The Cornfield

Chapter One: The Cornfield

The cornfield is flushed with long stocks of corn plants. The slight wind pushes the corn side from side. It would almost be a peaceful time if it wasn’t this field.

This terrible, terrible, field of death. Bodies filled under the hard dirt surface. They served as a reminder of the sin that occurred in the field weekly. Life hit full circle and gave life to this its corn protectors.

The big dark crows sit on the wooden gated enclose of the field. It is pitch black outside so they blend in with the environment.  They rarely crock out.

The woman with long tangled blonde hair runs almost out of breath looking for a place to hide. She searches and searches for someplace. She hears the crashing noises behind her. The fear of the situation sinks into her chest.

She turns the corner and the knife blade slides through the corn stocks then lands into the center of the woman’s chest.

She screams out.

The man hears the scream. He looks into the empty void of the night. He sings softly.

 

Her voice fades

Into the night

The wind carries

A smell of what has happens

Hits my nose as I get closer to the scene

The screams are

Lost and gone

The fear at the end of my dark, dark mind

Her voice fades

My dreams crash

As I see her stretched against the earth

Into an ugly, disgusting place

A place I’m trapped

By my own desires and will

Her voice fades

Into the bawls of my sinking soul

A soul now tortured by this sight

I searched and failed to find my peace, as

Her voice fades…

 

The man falls to his knees. He wraps the woman in his arms as her blood escapes on to his pant legs. His tears hit her pale face as she only has minutes left to live.

She looks up at him, “I love you.”

He stares into her hazel eyes, “I love you too.”

She closes her eyes for a moment then opens them, “Behind you!” She screams out.

The man turns as he is hit to the floor.  He drops the woman and falls over to the floor. The dark figure with the brown rag sack mask over its face. The figure plunges the already bloody knife into the man.

            He groans as the pain courses through his body as it starts to get cold. The figure laughs and starts to drag the woman’s body away.

            Ounces and ounces of blood escape on to the dirt ground. It pools around the man. He tries to keep her eyes out. The life is leaving him.

            Footsteps are heard next to him. A figure comes out of the corn into the clearing. The figure gets up closer to him.

            He can make out that it is a she. A pale woman with long straight red and orange hair. She stares at him.

He makes a noise, trying to speak.

“Don’t speak, just listen, nods if you understand?” Her voice is soft.

He weakly nods.

“Okay, so I have a deal for you. If you accept it, I will heal you but you have to work for me. And mostly, you have to give me your soul. Nod if you accept.”

He hesitates but nods.

“Okay good,” She leans over and touches him. After a few moments, he is healed.

“How…?” He says aloud.

“Don’t think about that right now. You must run away. He will be back.”

“But I need to save her.” He hesitates.

“She is already dead.” She looks at him then points to the distance, “Now run.”
He hesitates then runs.

He slides in and out of corn stocks as they hit him in the body. The coldness of the night stings his face. After a few moments, he escapes the field and searches for a way to survive.

Reviews

[Secret Valentine]

its very intriguing. good job. keep going

[CrimsonBlaze]

Woah. II personally like how this is going :D. Great way to drag a reader in firsthand and hook them into the whole.thing! There were a few errors that I stumbled upon, but I am sure they are listed by other reviewers down below. Reminds me of that wierd movie Dead Bird or somthing like that. I do remember cornfields in it and I started thinking about it while reading. Not that it was identical to rhe story; it just reminded me of it. (I just reallly kept my head buried in my arms during the movie) okay youre pronably wonderinf what the heck this has gotta do with the chapter but in ther words, this waa susupensful

[Pyrrha Rayn]

Found this rather intriguing. You create such an elaborate story line that I find most pleasurable. Keep going can't wait for more.

[Renée]

this may be an error.. " He trys to keep her eyes out" I think you meant something else ..

[quarintine_deathangel]

Awh I was hoping there'd be a scarecrow god in there somewhere XDD Although, it's an awesome plot set up and for no cars in the middle of a cornfeild, it was awesome and action packed! next chapter is definantly anticipated

[Arly Parent]

Little nitpicky things: "side from side."
maybe one less terrible and somehow increase the stress on field subtly?
maybe present tense in "They served as..."
punctuation in the last line of the second paragraph and maybe reconsider the repetition of life in that line as well.

Just "big dark crows..." with no "The".

corn stalks not "stocks"

the song has some grammatical errors such as "has happens"

Also, it goes kinda abruptly from him hearing to him being by her side i think. It needs an intermediate step.

You could use an adjective to denote how fast she opened her eyes in warning.

maybe struck and not hit to the floor

Way too specific with the amount of blood. Or if you have to use ounces, maybe "Ounce after ounce of blood" and a nice liquidy adjective would set the scene a bit better.

nod if you understand not nods

"...escapes the field, [*searching] for a way to survive maybe?"

The story has some potential. It just needs to be proofread and adding some more concrete, fluid imagery would really bring all the pieces together. It would be really cool. It's nothing that a few more drafts won't work out. I like it so far so good job and good start. I think it will turn out to be something really nice when it's polished. Oh, using em dashes to explain things instead of a short statement would really be helpful for you.
I was getting the fantasy vibe. Is that where you're heading with this story?

[Marie]

Interesting.

[Heromen Selena]

nice first chapter. Can't wait to see how it plays out. Very nice :)

[Lina Grey]

Ooh..chilling. A suspenseful beginning. The only thing I noticed would be how the woman screamed "behind you" as she died. That doesn't seem realistic to me, since the woman would be weak and unable to think clearly and logically. Don't dying people generally just have enough energy to widen their eyes in fear or something? Just a suggestion. Other than that, it's an excellent story. I can't wait to read more! Thank you.