Learning About Her part 1 (chapter 5 of The Guardian Angel)

They turned down a couple streets. They finally turned left on Oak Tree Court. The first thing Dakota saw was a black Yukon.

 

That must be Jesús's house." he thought. Jesús was Dakota's friend in his past life. They hung out together even though they went to seperate middle schools. Jesús had sable gelled-back hair with chocolate eyes. His skin was dim. He was hispanic. Rhonda couldn't forget about him before she met Alex.

 

As they rode down the court, they pulled up to a milky colored house with onyx sides. The grass was as green as a tree. There were two windows in the front. There were also bushes everywhere. On the side were a bunch of colorful roses. There were salmon colored ones, coral colored, ruby colored, and lavender colored. There was also a brown gate. There was a sapphire colored truck already parked in the driveway. The house looked amazing.

 

Rhonda got out of the car and ran to the door. She opened it and two dogs came to greet her. There was a black and white dog. It was skinnier than the other one. The other one was a smoky color. It had white on it's chest. Dakota could tell right away that it was a pitbull.

 

Rhonda went straight into the house. She quickly decided to tell her mom about Alex after she got into Cook.

 

She raced to this room. Dakota thought that it was her room. It was a small room. It had white and gold paint. It had anfel wallpaper. The angels were in the navy blue sky with a purple rope that they held onto. There were also magenta roses. There were posters with celebrities in dog. There were 3 of Chris Brown, 3 of Selena Gomez, 1 of Miranda Cosgrove, 2 of the Twilight cast, and 3 dog ones. Her bed had red sheets with a rose teddy bear. The carpet was an olive color. Her desk had a computer on it with a teddy bear lamp, a phone, CDs, and books. Below the desk was a printer and a Dog Fancy magazine. The closet had two mirrors. There was a big dresser with white cubby things with all her stuff. There were also stacks of CDs. Outside the closet was a laundry basket, drawers, a radio, and a garbage can. There was also a dog calendar up on the wall. The dog was posing with a cat with their heads put together. Another thing on the wall was a shelf with books and magazines. Dakota liked the room a lot because he thought it was unusual and unique.

 

Rhonda turned on her computer. It went to this blue screen. It had an icon with a dog. The name by it was Rhonda. She clicked the icon as fast as she could. The screen loaded to a picture of her dogs.

 

"Now I recognize those dogs." he thought. "She had a picture of them on her binder. I remember her saying that the black and white one was named Abigail and was a hound. The other one's Indy that's a pitbull. I wanted dogs like them."

 

On the computer she typed in stardoll.com. She had a username called "animals92". Shethen opened up another tab and went to youtube.com. She typed in "de la ghetto sensacion del bloque". She clicked on the first video it listed. The song played and she started to sing along with it.

 

"She wanted to learn Spanish." he thought.

 

Rhonda watched a lot of videos as Dakota learned the words to all of them.

 

The phone rang. Rhonda raced to get the phone.

 

"Hello."

 

"Hi Rhonda. It's Yuli."

 

"Hi Yuli. What's up?"

 

"Not much. I'm bored."

 

"Me too."

 

"So, whatcha doing?"

 

"Just listening to music, you?"

 

"I'm watching a show. I don't know what it's called."

 

"Cool. So, Juan's going going to Cook next year, right?"

 

"Yeah. I'm so happy. I hope he asks me out."

 

"You should ask him out. Remember when I told you that I asked out Dakota and he said no?" Dakota's heart started to race as she said his name.

 

"Yeah. I would ask him out, but I'm afraid that he'll reject me."

 

"So. If he says no then forget about him. I tried to forget about Dakota."

 

"That's the hard part, forgeting about him. I'm trying to forget about Juan, but he's going to Cook. That's even worse."

 

"Like you said, 'there's other fish in the sea'."

 

"That's right."

 

"Yep, and believe that too."

 

"Well, Rhonda, I gotta go."

 

"Ok. Bye Yuli."

 

"Bye."

 

They both hung up.

 

Dakota couldn't believe that they were talking about him. He started to feel guilty about rejecting Rhonda.

 

 

 

Author's Note

i'm only 11 turning 12 on june 22, so i might not have the greatest writing skills.

Reviews

[Rainbow Rider]

Okay, I said I'd be back and here I am. As I said in the previous post, your writting has improved remarkably. Now for the bad news. The way you started this feels like you put no thought into it.

"They turned down a couple streets. They finally turned down this court. The first thing Dakota saw was a black Yukon."

The last sentence is fine, but the first two? Maybe tell us what street they turned on. Like this:

'After driving across town, they finally arrived at (Name of street) street, where (Name who ever is driving) turned left and headed down to (name the court) court. When they turned the corner, the first thing Dakota saw was a black Yukon.

"Jes�s was Dakota's friend." I'm confused. Dakota is and Angel right? Which means he's dead, right? In which case this should read: 'Jesus HAD BEEN Dakota's (best) friend.

Okay, I'm off to read the next chapter.

[Rainbow Rider]

I must say, there is a remarkable improvement with this chapter over the first couple. It's getting late here where I am, so I'll wait until tomorrow to give you a full review. There isn't that much to correct here, just a couple of slip-ups, but they happen to us all. One thing to think about until I come back to review, Think of something cool that is green. Comparing the brightness, or sharpness of the color of the grass, to a tree feels odd. Isn't a tree usually brown? Except for the leaves, but then depending on the tree they could be different colors too.

Again, I want to let you know that your writting has shown a remarkable improvement. Keep writting, you'll get better everytime.