Part 1

Part 1

 

 

Ten years ago...

 

"I had the best dream father, he was even more handsome than the last time I remember, his red gold hair was like fire and his eyes deep blue, ocean blue."  I sat back on the trailer of the porch in my favorite chair, looking to where Remy and his new girlfriend were kissing on the other.  My father pushed the woman off himself and stood over me, anger in his eyes.

"Again?  Where were you this time?" he asked me, a much more gentle smile of his face now.  I must have been mistaken in thinking he was mad before, he was never mad at me unless I got a spell wrong.  He was always telling me it was important to get them right, to be able to defend myself from the governance, from the ones that sought to take me away.

"We were on a beach, and we were playing in the sand.  Can we go to the beach?"  Father nodded, eyes crinkling in the corners as he looked at me.  We had been training all year, much more that we did last year, and father said there was something big coming, he could feel it.   When he felt it was safe, he promised to take me to see the ocean.

"Sure Bijou, but tell me, was there anything else in the dream?  Anyone else, or just the two of you?" I loved when he called me ‘little jewel’, he never called the other children here any nicknames.  He pushed some of my hair out of my eyes, it was tangled because I hated brushing it.  Candace used to brush it for me, but she wasn't here anymore.  Father said she wasn’t ready for us, for the commitment it took to live out in the free magic like we did.

"He had two parents, and they sat real close to us.  His mother is so pretty!"  I giggled finding it funny.  In the dream she had played with my hair, threading her slender fingers through it while we played.  My own mother died when I was born, I never got to feel her hands in my hair.

"I'm sure you thought so.  What was his name love, the boy?" he asked me.  I thought back, and remembered that we never even talked.

"Oh I don't know.  Do you think he will come soon?  Lilly said that the dreams meant I had a mate, isn’t that like a boyfriend?" I asked, curious about why father never talked about boys.  The other kids teased me about my dreams, they said cruel things about me when they thought I couldn’t hear.

"Mates are something else, Bijou, and none of it is good," he told me, his eyes darkening to black as he said it.  Whenever father talked about something that made him mad, the clouds darkened and his eyes switched to the color of night, as they did now.

"Is that why you try so many girlfriends?  You haven't found your mate?" I asked him.  He always had a girlfriend over.

"Your mother was my mate, and she left me."  It was an old story he told me over and over, but understand why you could only have one mate, it seemed unfair.

"Mama died, I know.  It's why I must stay with you, near you always."

"Yes Bijou, it's why I keep you close.  It's why you can never leave me, and I cannot ever let you go now.  You look so much like her, it eases me to have you safe here." I nodded my head at him, knowing that I was the only one that could cheer him up.  I was the only one that could bring him back when he got too angry.

"Lilly said I won't ever have a mate because I'm weird, so don't worry."  I padded his large arm, thick with his large muscles and light blonde hair.  It was the same color as my own, it stood out almost white in the moonlight that was out tonight.

"You are strong and special, and Lilly is jealous of that, just as others will be envious of everything you can accomplish.  You are a Moreau, and we were born from the king’s blood, you are descended from the strongest magical blood ever to grace this plane.  One day, you will be even stronger, even more powerful than me Bijou.   But you must practice, do what you are told, because one day they are going to come for you, they are going to come for me, and we must fight back.”  I nodded my understanding and was rewarded by a rare smile from my father.

“Sebastian told me during spell lessons the other day that his father wants to leave.  He thinks you are delusional and paranoid, he said you were starting to lose it, what does that mean?”  I think I had an idea, but we didn’t have any way for me to look the words up.

“People don’t grow out of their bad habits, adults sometimes tease people too, so pay no attention to what the others say.  They are only jealous, and those that aren’t, are simply afraid of you.  The weak fear the strong, it has been so since the beginning,”  He smoothed my hair back, looking in my eyes.

 “You remember that spell I taught you?"  I nodded again.

"The one that can confuse the eyes?" I asked.  We had so many lessons and I wanted to please him by remembering.

"Yes, you can insert your vision into their own for a few seconds, and it makes them silly.  Remember how many times you fell over?" he asked, and I laughed when thinking of it.

"Well, pick a good time and practice with the ones that tease you.  It should teach them a lesson about picking on a Moreau."  I smiled, knowing just when I was going to do it.  Father placed his hand on my head, and a tickling feeling overcame my brain. 

"Stop it father, that itches," I said, trying to scratch his hand away.  He bent down to look in my eyes again, he looked sad again.

"Did you have good dreams Bijou?" he asked me and I nodded.

"I played on the beach!" I said.

"With who?" father asked, but when I went to think back my head hurt.

“I think it was just me," I said feeling sad.  I rubbed my forehead and yawned, knowing I needed to go back to bed but not wanting to just yet.

"Bon," father said in French, and he pulled Penelope onto his lap once more.  "Go back to bed love, we are going hunting tomorrow morning," he told me.  Penelope smiled at me, her hand rubbing on my father’s chest like I did with the stray cats that hung around.

“Hunting what?” I asked, excitement in my eyes.  I had a new bow that my father bought for me last spring, and I didn’t get to use it much.  I could kill more game with my spells, but I liked using the weapons.

“Spies,” he said smiling.  I looked at him confused, but he starting kissing her again, and I made my way back towards my room, the woman's giggles echoing in my head all the way.

Reviews

[Amanda Dawn Sanderson-G..]

I'm glad I reviewed this story last night and caught your attention! Your revision to the story was incredible and I think you did so well. Thank you for letting me read it again, I enjoyed it very much. There was just enough dialogue and enough description to keep me intrigued while letting me understand who each character really is.

Good job!

[lmkeck3510]

I owe you a big thanks, it really changed the tone of the beginning and when I went back and started editing more there were many times where I relied heavily on the dialogue. It made it so much better so thanks!!

[Amanda Dawn Sanderson-Greer]

I'm definitely a lot more intrigued than before and it shows how well of a writer you truly are. I look forward to reading more of your work.

[Amanda Dawn Sanderson-G..]

I'm a little confused as to who the people in the story are, right now. Are they witches/wizards (with spells) or are they werewolves (which would explain the mates)?

I'm going to continue to read but it didn't really catch my attention as much as I'd have liked but maybe because I felt there was too much dialogue. I usually like my beginnings to show more of a character build up or a description of the idea of the story. Don't get me wrong, I love dialogue but it can be overused or can be used at the wrong times. I may have liked more of a monologue from the viewpoint of the girl instead of a constant flow of talking with her father. I'd have like to have gotten a little more into her head so I could know a little more about a single character before moving to the next chapter. It would have kept me interested more so than the dialogue itself.

But I am not discrediting you because I'm not English major and I'm not a paid editor or adviser of any sort so don't take my comment as a bad thing. Take from it what you agree with and continue working on your story the best you can. I do look forward to seeing how the story goes from here.

[lmkeck3510]

I appreciate the feedback, reading it again I can understand the confusion totally. Let me know, if you want to, how you feel after reading the next chapter. It might clear things up, and if it doesn't then I obviously need to rethink the opening. Thanks for taking the time to read!

[Amanda Dawn Sanderson-Greer]

Not a problem, I'm always looking for a good read and finding new authors. Plus I enjoy helping other authors succeed in their writing and grow their talents. Writing has been a huge passion in my life for so long so I enjoy sharing it with others and letting them share with me.

[Scott Mou]

I liked it...the dialouge felt fresh and and detail was good. I cant wait to finish this novel