Did He Know Her? part 1 (chapter 3 of The Guardian Angel)

Dakota was gazing at Rhonda like crazy. Her artistry was perfect for him.

 

"Wow!" he thought. "Being a guardian angel is cool!"

 

As Yuli and Rhonda came through the door her mother told Yuli something in Spanish. Yuli and her family were hispanic. Her family was very sweet. Rhonda always questioned what they were saying, but sometimes she could recognize.

 

As Yuli and Rhonda sauntered to Yuli's room, they decided to change. Yuli struted over to the bathroom. Rhonda stood in her room changing. Dakota wished to not see this yet, but it happened.

 

Rhonda heard a knock on the door. "Are you ready?" Yuli asked.

 

"Yes, come in."

 

"Well, something interesting happened today."

 

"Yeah, I know. I'm extremely blessed. It was magical. Outstanding actually."

 

"Yes, it was."

 

Dakota observed them as they chatted away. Yuli had curly ebony hair with the greatest bronze eyes. She was husky, huskier than Rhonda.

 

"Did I know Rhonda before?" Dakota asked himself. He regonized her from somewhere in his life on Earth before he was gone. Dakota was crossing the avenue one day last year and one car didn't stop. He remembers taking notice in the ambulance coming after he was dead. The alarm on the ambulance was roaring on the road. He remembers the public settle outside the topaz colored sign saying "Do Not Cross". His parents raced to the front of the cramped line. His brother was also mourning.

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

i'm only 11 turning 12 on june 22, so i might not have the greatest skills writing. i also got higher vocabulary.

Reviews

[Bexfinch]

lots of errors nice idea but ur older than me so read mine like nit add detail to make it juicier

[Jasmin]

Much better :) I liked this chapter, it was fun to read and I will be reading more and more of this story, thanks for sharing :)


~Jasmin

[Crowley]

Wow, pretty good skills for 12, Keep up the good work. the writing is solid.

[deeps]

Wow! Now this set up is wonderful,
I like how you made a chnage with this one.
This is a chapter written wonderful.
Wonderful plot going and I enjoying the read.

Be more descriptive though tell us what
things mean and are, where they are at
and doing while they speak.

I think it is wonderful read so far.
Like it muchly.Just trying to help
i hope you don't think i am telling you
how to write. Just trying to help.

As for Vocab i can't help you there
I am not to good in that area. I like
What you have written.

[Rainbow Rider]

Much better then the previous ones. Remember the more you write, the better you will become. Also, remember to read OUTLOUD what you write after you write it, this will help you spot when and where you may have made a mistake in word usage or spelling. Please read this OUTLOUD and see if you spot anything. Only then go down and read what I wrote.
"As Yuli and Rhonda came through the door her mother told Yuli something in Spanish. Yuli and her family were hispanic. Her family was very sweet. Rhonda always question what they were saying, but sometimes she can recognize."
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Did you catch anything reading it OUTLOUD? Like the missing 'ed' to make question into questioned. And that you should have used the word 'could' instead of can? Also, at the end did you sense there was something missing when you read it OUTLOUD? maybe add the words, 'what they were saying.'

I like how you are writing, just keep in mind that reading outloud thing and you will see wonderous effects. Also, nice job on updating your profile page. This way people will know from where you are writting and help you out more so then just be what you might think is mean in thier comments. Again, good luck and keep writting, and keep me up to date on the story or new writtings.