11. The Invitation

Stefanie introduces herself.

The next day Ian stopped by Emily's school to pick her up after her classes were done for the day. “How was school today, Buttercup?” he asked as she got in and buckled up.

She shrugged. “Okay, I guess,” she answered noncommittally. Then she held up a paper. “I got an 'A' on my geography test,” she grinned.

“Great!” exclaimed Ian, “Good job! Your grades have really improved. And to think you almost were held back last year.”

She smiled proudly. “I can't wait to show Chrissy.”

“I have to stop by my studio on the way home,” he said, changing the subject, “I got a text saying there was a package delivered for me there.”

“Okay,” she replied.

“I can't guess what it could be. I don't remember ordering anything and I never have things delivered there. Maybe Chrissy ordered something,” he shrugged.

Ian's studio was located in a part of the city known as the Old Warehouse District. Most of the buildings on the street were empty and in poor shape. As he pulled up in front of his studio he noticed there was only one other car parked on the block - a blue sedan. They got out of their car and walked up to the front door of the studio. There was no package in sight.

“Hmm...” said Ian as he scratched his head, “Probably stolen. Crap! I wonder what it was? I'll have to ask Chrissy later.”

They turned and started back toward the car. Seemingly from nowhere Stefanie walked up behind Ian, put a hand on his shoulder and stuck a pistol in his back. In a rather pleasant and friendly voice she said, “Now, just do as you're told and no one will get hurt.”

Emily gave a little squeal of fright when she saw the gun and started backing away.

Stefanie gestured to her with the gun and said, “No, don't run off, Sweetheart. Stick around.” Then she turned to Ian and said, still in a pleasant voice, “Let me have your phone, please.” Ian slowly took out his phone and handed it back behind him. She turned back to Emily. “Do you have a phone, Sweetheart? Don't lie to me.” Emily shook her head silently. “Okay,” Stefanie continued, “Let's all get into the blue car there. Ian, you drive. Emily, you ride up front with your father. I'll ride in the back where I can keep an eye on everyone.” She gave Ian a gentle shove toward the car.

Ian felt a chill run up his back. She knows our names?! This isn't just a mugging! What the hell is going on?! “Please,” he said, “I don't know what you want with us, but leave my daughter out of it. Just take me.”

“How very noble of you,” she replied, “But, I'm afraid she's invited, too. Now don't worry. As long as everyone does exactly as I say, no one will get hurt.” They all got into the car and Stefanie leaned forward between the seats and handed Ian the key. “Just pull out onto the street and I'll tell you where to go from there.” As Ian started the car she turned to Emily and said with a pleasant smile, “Buckle up, Sweetheart. Safety first.”

Author's Note

Suggestions and constructive criticisms are always welcome.

Reviews

[C. Rose]

Favorite Line "I'm afraid she's invited, too."

Thank you for choosing easily differentiable names. Chrissy, Benjamin, Ian, Emily, Jonathan, Stephanie, and Becka, (almost) all start with a different letter and use a range of lengths. Which helps the reader keep the names straight.
Did you do this on purpose or did it just happen to work out nicely?

[Craig2591]

A little of both.

[SpeedyHobbit Armstrong]

Well this got very intense and scary very fast! Very realistic sounding. And poor kid ending up in the middle of all this! I also love the twisted irony in "safety first" at the end of the chapter. very clever

[Craig2591]

Thank you very much.

[Tina Kline]

If you get a message you have a package to pick up in a location you never have packages sent to and didn't order anything...ignore that message!!!! Nice chapter. Now the tension is really high, the two groups of the story have just become interconnected.

[Nienor Niniel]

Sorry I haven't been posting reviews for all the chapters, though I have read them all when they're published. I'm afraid I'd sound like a broken record:

Great, realistic dialogue! I love the characters, not only Chrissy, Ian, and Emily, but the new people, too! The descriptions are excellent! I can't wait to see what happens, and learn what this memory card contains, and discover who these people are!

Keep up the good work.

[Craig2591]

Thanks for continuing to read.

[Craig2591]

Yes, Ian should have been more suspicious.

[John Lauterbach]

My favorite part about this is Stef's 'pleasant voice' for kidnapping them. The last line cracked me up. I think the “How very noble of you” line is a little cliche, but I imagine Stef to be a living Barbie doll, which kind of makes up for it. The concept of a super-spy Barbie is pretty funny to me.

[Craig2591]

Thank you very much.

[K.]

I thought it was interesting to see the relationship Emily has with her parents, because normally a daughter (even adopted) would probably call their parents "mom" and "dad", or something of the sort, other than their given names. I also really liked all the dialogue exchanged between Stef, Ian and Emily and how it was all described.

This is going to sound nit-picky but I just got a little confused on this part: "Seemingly from nowhere Stefanie walked up behind Ian, put a hand on his shoulder and stuck a pistol in his ribs." Does Stef get in front of him and force him to the car, or does she push him from behind? See, I told you that was nit-picky, but it was really the only thing I saw that confused me.

[Craig2591]

Wow! I didn't expect you to blow through all of this in one night! I need to get busy and write some more.

I changed 'stuck a pistol in his ribs' to 'stuck a pistol in his back' to clarify. I meant that she stuck the gun into his ribs from behind, but that's a little confusing. Thanks for pointing that out to me.