The Challenge of Love Fourteen

The next few weeks were long and strange. My days with the boys were joyful. Full of adventure, excitement and noise, but joyful. It wasn't until after they left that my promise haunted me.

In the quiet aftermath of the evenings I felt lonely and very alone. When I was with my family the loneliness seemed worse. In the quiet of my room I tried to settle the disquiet I felt, but found myself thinking of Dave instead.

Other then when Dave dropped the boys off and picked them up I didn't see him. And then he seemed to avoid me. He even avoided making eye contact. I wondered at the empty hollow feeling I had each time he looked away. More and more he seemed to be slipping away. Maybe if I were older or more like Julie he would notice me.

Then I would remember that day at the river. Almost, almost, I could almost believe he had seen me that day. Sometimes I wondered if it was a dream of my making. Then I'd look at the blue, yellow and green bruises on my legs from slipping on the rocks and know that at least part of it was real. The nervous happiness I'd felt that day disappeared and was replaced by a ever deepening sadness.

I found myself talking to Julie, apologizing for my failure to keep my promise to her. Frequently I would hear her reassuring voice deep inside. But the gloominess prevailed. I could feel No'hta'wiy's eyes following me at times and wondered if he was disappointed in me. Sometimes I felt I had promised too much. I loved the boys, but that wasn't enough. The passing of time convinced me that my loving the boys wasn't nearly enough. The days were getting shorter and the winds cooler. I found myself missing the long summer days and as the bruises healed I began to wonder if I'd imagined those as well.

I found myself caught in the limbo between my promise to Julie and a longing to go out with my school friends. My distress deepened when a friend wanted me to go on a double date with her. No one knew of my promise. And as I told one person after another no, rumors began to spread. I'm not sure what all of them were, but none were very nice. My small group of friends became even smaller. If it hadn't been for Mark, Jason and William, and the joy I felt when I was with them I might have succumbed to temptation.

School would be starting soon and Mark and Jason would be getting on the bus in the mornings. I wasn't sure how I felt about that, but I knew I would miss them. I had grown accustomed to having William following me everywhere. After school started it would just be the two of us. Then Dave decided that William should be attending preschool. The disappointment I felt was crushing.

The week school started I was at a loss as to what to do. Staying busy was harder and harder to do. With trepidation I put in for a job at the grocery store. When I got the job it helped by keeping my days busy and the paycheck was nice, but I missed my boys.

I'm not really sure when they became my boys, but the the less I saw them the stronger the feeling became. Now that I was seeing them only on Sundays, I missed them desperately. And after the first Sunday Dave sat far away from my family. He had to. The boys were so excited when they sat with me that keeping them quiet during the service was impossible.

I found myself looking forward to work on Mondays. Facing the day at home would have been miserable. The days continued to shorten and the winds blew colder still. I really didn't mind the cold, but the short days wore at me. The house was ladened in shadows and seemed lonelier then it ever had. The first snow caught me unprepared. When I left work my car refused to start and one of the guys from work gave me a ride home.

Josh was a nice guy, new to the area, and was interesting to talk to. I found myself relaxing around him on the drive home. Dismayed I realized it had been a long time since I felt relaxed. Not since before my promise.

After that evening we often ate together. Our friendship, built on a bond of shared loneliness, grew into more of a family bond. His visits to the home place became more and more often. I knew it was only a matter of time before the rumors would start. Small town and communities are like that. Everyone knows everyone, is related to almost everyone and anything new and exciting is worth talking about. Most mean no harm, but sometimes it's hard to live in a area where everyone knows everyone.

Author's Note

I think this chapter is finished. Any suggestions or observations are welcomed.

Reviews

[M Garcia]

Good job. It seems like Josh has come out of nowhere.

[Marie Harrison]

Enjoyed this chapter very much. Interesting read.

[Wicahpi]

seems fine to me Norma! it's hard to go from noise of family around
to silence. you write fine :) enjoyed this read.

[Morning Star]

I love this story and i love small towns
everybody is always so friendly
You are so right you can't keep any secrets
In a small town everyone knows everyone's
Business rumors do travel fast
Love this story and the imagery your words captured
Fantastic i would not change anything!!
Wishing you Peace Love and Light

[Coyote Poetry]

A very good story. I like small towns. Life changes and we must move with the flow of life. A very good ending to the story. I like stories that tell a story of true life and the problems we must learn to accept. Thank you for sharing.
Coyote