Chapter 4

Assessment

 

I made it to lunch, not that I had much of an appetite.  Between worrying about the assessment, fending off the questions and staring from the students, and thinking about JP, I was in a weird mood.  I grabbed what I thought I could eat and made my way outside. 

There was a small patio attached to the back of the cafeteria.  The weather was getting a bit colder now, so I had the majority of the area to myself.  I sat down, playing with the apple in my hands, when I heard someone behind me. 

"You have a very intriguing power signature," I called over my shoulder as West approached.  "You project a bit too much when you concentrate on something.  You should work on it, if you are going to work for them,” I explained, taking a bit of my apple and pointing towards the building. 

He dropped his tray in front of me.  "I wouldn't mess with Raquel anymore.  She's on one hell of a tear after what you said to her," he told me as he took a huge bite out of his sandwich.  Obviously ignoring my correction.

"Then why are you out here with me, instead of comforting her delicate tendencies?" I asked feeling for once a small smile on my lips.

"I'll tell you if you switch my text book back."  He was smiling back, even his teeth were mocking me in their perfection.

I didn't get a chance to answer as his own personal gaggle of geese walked onto the patio, staring in shock at where he was sitting.  Mave and Logan were the exceptions, they were giving me some genuine smiles, and I returned them gladly.

"We couldn't find you in the cafeteria, I was worried," Raquel said as she sat down on West's lap.  He didn't move her, and it made me wonder why people did things they so clearly would rather not, he looked uncomfortable.

"Worried I might interest him?" I asked her.  She did that red faced thing again, but held her chin up.  Everyone else took up seats near us.  I bet they didn’t know they were getting a show with their meal.

"That is one thing I don't have to worry about, now, you going crazy on him and possibly hurting him, yes."  I rolled my eyes so hard it hurt.

"Who me?  I'm harmless," I said with a laugh, biting into my apple with much more tenacity than it required.

"Harmless?  My cousin is friends with James Jin, you remember him don't you?  He's the one that you paralyzed in his sleep one night, you left him a whole two days before you told someone.  No one could move him, the governance couldn't remove the spell, he...he...went to the bathroom on himself."  I narrowed my gaze on her, and I was sad to say I was surprised she went there with me this fast.

"James was sneaking out of his bed at night to keep warm in mine.  Needless to say he was uninvited, as were his hands on my body, so I taught him a lesson.  Trust me the idea I had in mine first was much worse, and tell your friend they should be careful around him.  He likes them young," I told her flatly still remembering the feel of his hands on me that first night.

"See what I'm talking about West!  Your mother and father would have a brain aneurism if they found you were talking to..."

"To Remy's daughter?" I finished for her, her voice was starting to give me a migraine, and her lame attempts to hurt me were tiring.

"Wait, that's right MacKinnon!” I said to West.  “Your parents are on the governance board aren't they?  I remember them from my hearing once I was released from the hospital, granted I could only see them with my good eye but you look so much like your father, I should have recognized you."  He might have blushed for just a second but it was gone as soon as it came.

"Yes, and the fact that their son seems to be associating with you, well it would send them through the roof.  They are very protective of their sons."  She straightened up, looking like the chosen princess.

"Oh don't worry Raquel, they seemed perfectly nice to me then.  As it was I had half of my face almost melted off by my own father, who then killed one of the guards sent to bring him in, and consequently chased me for almost five miles before reaching me and trying to kill me again.  After that he had his beta sexually assault me, so you can see they seemed to be fairly sympathetic to me after all that."  It was crickets at the lunch table after that, no one making eye contact with me except for West, who seemed unable to break our stare.  His eyes turned sad and I snapped, I hated when people looked at me like that, and for some reason I didn't want him specifically to look at me like that.

'Pity is a luxury for those who still mourn, it has been long enough for me,’ I projected to his mind.  He threw Raquel off his lap and came at me.  I leapt from my seat and tried to backpedal to the wall, feeling taken off guard.  He pinned me into the wall, hands on each shoulder as he held me there

"How the hell did you do that?" he asked me on a hiss.

'You're a mind mage, and you've never experienced that before?  Anyone strong enough should be able to direct their thoughts to you.  You sure as hell are strong enough to take them, I bet if I concentrated I could reach you miles away.'

'I don't like it,' he said back to me, it was a bit crackly but it worked well enough for me to get a slice of his anger with it.

'Very good, first attempt?'  He nodded his head in response.  'You don't like it because it goes against your nature, you are made to go into other's minds, not be taken in your own.  If you were an animal, your head would be your territory, and your protective instincts are to feel threatened even when you know you aren't.  You are strong enough to endure it, then conquer it, and in that you can be even more powerful then you are now.'  West looked at me again, anger warring in his eyes with excitement.

"Get the hell off of her Mr. Mackinnon," I heard JP call out from the archway, looking every bit the Professor as I had imagined him to be.  West promptly dropped his hands and looked at them, like they would come alive and strangle him.

"What were you thinking?  We don't tolerate physical altercations of any kind here, surely you know that by now," JP said glaring at West.

"It's okay JP, I overstepped my bounds, as I'm sure you can imagine," I said a wry smile on my face to try and get him to relax a bit.

"I don't care if you were miles from the line, no one puts their hands on you, not anymore," he said to me, like he had in the past, a past it seemed we were doomed to keep reliving it together.

"And I'm telling you, I did something I ought not to have, let it go and you can walk with me to the assessment.  I need some pointers so I don't light my instructor on fire, or paralyze him so long he s***s himself," I said loud enough for Raquel to hear.  I head a whoop of muffled laughter as Mave and Logan turned and walked away. 

"Do I want to know what you did, or what you were talking about?" JP asked me with a much lighter tone as we walked down the hall.

"Oh no, but if you were curious I told you to read my file," I said jabbing his side with my elbow.

"I'd rather not," he told me, easy smile giving way to a thin frown.

"So you got any last tips before I go and do this?" I asked as we stepped outside the women's locker room.  I had to change out of my uniform for the assessment.

"If I did I doubt it would help you, you run on pure instinct and I wouldn't want to mess that up," he said as he scanned my face.

"Did you tell them how I fight?" I asked him.

"I did, but to be honest I don't think they will know what hit them.  Engaging you is...challenging.  Just don't do any permanent harm and try not to get too cocky.  Other than that I'm going to enjoy the show, it's been quite a while since I've seen you spar."  I chuckled, it came out a bit nervous but it felt good to get some positive encouragement from him.  It made me a bit nervous though, he had never really seen me unleash my potential and I hoped he wouldn't be disgusted with me.

"You'll pull me though right, if I get triggered?" I asked him, a desperation in my voice was breaking free at the possibility, and I needed to know he would step in.

"Of course..Bij…I mean Brie," he said, the tenderness in his voice and face cut deep through my anxiety.

"Brie is cheese JP, or do you want me to call you John Paul the next time I see you in the hallway?" I asked out over my shoulder to him as I backed into the locker room.

"Break a leg!" he shouted back to me.  I saluted him back, here's to hoping that all that breaks.

I exited the room, entering the small office that was currently occupied by Marion.  She gave me a big smile and made the introductions.

"Brienne this is Ms. Belle, she is the defensive magic coordinator.  And this is her counterpart, Mr. King the offensive magic coordinator.  They, along with some of the senior combat specialists, will be taking you through a small obstacle course.  It is standard for everyone, and most find it quite enjoyable.  Those that wish to watch are encouraged, it can be very educational. 

"That said, we encourage you to keep it as real as you can so we can get a good gauge for where you are starting out at.  JP has informed us you might be further along than we first thought, but until we see what you can do out there we won't really know.  Feel free to use full power but be careful in what spells you use, the goal is not to hurt on another only to learn.  I won't tolerate excessive force, or injuries that aren't necessary."  I'm sure I looked surprised that they were going to give me that much freedom out there.

"Did you read my file?" I asked Marion disbelieving that she really did.

"I read it, but I trust you," she said nodding to Ms. Belle and then leaving the room.

"You will follow me in, blindfolded, and when you hear the buzzer you have two minutes to get through the maze.  There will be myself and Professor King as well as two selected seniors.  Do you have any questions?"  Did I?  But how many of them would I dare ask.

"Who are the students?" I asked her, she looked surprised but pleased I asked.

"Weston Mackinnon, and Mave St. James.  Good question," she said as she sheathed my eyes in darkness.

 

***

 

"What the hell was that?" I heard JP bellow at me down the hallway.  I flinched, for the first time around him feeling unsure about myself.

"They told me to treat it as real, did no one read my file?" I asked, to no one in particular.  I was sitting on the ground outside one of the classrooms, dropping the pretense and using some of the air around me to create a cool breeze.

"You can't use that kind of magic Brienne, it's unnatural."  He looked angry with me and I couldn't really understand it.

"What kind of magic, the kind that I do, or that kind that reminds them of Remy?"  He had the audacity to look at me like I was the one who didn't get it.

"They aren't ready for that, you just confused the hell out of what we have spent five years teaching them."

"Real magic is not bound by rules, it is created within.  I agree, we can and should follow basic principles to keep everyone safe, and protect each person’s rights, but that is not the reality of magic.  That is a construct this school created to keep them contained, to keep magic as it is unintended to be.  It is inherently fluid and beautiful, and each one of us has to find our own way within that.   Why on earth would that be detrimental to their education?  I followed their rules, down to the last letter.  I used no excessive force, no one was hurt."  His eyes were huge as he stared at me, and expression that looked close to horror on his face.

"That's because you healed them!"

"JP, pain is a tool as much as a weapon.  There is a reason humans use shock collars on their pets, it teaches something on a cellular level.  The body often obey’s when the mind does not," I told him plainly, appealing to his reason.

"I don't even know you," he said blinking his eyes like someone else was going to appear in front of him.

"No, you just want me to be someone I'm not.  I am his daughter JP, I was raised for fifteen years by his hand, and hand fed like baby bird everything both good and bad that he believed to be true.  This is who I am, not the thirteen year old little girl who you wanted to save.  I am not her, I'm not Livia.”  I could see his eyes, disbelieving and quite ready to leave.

"You don't get to bring her into this," he said on a whisper, pain filling his face.

"You couldn't save her, I get that JP.  But I don't need it anymore, I'm not weak like she was."

"She wasn't weak!" he roared at me.  I flinched as he used his own magic to stop the breeze I created.

"That may be, but it doesn't change the facts.  You loved her, perhaps more than you will love another, but hiding from the truth will never allow the past to change.  You can love someone else, someone who is strong enough to never leave you."  We had entered territory we had circled around for a while, it was conversation perhaps better suited to another day, but it couldn't be helped now.  It was the current under which every other conversation flowed, and it needed to be addressed.

"Livia isn't like me, you have to know that.  Have you been picturing her the whole time you were with us, was it her face you saw when I came around, was it her you kissed that night?"  I had the sudden thought I shouldn't have gone that far, but I was sick of being the only one willing to mention what was going on.

"I kissed you because I wanted to, just as I did when I left you there," he said bitterly.  I hadn't felt pain in quite a while, my father saw to it my threshold was high, but a stab of something sharp hit me in the side.

"You left me there because you thought, just for a second, that I was more like them then you.  That hesitation was enough, and I paid for it.  I get it now JP, there can never be an us, not just because of her, but because of me.  You probably know me the best, of anyone sadly, so what does that say about me?"  It made sense to me, but there was dark look in his eyes that indicated I had done something wrong.

"I want you moved out by the end of the month, I'll give you that long and then you need to find somewhere else," he said, eyes shut tight as he turned his head the other way.

"Of course JP, I owe you that much," I said in a flat voice, but feeling like I just lost something important.

"Was it all a lie?" I asked him, again, this time for a different reason.

"You're not ready for the answer."  He took one more step and left me sitting alone, waiting for someone to come and tell me what the hell I did wrong.