Gone but not forgotten

I am dying.Clyde said to himself,he had been drifting in and out of of a semi coma state all day and could not keep his eyes open for more then an hour or he would silenly pass out and would not wake up for at least ten hours,every time he passed out like that he feared that he was not going to wake up.Clyde knew that soon enough he was going to have to commit suicide because he did not want to die in his sleep and have his cousin find out the hard way when he was trying to wake him,he would have to do it either today or the next and if he had to he would tell his cousin and walk awy from Andrew.Clyde had never realized how beautiful the surroundings where around him,he was not old enough to die yet he had not seen enough of what was meant for him to see.Someone fucked up and let those fuckers escape from where ever the hell they where from and they got out of control and started to breed and get huge in numbers,Clyde thought to himself that Bemidji was probally empty except for the remains of people that commited suicide and the old buildings.Clyde loved Bemidji and did not want to believe what had happened till they got in through the backdoor making a surprise attack and almost killing him,if Andrew had not come back when he did he would have been dead and Andrew would have walked into the house and found his cousin lying in a pool of his own blood,bloods he thought to himself what a f*****g joke before any of this had happened he and Andrew had run up on a couple of them b*****s and emptyed at least two rounds of slugs in them b*****s and boy did they drop.Andrew pulled up in a deserted area and made up two tents and fire,he had helped me from the car next he put me on a stump near the fire then Andrew got something made and ate a lil and gave me some though i was very weak and we talked of the times when we where kids and how we had the dream of becoming famous a*s rappers(well bascially they did,they became very famous in Bemidji and even did five tours and concerts before they where booted out of there contract because i got really high and spazzed out on our third member)and getting out of Bemidji and making a name for ourselves.Andrew brought up the subject that he might die soon,i got realy quiet and crawled to the side of the trees and threw up what ever Andrew had made for me when i finally got back i almost told of what i was going to do but for some reason i coulden't.Andrew put out the fire and got me into my tent what he did not know was that i had my silenced pistol in the back of my belt and if i could not pull myself to shoot i would pop at least a half a dozen pills in my mouth and wait for death as i listened to the trees and nature talking in there own way for the last time.I laid there for at least two hours just thinking about my life.I put the pistol in my mouth with tears streaming down my eyes and just as i pulled the trigger i realized i was going to face the nightmares for the rest of my life.