Chapter 20.

A Chapter by lilfeather

20th chapter in the book "A Tale of Four Brothers"

"I can't find Conner."

There was a pause on the other end of the line. "I was wondering why you were calling."

Jason sighed. "Well? What am I supposed to do?"

"Well, what do you mean by you can't find him?"

"What does it sound like I mean, Ma? I looked around the house. I looked outside. I can't find him."

It was Judy's turn to sigh. "Oh, Jason."

"What? Are you angry at me?"

"Jason, when am I ever angry with you? I'm sure it's fine. Conner has the tendency to wander. He's quiet, so you know, so you can miss where he goes. I'm sure he's absolutely fine."

"I don't like people that just wander off."

"He's just a child."

"I know that. That's why it's even worse. Doesn't that make it worse?"

"You just have to understand him. Now, you're sure he's not just off somewhere in the house?"

"Positive. I looked in all the closets, Ma."

"Okay." Judy paused. "I'm sure it's fine. When did you last see him?"

Jason hesitated. "Well, I didn't want to worry you, so I didn't call like the second that I couldn't find him. But Conner and I dropped off Ian at work and came back here. And he said he was going to go upstairs, but ten minutes later when I went upstairs too, to wake Mich, I didn't see him up there. So I looked around the house."

"It's one o'clock now."

"I know, Ma. So it's been, like, a few hours, I know. I didn't think that� Well, Michal and I decided not to worry right away, because, like, you know� Who knows what the kid is up to�"

"Where's Michal?"

"He went out with Camille for a bit� Ian should be home soon."

"One of the first things Anthony told me was that Conner had the tendency to wander off. So it's not out of the ordinary for him. He gets curious."

"He should have told me." Jason had had four beers now. He didn't feel patient at all.

"Jason. Rationally, yes, of course. But he doesn't know that. Now, did you give him any reason to maybe want to leave the house?"

"Whattaya mean?" Jason responded.

"You remember last night. Was there any kind of repeat of that?"

"No."

"You sure? Something that you might not think of, but he might?"

Jason sighed. "No, Ma. I'd know. I just tried to talk to him a few times but he's not so good with conversations. Oh, I found out he smokes. I'm sure you're thrilled to know that."

"There are worse things, Jason. That we can handle."

"Maybe he went to get a pack of cigs."

"Jason, don't be fresh."

"I�m just frustrated, Ma. I don't know what you want me to do. You leave me with this kid, but what am I supposed to do with him? I didn't come home to babysit, you know that. I don't know what to do. I can't like keep glued to him every second to know where the hell he is."

"Jason," Judy replied firmly. "I don't expect that."

"And now I'm sittin' in the house all day, 'cause I don't want him coming back to an empty house or nothing, and I don't know what else to do."

"I have a good feeling that he's fine, Jason," Judy replied. "You just calm down. I don't expect you to be his keeper or anything. He's very independent. He'll be fine."

"So you're not worried?"

"Not yet."

"Well when is the point to become worried? Another hour? Another three hours? Five?"

"Jason, you disappeared yourself a few times for quite a while. So why don't you remember that and try to understand for a minute. We'll worry when the time comes to worry."

"When the time comes to worry? I don't know what that means."

"You do though."

"Okay, fine. So I won't do anything. He'll come back eventually."

"Right. Call me if he comes home before I get home from work."

Jason rolled his eyes. "Okay."

"Okay, I have to go, but I love you, jason."

"Love you too, Ma."

Conner wasn't quite sure where he was, but he was keeping, in his head, pretty good track of where he was going. He tried to walk straight simply because that was much easier to remember in order to get back.
He thought about not going back for a little while, and the pros and cons. He'd run away from another foster home once before. He hated being a kid because you stuck out pretty badly when you were alone for a while. Even in stores, just walking around, you tended to get attention because people figured you were suspicious walking around, likely not having money to buy stuff, or that you might have lost your parents.

When he'd run away that time, it took him a whole day of scrounging around on the street to work up the courage and the funds to get on a bus the next morning. The bus driver had studied him suspiciously, but didn't say anything as he paid and boarded. Conner sat in the back of the bus and didn't hear the driver make any calls or anything, but when he got off the next stop, twenty minutes away, there was a police officer waiting for him. Apparently there'd been an APB out with his description.

He didn't stay at that home long anyway.

So now he decided it was probably better just to go back. He'd made that promise with Jason anyway and so far nothing had happened there that would make a good case for explaining why he'd left.

When he stumbled along a strip of shops, he looked around curiously at the signs and what was available. That was when he noticed a music shop with a bunch of guitars in the window. That made him forget all of his current worries.

He immediately started over.

Jason thought that the biggest stress of his day would be the missing Conner. But it didn't end there. He didn't realize just how right he'd been about considering today to be just a really bad day until Ian got home from work.
Jason was watching an old Schwarzenegger movie on TV, enthralled by the bad plotline and fights, when he heard the front door slam shut.

Immediately he jumped to his feet and started towards the door, in time to catch a glance of Ian pounding his feet up the stairs.

"Ian," Jason called. He was hoping it would be Conner. "How was work?"

"Leave me alone, Jason," was Ian's reply and immediately Jason felt a funny feeling in his gut. That was a different tone in Ian's voice. A tone that meant something was wrong or something had happened.

"Hey, what's up?" Jason answered, starting up the stairs after him.

"I said, leave me alone, Jason," Ian persisted, continuing up the stairs.

"Tell me nothing's wrong and I will," Jason retorted. Ian was heading to the bathroom, and Jason caught up to grab his arm and pull him back. "Ian."

Ian turned and glared at Jason, and that was when he saw his face. His lip was cut open, swollen and bleeding. He was cut slightly above his right eye as well and his cheek was bruised and swollen. Jason noticed blood on his shirt.

"What the f**k, Ian?" Jason began, in shock. "What the f**k happened?"

"I said�" Ian persisted, his voice less confident now, "I said leave me alone."

"Not a chance. What happened?"

"Jason."

"For f**k's sake, Ian. Don't try to tell me nothing's wrong. Unless you wanna wait till Ma gets home and then we can all�"

"Ma won't know."

"She won't know? Have you looked in a f*****g mirror, pretty boy? Because she is sure as hell gonna notice the second she sees you."

"I'm cleaning up and going to Sofie's."

"No. You're not."

"Yes, Jason!" Ian insisted. "Yes, I am!"

Jason pointed a finger at him. "Don't you yell at me. Tell me what happened."

Ian shook his head.

Jason crossed his arms over his chest. "I'm not gonna get pissed at you for whatever happened, if that�s what you're worried about. I just wanna know what happened and if there's any asses that need to be kicked."

"No." Ian shook his head again.

Jason sighed. "Ian. You're going to tell me. You are going to tell me right now."

"You won't understand."

"Ian, you don't get my day. Conner's been gone for hours, I'm been cooped up here not knowing what the hell to do, and now you come back looking like you got hit by a car. So get over it, and f*****g tell me."

"Really? Where's Conner?"

"Don't change the f*****g subject."

Ian studied his older brother, who he knew would not budge an inch. When Jason wanted to he could be the most stubborn one in the house. And Jason was always taking responsibility, being the 'man of the house', so Ian knew this was not something he could slip away from.

"If I do, you get out of my f*****g way, and let me go to Sofie's."

"Ma's gonna find out. And she hates you missing dinner."

"Well, f**k, Jason. I don't know what else to do�." Ian sounded a bit regretful.

"Just tell me and let's figure it out."

Ian took a few steps, as though pacing for a moment, and then leaned against the hallway wall and gave Jason a sigh. "I asked you the other day if you had any money."

"Yeah."

"Well, you didn�t give me any, and I currently don't got any, and at the same time, I need that money. I told you I needed that money. So with that, you can kind of piece things together..."

Jason pressed his lips together.

Ian could see Jason getting annoyed. Tell me and I won't be pissed? Yeah, right. This was definitely going to piss off Jason.

"When are you gonna get your s**t together?" Jason asked. "Huh?"

"I asked you for help!"

"No. No you didn't. You asked to borrow money."

"And you said no!"

"You need to stop hustling people, you understand me? You need to get new f*****g friends, Ian. You're always involved in this s**t. You dealing anything this time?"

"Jason. You asked me to tell you what happened, I'm telling you what happened."

"You dealing?"

"No," Ian answered shakily.

"If you lie to me, so help me God�"

"I ain't lying. I don't know what the f**k you want me to tell you, Jason. You say, get out of it, get out of it. You can't just f*****g get out of it. It's not like some stupid game that you can just quit, don't you understand that?"

"I f*****g understand it," Jason retorted. "You think I haven't been around the block, Ian? But you think I don't understand why you never seem to learn? You do this all the f*****g time. One day, it's not going to be a fistfight, one day it's gonna be a gun. Then what are you gonna do?"

"I know you have money, Jason. I know you've been saving money. Can't you�"

"F**k, Ian. Are you seriously asking me this again?"

Ian shook his head. "I don't believe you. You never want to help me! You act all high and mighty. It's not like you never did any s**t, Jason. Don't act like you're some angel. You always come home, acting like you're our dad or something now, like you're that much older anyway, like you've been places, and like you're suddenly all clean, when it's you that has the gun and still knocks out anyone that looks at him funny. Because you're so much f*****g better than me."

He stopped. A moment of silence passed.

Jason stared at him hard, working his jaw. "You done?"

Ian just blinked. "F**k you, Jason. I hate you."

Jason was boiling. This was the lack of patience. This was the inability to be rational. But he held back. He forced himself to hold back. "Wash up. Then come downstairs. You're not going to Sofie's."

"Yes. I am," Ian said stiffly. "Stop bossing me."

"You just got the s**t kicked out of you, Ian. You were supposed to be at work, acting straight, and you come home like this? What am I supposed to�"

"I was at work! Things were fine at work. It was when I got out of work. Somebody had it out for me."

"Well, maybe you deserved it," Jason replied. "I'd be pissed if you didn't pay me back either. That's why I don't want to lend you any f*****g money."

"You just don't want to help me," Ian said back roughly. "Get out of my face, Jason."---

Conner came back, six dollars and change in his pocket now that he'd bought a drink to finish on the way back. It was a longer walk back than he'd expected, but it was well worth it considering all the stuff he'd gotten to see at the guitar shop. The guy that worked there was really nice too. He let him play with an old acoustic for a while, nothing at all like most people that he found working at stores.
He came through the front door carefully, pulling open the door with a bit of hesitation. He technically lived here, but he felt like he was walking into somebody else's house that he wasn't supposed to. It filled him with a sense of anxiety and fear, but in his head he knew he was in the right.

When he got inside and shut the door, he heard yelling from up the stairs. Somebody was fighting. That made him even more nervous and he froze for a minute, not knowing what to do. It brought back a collage of old feelings and he swallowed. Maybe he should go? But where would he go? And he'd already made the effort to come back�

Before he could make up his mind, Jason was storming down the stairs with heavy, loud steps and an irritated look on his face.

Conner immediately decided he should go as Jason reached the bottom of the stairs.

"You," Jason began.
Conner was just reopening the front door to try to dart out when Jason caught his arm and yanked him back inside, next landing a hard slap against the seat of his jeans. It didn't really hurt but it made Conner freeze.

"Where the hell have you been?" Jason demanded. "All day?"

All those other times Jason had answered that he wasn't mad. Now he was mad. Conner just stared at him with wide eyes and the inability to say anything. He wasn't sure what to do. Apparently he'd done something wrong.

"Huh? Where do you disappear to for that long a time?" Jason demanded.

Conner whimpered a little and tried to pull his arm back.

That was when Jason snapped back to himself and cursed. He tilted his head back in exasperation and sighed. "F**k. F**k, f**k, f**k," he said.

There was silence as Jason rubbed his eyes tiredly.

"I'm sorry�" Conner said timidly. What did he do?

Jason dropped down to a squat and looked up at him, moving to hold Conner by the waist. "No, I'm sorry. It's me that's sorry." Then he realized what he was doing, and he pulled his hands off of Conner and said. "F**k, you probably don't want me to touch you anyway, huh? I won't if you don't want me to."

Conner just looked at him and took a step back, inching up to the door again.

"It's not you. You were just kinda a factor," Jason began. "I've been worried about you all day and then Ian comes home fucked up. And that's just like the breaking point, you know?"

Conner shook his head. He didn't know. He had no idea what Jason was talking about.

"You probably hate me too," Jason muttered. "This is great. Do you hate me?"

Conner hesitated and wasn't sure how to answer. Should he agree with him or should he try to have a positive answer? He had no idea.

"Ian got beat up after work, that's why I'm mad," Jason insisted. "I know you probably never believe me, but I'm actually not mad at you at all. Well, okay, maybe a little tiny bit. At least I'll be honest."

Conner wished he could disappear into the door he was leaning against. He stared at Jason's hands, which were now just hanging loosely in front of him, and swallowed back the lump that was in his throat.

"Ma said not to touch you, really," Jason began. "But you gotta understand that I�m just like� a physical person� I'm not meaning it or anything. And I'd never actually touch you, if you get what I mean."

Conner caught noise above them and looked up to see Ian coming down the stairs, looking equally irritated.

Ian looked at them in front of the door and muttered, "Good, the baby's back. F*****g great."

Jason straightened up and turned to Ian. "We're gonna talk."

"I already told you, Jason. I'm going to Sofie's," Ian insisted. "And you can't tell me not too."

"Ian."

"I already told her I'm comin', so just f**k off, Jason."

Jason saw out of the corner of his eye Conner's hand on the doorknob. With a slight turn and pull the door edged open. Jason reached out and pushed the door shut abruptly, giving Conner a stern look.

"Nobody's going anywhere. We're gonna stay here."

"I don't want to stay here," Ian answered impatiently. "Is this because you hate Sofie, Jason? F*****g hell. I'll go out the back door then." He stalked off.

Jason began to follow and then stopped short in his tracks. Conner. He was not letting Conner out of his sight until Ma got home. He was not having him disappear a third time.

Conner was just standing there sheepishly, staring at the floor.

"Come with me," Jason directed. "And I won't have to pull you with me." He beckoned him forward as he started into the other room. Looking back, he was pleased that Conner was following, even if he was dragging his feet.

"Ian!" Jason yelled. "You better still be in this house!"

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