First Sight (chapter 1 of The Guardian Angel)

"I have found someone that you can guard." said God. "What's their name?" Dakota asked. "Her name is Rhonda. You will start tommorrow morning. Now go to bed. "Yes sir." Dakota kept thinking about what she'd look like. Dakota woke up the next morning excited. God told him where to find her. She lived in California. Dakota went there. God would make a blue side above her head if it was her. He finally found her. The blue sign quickly disappeared. She had brunette curly hair with a little bit of blonde highlights. She had beautiful hazel eyes. She was walking with her friend. They finally came to a pool. They started swimming in it. She started checking out this guy. Dakota started feeling jealous now. He didn't know why, but he did.

Author's Note

i'm only 11 turning 12 on june 22, so i might not have the greatest skills writing.

Reviews

[Jasmin]

For your age your good, listen to "OutToLunch" critiques they are all some important things to listen to. i think though, overall, this story is cute :) I will defiantly be reading on.

~Jasmin

[OutToLunch]

okay, you need details. details, details, details. Very important stuff, especially because what you have here is very vague. also, format. indent. like this:

"Hello," Lea said. "How are you?"
"Me?" Tommy asked. "Oh, I'm wonderful." he smiled.

Then details, maybe like this:

"Tommy was under a large and shady oak tree in a public park near his house."

Instead of "The boy was under a tree." see the difference?

Also, you have a typo in here. i don't remeber exactly what it was. i think you wrote "side" instead of
"sign". or something like that.
Good write.

[deeps]

Great start,
Like the name dakota that's cool.
I will read on soon.