Carry, it's impossible.

 

 

   "You were almost late again Miss. Sky," Miss. Grady snapped again.

 

 

   "Very sorry," Michelle said rolling her baby blue eyes. This new spark of attitude was unleashed and Michelle didn't know how to put out that spark.

 

 

   "Hey," Michelle heard from behind her. She turned around and realized it was someone new. Because usually no one sat near Michelle. She was rather pretty though with her soft features and long honey brown hair. Blue eyes like her won shimmered with happiness. Obviously this girl didn't know Michelle, and Carrys we don't talk to her rule. Haha perfect!

 

 

   "Nice to meet you I'm Anika," she smiled showing perfect teeth. Something about this girl just isn't normal. She's way to happy and nice to be human. This girl Is now on Michelle watch.

 

 

   "Nice to meet you to I'm Michelle," she replied trying to put the same happiness in her voice. Michelle desperately needed a friend. And how could she let Carry take hold of this happy, gleaming girl and turn her into a devil?

 

 

   "I'm a transfer student from California," she said.

 

 

   "So why did you move to Texas?" Michelle asked trying to make conversation. Anika's eyes gleamed with happiness when she realized Michelle was going to carry on a conversation with her.

 

 

   "I play a lot of volleyball, and this school has a very great team," she explained.

 

 

   "I don't really watch many of the sports here honestly," Michelle confessed moving her long red hair out of her eyes.

   "That's a shame but oh well. Is your hair naturally that red?" Anika asked touching her hair. This girl was weird, but Michelle was familiar with weird. Anika wasn't that bad actually:) 

 

 

   "Yes it is," Michelle smiled. She has actually made a friend!

 

 

   "Miss Sky! Do turn around in your seat and pay attention!," Miss. Grady ordered. Michelle smiled at Anika before turning around. For some reason she was filled with so much joy.

 

 

   The bell finally rang ordering them all to lunch. Anika stayed by Michelle the whole time, but Michelle actually enjoyed her company.

 

 

   "What's up," Michelle heard from behind her. She smiled and turned around.

 

 

   "The sky," she smiled at Spencer.

 

 

   "Very funny," he smiled," whose the new chic?" he looked over at Anika.

 

 

   "This is my new friend Anika," Michelle smiled hugging the girl.

 

 

   "Well nice to meet you Anika," he smiled looping his arm through Michelle's.

 

 

   "Is this your boyfriend?" Anika smiled tugging on Michelles shirt.

 

 

   "She's playing hard to get at the moment," Spencer answered winking at Michelle. Her cheeks turned a dark shade of crimson.

 

 

   "That's cute," Anika smiled at her.

 

 

   They walked into the lunchroom together. Spencer didn't even bother to move his arm from hers, which sparked some butterflies. Anika walked beside her with a huge smile on her face. This girl was a good influence. Michelle even started to carry a smile around. It surprised her because it wasn't one of her fake smiles! She was truly happy right now.

 

 

   And that happiness ended the moment a piece of cake hit Anika. Then Michelle was full of rage!

 

 

   "Were terribly sorry new girl," Carry and her friends said," we were aiming for the other freak."

 

 



© 2013 RainDancer1997


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Author's Note

RainDancer1997
This chapter is dedicated to my number one fan Anika:)

My Review

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Featured Review

This is a very ordinary, somewhat cliche depiction of life in school between the popular and not so popular. By saying that, I'm not saying that it is a horribly written story. The dialogue is very appropriate and pushes the story along well to an understandable and gripping ending that makes the reader want to keep going to see what will happen next. On the grammar side, the use of possessives and contractions could be cleaned up. I found several instances where "your" was used and should have been "you're" or, "you are". Also, where "Spencer" is holding onto "Michelles" arm, it should have been "Michelle's". This line is a bit confusing due to a typo, or just poor grammar I'm not quite sure, " Blue eyes like her won shimmered..." I think you were trying to say, "Blue eyes like her's shimmered with happiness."
Another thing that you could work on with this piece, is descriptions of the foreground. Tell the reader what the hallway looked like, or the cafeteria, the classroom, or how the cake looked all over Anika's face. Adding some descriptive sentences will strengthen your story more. Keep it up, you have a good handle on dialogue, characters and plot. Just work on the grammar and descriptions.

Posted 7 Years Ago


8 of 8 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Never take advice on spelling or grammar, if the story is good enough, you won't need it. Pick up anything by Cormac McCarthy and there will be some odd thing going on with the punctuation or mispelled words. The hardest story to tell is often the one that is so common in theme to every other story written, kudos for getting into the fray! I would like to see you write some fake Obituaries, for a laugh. Keep this story going!



Posted 7 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

RainDancer1997

7 Years Ago

haha that's a good idea:)! thanks for reading:)!
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Pam
I like this chapter very much! The action definitely caught my interest. I like that her and Spencer are becoming closer and that she finally has a true friend. I thought the end of the chapter was a little funny, but also sad at the same time. I have the feeling a cat fight is gonna be coming up :P

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I got a little lost with who was talking at times, because there are so many characters sharing the stage at once. The dialogue feels real and natural, though the subject matter isn't grabbing me. I see what you're doing with it, I like that approach to showing over telling with things like Anika's interests and hair color. I would like to see more of each character's features as well.

The moment of conflict and intrigue is at the very end with the cake. The story is cute until the cake flies, but it takes a bit of time to get there.

There doesn't need to be a period after "Miss" to address the girls

Overall, it's good. I'd like to see the conflict emerge sooner, but at the same time I understand the need for a wait on it. Keep at it! Is there going to be more to this story?

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

RainDancer1997

7 Years Ago

Yes theres already a new chapter posted called love and im probably posting another tomorrow
You did a great job! Keep it up!

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

good job :)
i like it so much

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

RainDancer1997

7 Years Ago

I'm happy you like it:) Thanks for reading
she must be mesmerized! :)

Posted 7 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

RainDancer1997

7 Years Ago

she is:) thanks for reading:)
I always like to read things with real people incorporated into them. I am sure Anika liked it too!

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This is really good, I liked the dialog which works well and helps the story flow. I feel it could be more detailed though its feeling very one dimensional at the moment and i'm struggling to get attached to the characters.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

RainDancer1997

7 Years Ago

I'm deff gonna work on the descriptive stuff:) Thanks for reading:)
i still like it and it seems will keep on....

best wishes for next n next......

Posted 7 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Prritiy

7 Years Ago

Do tell me when you add next :)
RainDancer1997

7 Years Ago

I sure will:)
I like the dialogue and the thoughts that move the story further, good story ..

Posted 7 Years Ago



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Added on July 22, 2013
Last Updated on August 8, 2013
Tags: Fight, Love, Romance, Bestfriend


Author

RainDancer1997
RainDancer1997

ragland, AL



About
I'm from a small town in Alabama and I love skateboards and any type of rock music. I love to talk to anyone, and I hope ya'll like my writings:)! MY fav music:) Sleeping with Sirens .. more..

Writing
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A Poem by RainDancer1997



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