Chapter Twenty Four

Mackenzie’s POV

            “Mama! Mommy! Estoy despierta!” A body rolls into my back and Adrianna wraps her right arm around my waist and pulls me into her front. She nuzzles her face into my hair and exhales deeply, her steady breath warming my neck. She’s always been a heavy sleeper; when she does hear the kids wake up, she usually rolls over and falls back to sleep.

            “Mommy! Por favor! I know you can hear me!” A smile spreads across my face at the four year old’s words and I know she’s not going back to sleep, so I start to get out of bed.

            “No.” Ade whines half-asleep and attempts to pull me back down into bed. “Come. Warmth.”

            I turn towards her and kiss her pouty lips, her eyes still closed. She’s going to fall back asleep in a couple minutes anyway. “I’m going to go get her before she wakes the twins. It’s still early, bubbles, go to sleep.”

            “Bueno. Te amo.” I get out of bed and pull the blanket up to cover her bare chest. Thankfully, Autumn decided to follow the rules today and not come running in our room or else we would have had to explain some things. I pull out a tank top and underwear and throw them on the bed next to her.

            “Babe, put these on before you fall back asleep, please.” You’d think she’s drunk, but really when Ade’s half asleep, she might as well be. I laugh and help her get dressed before laying her back down and tucking her back in.

            I turn off the twins’ intercom and talk into Autumn’s. “Baby girl, I’m awake, but you need to stop yelling before you wake your brother and sister. Why don’t you use the bathroom and then meet me in the kitchen.”

            “Okay, mommy!”

            I quickly throw on a tank top and some shorts before heading to the kitchen to be jumped on by an excited little girl.

            “Today’s our date! I’m so excited!”

            “It is our date and I’m glad that you stayed in bed until you were told you could get up. Good listening.” I kiss her on the top of the head and sit her down in an island stool. “It’s still super early. Why don’t we make breakfast for everyone before the twins wake up?”

            “Just me and you?” Her brown eyes sparkle with excitement. I have a fleeting moment of guilt, because Autumn loves being a big sister, but sometimes she doesn’t get to do things she wants, because of the twins. That’s why I’m glad we decided on these Mommies and Me dates.

            “Just you and me.” I boop her nose and she scrunches it adorably. “What do you want to make?”

            “Umm.. how ‘bout.. pancake pops!”

            “We haven’t had those in a while, huh? Let me see if we have enough sticks.” I rummage through the pantry and find a whole bag of sucker sticks. I pull that out along with the ingredients to make pancakes and place everything on the island.

            “What do we need to do first?”

            “Wash our hands!”

            “Bueno!” I say along with signing ‘good girl’ to her while she hops off the stool and runs to the sink. She opens the cabinet underneath the sink and pulls out the step stool. She has gotten so big and mature over this last summer and I can’t believe she’ll be starting kindergarten next week. I feel like she just came into my life and she’s already four!

            “Don’t forget your hands, mommy!” I quickly wash my hands and lift her back into the taller stool. “Can I pour?”

            “Of course!” After all our ingredients are measured and poured into the large bowl, I decide something is missing. “Baby, what else should we add?”

            “Chocolate chips!”

            “Oh boy! Your abuelos are going to have so much fun with the twins later.” I laugh and retrieve the chips from the fridge. I place them on the island and turn to heat up the griddle. When I turn back around, there’s an empty bag and a whole pile of chocolate on top of our batter.

            “All the chocolate!” The girl says with a huge smile on her face as she starts attempting to stir the now thick batter.

            “Okay, why don’t I take it from here. You go make sure your night light is off and the twins’ door is closed while I get these started. Please be quiet though, we don’t want to wake anyone up until breakfast is all ready.”

            I’m finished with about ten little pancakes and have some bacon started when Autumn runs back into the kitchen, climbing up on the stool.

            “Careful, Autumn.”

            “I am!” She tells me exasperatingly. “Can I make the pops now?”

            “Yes, you can start.” I put the finished pancakes in front of her and open the bag of sucker sticks and watch her gently push the sticks into the side of the pancakes. I take a picture to post later and the two of us finish up breakfast in silence.

            Autumn is our child that is very content in quiet moments. Whenever the twins get too noisy or a family event gets too crazy, she’ll be the one to find a little area off by herself. We’ve found her under tables and beds before; sometimes just sitting quietly, sometimes fallen asleep.

            “Everything set?” I question as she places the fruit bowl carefully on the kitchen table.

            “Yup! Can I go wake up mama?”

             “Yes, you may. I’ll wake up Conner and Anya.”

            When I open the door to the twins’ room, it doesn’t surprise me to see Conner quietly playing with his toys. The boy has always been the calm one out of the two of them.

            “Hey, baby boy.” I greet him with a kiss on the top of his moppy, blonde hair.

            “I am not a baby anymore, mommy. I am a big boy. I am three!”

            “You’re always going to be mine and mama’s baby boy. No matter what! Now, breakfast is ready. I need you go to the bathroom and then go to the table.”

            He runs out of the room without another word and I’m left to wake the drama queen. Anya’s definitely developed Adrianna’s love of sleeping in. “Hey bug, it’s time to get up. We’re going to see your abuelos today!”

            It takes another five minutes for me to get the little blonde out of bed and in the bathroom and another five minutes to get her to go to the bathroom and change her pull up, but finally the five of us are all sitting at the table for breakfast. A family tradition that we took from both the Guerrilla’s and the Rivera’s. The Jackson’s kitchen table was just for show and where Sophie ate while she was working.

            “Okay, so after breakfast, we’re all going to get dressed and then we’re going to drop off Conner and Anya, then we’ll go on our date.”

            “When’s my date, mama?”

            “Today is Tuesday and Autumn’s date. Then tomorrow is Conner’s date and yours is the next day. So, on Thursday.”

            “Why am I last?” Anya starts to whine, but Adrianna is quick to stop her.

            “Anya, if you whine then you will go into time out. This is your warning.” The little girl quiets, but her bottom lip remains out.

            “Anya, we’re going in birth order.” I calmly inform the pouting blonde.

            “Conner and I are twins though so because we were born together.”

            “Yes, but Conner was still born a couple minutes before you. Next time we’ll switch the order, deal?”

            “Okay.”

AGMJAGMJAGMJ

            “Mommy, look! There’s ducks!” The little girl doubles back to grab my hand and pulls me faster towards the pond. Adrianna laughs and eventually catches up to us. “Can I take a picture of them?”

            Autumn’s smile hasn’t left her face since we left the house to drop the twins off with Ade’s parents. We are letting all the kids pick what they want to do on their dates and Autumn picked pictures in the park. We got her an instant camera that she can take her own pictures with and then Adrianna brought her camera to take some pictures of Autumn.

            “Of course! You can take any pictures you want.”

            “Oh thank you! I love it!” The little girl runs off towards the ducks, but they fly into the water. All except one. A smaller, male duck remains in the grass. Autumn sees the bird and rushes towards it, but I’m quick to catch her.

            “Careful, don’t get too close, baby girl. Let’s go together.” She silently nods her head, sparkling eyes never leaving the duck’s view. I crouch down to wrap my arm around her shoulders and we tip toe towards the duck. I can hear the click of Adrianna’s camera go off a couple times before she speaks up.

            “Kenz, don’t you think that’s close enough?”

            “It’s okay, bubbles, a couple more steps.” Sure enough, the duck doesn’t move when Autumn and I stop about three feet away from it. “’Go ahead, take your picture.”

            The little girl clicks her camera before smiling up at me. “Thanks, mommy! I wanna go take pictures of the ducks in the water!”

            “Autumn, baby, please don’t go too close.” I can tell Ade is on edge, so I show Autumn as close as she can get to the pond before walking over and wrapping my arms around Ade’s waist; both of us watching the little girl from about five feet behind her.

            “What’s up, baby?” I kiss her tanned shoulder while she puts her camera down and wraps her right arm around me. “Why are you so tense?”

            “I’m not tense.”

            “Ade, you’re all jumpy and extra cautious. That’s usually my territory and you’re the one pushing limits with the kids.” I laugh, but just receive a shrug in response. “Tell me, Ade, please.”

            “I-I’m scared of ducks.” She whispers and I whip my head around.

            “What?”

            “I don’t like ducks or ponds or all this nature stuff. It’s always been your thing.”

            “But… but you always took me to feed the ducks when we were younger and we still take the kids.”

            “Yea, but the ducks are never that close and you always look so happy when we’re here, so I suck it up, but you and Autumn just got a little too close for comfort right now. It reminded me of that time when that mama duck came after us and bit you in the leg when we were younger. That pretty much sealed my dislike for them and seeing you and Autumn walk up to that one just now scared me.”

            “Baby, I wish you would have told me. You don’t have to come anymore.”

            “No!” She rushes out and squeezes me closer. “Being here makes you so happy and you get this cute smile on your face and it reminds me of when we first met. When you were so carefree and didn’t have to worry about anything. I love it.”

            “Babe, I was on anxiety medication. I wouldn’t say I was carefree back then.”

            “Yea, that’s true, but I’ve always admired your view of the world. It doesn’t matter what’s happened in your past, you always look at everyone and everything like it’s perfect and you treat it that way.”

            I lean up and place a soft kiss to her lips, knowing that Autumn is right next to us and we’re in a public place. “I love you.”

            “Te amo.”

            “Mama! Mommy! Look!” We look over to the little brunette and see she’s pointing at a little fence where puppies are for sale. “Can we go look at them? Please please please!” She pouts to me and starts pulling my arm, probably knowing that I’ll give in quicker than Adrianna.

            “Autumn June, we can look, but we are not buying one.” Ade tells her matter-of-factly. “Do you understand me?”

            “Claro, mama.” She briefly pouts, but recovers quickly and pulls the two of us over to the baby animals.

            “Oh, Ade, look they’re Great Danes!” I quickly run over to the pen and ask if I can pick one up. It’s a father and his two kids selling the puppies. When I get confirmation, I pick the fattest one up and cuddle him to my nose. “Awe! He’s so cute! Look, baby girl.” I kneel down so Autumn can pet the puppy, but she takes a picture of her first.

            “Mommy, can we please get a puppy?”

            “Autumn June, you know mama already said no puppies. It’s not nice to ask me when you know mama already gave you an answer.”

            “But it’s not fair!” She whines and stomps her little foot on the ground, crossing her arms, and scowling at me. Adrianna lets her camera rest around her neck and kneels down with us. “Today’s my date. You said that I got to pick what I want and I want a puppy.”

            Adrianna gently uncrosses Autumn’s arms and holds her hands in her own. She calmly explains to her. “Autumn, a puppy is a big responsibility. Responsibilities mean that they are things that you have to do every single day to take care of something. A puppy has a lot of responsibilities. We have to feed him and wash him and make sure he has a lot of exercise. We have to make sure he’s healthy and take him to the animal doctor. We have to train him to go to the bathroom outside, because he doesn’t know how to do all that yet. So we can’t get a puppy today. Understand?”

            Autumn doesn’t look away from her mama’s eyes, but gives a sad nod. “Can we have a puppy on a different day? Like Friday?”

            I bite my lip to hide my laugh and Adrianna smiles at her mini me. “Not on Friday, but maybe mommy and I can talk later about getting a puppy in the future.”

            She releases a long exhale, but continues to pet the puppy in my arms. “Okay.”

            “Excuse me, are you Adrianna and Mackenzie?” The little girl, probably around age eight, asks us.

            “We are. What’s your name?”

            “My name is Mandy. Our daddy likes you guys.” We both say ‘hello’ and Ade shakes the man’s hand thanking him for his support, but he laughs and politely shakes his head.

            “You both are very sweet. My name is Chase and these are my kids, Mandy and Bobby, but she’s actually referring to my husband, Jason. He’s at work right now.” I pout up at the man. “He’s going to be so bummed that we saw you. He’s a major fanboy.” He laughs.

            “Do you have your phone with you?” Adrianna asks and I know what she’s going to do. We often do this with our supporters. The man holds his phone out and Adrianna slides the camera open while I stand up, still holding the puppy. She starts to record and we both talk into the camera.

            “Hello, Jason! It’s Adrianna.”

            “And Mackenzie! We’re sorry we missed you, but…”

            “You have such a beautiful family…”

            “And cute puppies!” I yell and hold the chubby puppy closer to the camera. “We hope you have a wonderful day and thank you for supporting us!”

            “Bye!” We both say into the camera before blowing kisses and ending the video. Autumn is talking to Chase’s kids as we hand him back his phone. “Now, you can send that to him. Sorry we can’t buy a puppy today, but we’d be glad to give you an autograph to give to your husband.”

            “Really? That would be awesome!”

            Bobby comes up with his superhero coloring book and we sign a page of it that he picked out, already all colored. “This is all we have to write on, but I was going to give this picture to my daddy anyway.”

            “You are a very sweet boy, Bobby!” We just receive a small blush in return and he runs back over to his sister.

            “Autumn June, it’s not nice to take pictures of other people.” Adrianna tells Autumn who’s taking pictures of Mandy and Bobby.

            “Pero, mama! I want to remember them!”

            “It’s okay, Ms. Adrianna, she asked and we said it was okay.” Adrianna and I look to their father to be sure it is okay with him and he silently nods his head.

            “Okay, but it’s time to go, baby girl. Let’s go play on the playground and get some good pictures of you and then head to lunch.”

            “Alright! Hasta luego!” She waves at the kids and runs towards us. I place the puppy back, albeit not willingly, but I know we can’t just buy a puppy without talking it over first. As much as Autumn needed to hear about pet responsibilities, I know that I needed to hear it as well. That is something that makes Adrianna and I mesh. We balance each other. She’s the planner when it comes to long-term stuff. I’m more of a planner when it comes to day-to-day stuff, like schedules and such.

AGMJAGMJAGMJ

            “Mama?”

            “Yes, baby?” Adrianna asks as she’s cutting up Autumn’s chicken and pasta. Autumn wanted to go ‘somewhere quiet and saucecated.’ We asked her what she meant and quickly realized she wanted somewhere sophisticated.

            “What is school gonna be like?”

            “Well, it’ll be fun. You’ll sing songs and play games. You’ll meet new friends and learn new things.”

            “Why can’t you and mommy learn me new things?” A pout forms on her face and I want to just wrap her up and tell her that we will teach her everything, but I know that it’s not reality. She has to go to school.

            “It’s ‘teach’ you, baby, and school is important, because it helps you grow as a person. It teaches you things you’ll use later in life.”

            “But you and mommy and Conner and Anya won’t be with me. I’ll miss you.” She looks so tiny in the big chair at the table and it reminds me of Anya, always so small compared to things around her.

            Autumn’s usually so confident, so her pouting and nervousness about school coming up is definitely making me think. She’s always been our model; posing for cameras, coming up with new outfits to wear. She rarely ever lacks self-confidence. I’ll have to talk to Ade about it later tonight.

            “You’re only going to be in school for a couple hours and you’ll be back home for lunch, but I promise you we’ll all be at home missing you too.”

            “What if no one likes me?”

            “Baby, you are so sweet and funny and special. You’ll meet new friends and have so much fun.”

            “Did you meet mommy in school?”

            “We did.” I take Adrianna’s right hand in mine and we continue eating, enjoying the little girl’s conversation. “But we met when we were a lot older and in high school.”

            “Will I meet my girlfriend in school?” I can tell the question takes Adrianna by surprise by the way she chokes on her food and quickly reaches for her water, so I decide it’s my turn to take over the conversation.

            “Well, Autumn, you’ll meet girls and you’ll meet boys, that doesn’t necessarily mean that they’ll be your girlfriend or boyfriend. That relationship is for someone very special. Understand, baby girl?”

            “Okay.” The little girl shrugs and instantly eases the tone of the conversation. “Can I see the pictures you taked of me on the playground today, mama? I was a real good model, like Tía Nicka!”

            “You were! We’ll look at the pictures on my computer later, okay? Let’s finish our lunch so we can go get your brother and sister.”

            “Alright! I miss them.”

            “Awe!” Hearing that just melted my heart. I love when the kids say something sweet like this. It eases some of the worries I have.

            Sometimes I wonder if the kids will be upset that they aren’t all biological siblings and, like, get upset that we didn’t start our family together. If we have more kids and we decided to blend our eggs or get a donor or something and plan everything together, would the kids get upset that we didn’t and couldn’t do that with them? Autumn is my daughter. I would be heartbroken if she didn’t want me as her mommy anymore. Maybe I’m just overthinking all this.

            I break out of my thoughts when Adrianna wipes a tear from my cheek. I didn’t even realize I was crying. She looks at me confused, but I shake my head a little, silently telling her that I’ll tell her later.

            “Don’t cry, mommy! We will be with Conner and Anya in a little bit, then we can haves a family date at home!”

            “I think that’s a wonderful idea!”

            But by the time we pull into the driveway, we have three babies fast asleep.

Adrianna’s POV

            “Mijo, you still haven’t picked what you want to do today.” Running my fingers through his long locks, it reminds me that he should probably get a trim soon. Conner is laying on the couch watching the iPad, a rare luxury in our house, but I figured he could watch a little bit while Kenz dropped the girls off at Naya and Heather’s.

            “Umm..” He turns the device off and hands it to me, before going to stand on the couch.

            “Excuse me, little boy?” I pick him up off the couch and pull him into me.

            “Mama! I wanted to jump to you!” He whines and I hold him on my hip.

            “We don’t jump on or off of couches. Didn’t you just fall off the couch last week for jumping?”

            “Oh yea!” I suppress my laughter, because the twins have their mommy’s memory when it comes to hurtful or traumatic things, they tend to push them way deep down in their memories and continue their happy view on life. “Tan we go to the beach today?”

            “Por supuesto, my little swimmer, and we can get lunch at the food stands.”

            “Mama, the food stands are junt food.” He lets out an adorable giggle at his reminder and I can’t help, but melt into my eye roll.

            “You and your sisters eat candy don’t you? That’s junk food.”

            “Pero, you and mommy always bring lunch. Tan we just bring lunch?” His bright blue eyes are so wide with curiosity and with the light in our living room, the green flecks are more prominent.

            “Yes, baby boy, we can do that. Come help me make it before mommy gets home.”

            Twenty minutes later, our lunches are packed and I’m helping Conner into his swimsuit when Kenz returns home. “Baby?”

            “In the twins’ room, babe!” I call at the same time Conner responds with “In here, mommy!”

            Mackenzie lets out a laugh as she scoops him up and plants kisses all over his face until he’s pushing her off. “I’m sorry, Conner, I was calling for mama, but don’t you look so ‘bro’ in your swimsuit?”

            “I am a brother!” He says with an expression as if to say, ‘duh!’ We both laugh at his response before ushering him off to play while Kenz and I get ready.

            Luckily, our regular beach isn’t too packed considering it’s a weekday and we can focus completely on Conner once we make our way down to the water. The three of us hang out in the water for a while, before I get out and take some pictures of the two blondes. Conner quickly wants to play on his boogie board.

            The kids are all swimmers. We enrolled them in swim classes last year and they all took to it naturally. Conner definitely loves the water more than his sisters. He’ll be in the water for hours swimming or on his boogie board or just looking underwater with his googles. Often, the only time he throws a tantrum is when it’s time for us to go home from the beach.

            After about an hour on his board, him and Mackenzie come running up the beach.

            “Let’s put some more sunblock on you after you dry off and drink some water.” He nods his head and grabs a water bottle.

            “Tan I have water in my tuppy?” I share a confused glance with Mackenzie, but she shrugs her shoulders to say she doesn’t know. All the kids know how to drink from water bottles, we usually only use their sippy cups when they’re tired or sick.

            “Sure, but first can you do this?” Mackenzie tells him to make a hard ‘c’ sound, since Conner still hasn’t mastered that letter, which sucks when he introduces himself as ‘Tonner’ and gets upset when people then repeat it wrong. He repeats the sound several times, but when Mackenzie asks him to say ‘can,’ he uses a ‘t’ instead.

            “It’s okay, mijo, we’ll work on it.” I rub his back over the towel and continue to dry him off while he lays on the blanket drinking his water.

            For a fleeting moment, while staring down at the little blonde, I wonder what it would be like if I hadn’t of found Mackenzie in that Starbucks three years ago. What would it be like if we hadn’t met at all? I quickly shake those thoughts from my head though, because her and our kids have been the best things to happen in my life.

            I pull Conner into my lap and start massaging in more sunblock and he shimmies in my lap and leans back into me. I hug him close and start whispering in his ear, “I love you so much, you know that right?” He nods. “Qué pasa, mijo?”

            “Nada, mama. I like hanging out with you and mommy. You are good mommies.”

            “Well thank you! And we like hanging out with you, baby boy!” Mackenzie grabs his foot and shakes it a little to get a smile out of him.

            “Mommy?”

            “What’s up?”

            “Are you and mama married?”

            “Conner, you know mama and I are girlfriends.” Mackenzie and I have always been open about our relationship with the kids. Why lie? Lying causes unnecessary drama.

            “So, you are not married?”

            “Nope.” I shake my head.

            “Then why do you live together?” Kenz and I have a silent conversation not really seeing where this is coming from, because our families and us have never said anything about having to be married to live together.

            “We live together because we’re your moms and we love you and your sisters a lot. We’re a family and families live together. Just like Aunty Naya, Aunt Heather, and Noah live together.”

            “Are Aunty Naya and Aunt Heather married?” He turns and lays sideways in my lap, looking up at me and Kenz.

            “Yes, but they lived together before they were married. Conner, where is this coming from? Why are you asking, baby?”

            “The lady said you were bad mommies betause you were not married. She said you tan’t live together. She said that me and Anya and Autumn were bad kids.”

            I instinctively pick him up and cuddle him into me hearing these words and it breaks my heart that one of my kids overheard something like this. Mackenzie moves to the side of us and runs her fingers through his hair.

            “Who said this?”

            “The lady.”

            “Pero, dónde?”

            “The gym.”

            “Mackenzie, I told you we shouldn’t have switched the kids’ gyms! I told you we should have never left that other gym and you didn’t listen to me!” She quickly signs ‘stop’ and looks at me with a mixture of hurt and anger. I didn’t mean to snap at her, but I am upset over what I’m hearing and she’s calm as a freaking cucumber! How is she not mad?

            “Conner, that lady wasn’t very nice, but that’s what she believes. She was mean and said things that you shouldn’t have to hear, but mama and I are sorry that you heard them. Some people do not think that mommies should live together, but it doesn’t mean that us or you and your sisters are bad, okay? Mama and I love you so much and you are not a bad kid. Not at all.”

            “No, bud. You’re awesome! And mommy is right. We love you and your sisters to the moon and back and even more.”

            “Okay! I love you too!” He jumps up and wraps his arms around the two of us, accidently bumping our heads together in the sudden movement.

            “Autumn said we getting a puppy. Is that true?” His arms not leaving our necks, but he pulls back enough for us to see the excitement in his eyes. Mackenzie boops him on the nose before answering.

            “Mama and I haven’t talked about it yet.”

            “Well, if we tan’t get a puppy, tan we get a brother?”

            Where are all these questions coming from and why don’t I have the answers? I am usually always able to answer the kids’ questions, but since when are they asking about major life decisions?

            “Mama and I haven’t talked about that either. Would you want a brother?” I tune back into the conversation to hear Conner’s answer.

            “Yea, I don’t like being girl-trapped.”

            “Pero, mommy and I can’t choose if we would have a brother or sister, would you be upset if you got another sister?”

            “Ugh!” He shouts and jumps away from the two of us, scowl deeply set on his face. “I want a brother! Noah is boring and I…”

            “Okay.” She reaches out for his hand. “We’ll talk about it later. A lot of stuff has to be decided before we have a baby, so it wouldn’t happen anytime soon.” Mackenzie gently pulls him to sit back down in front of her. “Now, what did you and mama pack for lunch?”

            Conner jumps back up and pulls the basket through the sand and stops it in front of us. He pulls out three sandwiches and hands one to both Mackenzie and I and sets his down on the blanket across from us and repeats the process for apples, chips, and Gatorades.

            On the way home, Conner falls asleep and Mackenzie calls Naya to let her know that we’ll be there to pick the girls up soon. She’s barely even looked at me since my outburst earlier and only kept it civil, because Conner was there, but I know that I messed up. I broke an unspoken rule we decided on when the kids were all babies. When she hangs up the phone, I know that I need to apologize.

            “I’m sorry that I undermined you in front of him, Kenz.”

            “Not right now, Adrianna.” She looks out the window and I can tell she’s wiping a tear from her cheek.

            “Yes now. Por favor. We won’t have a chance for at least a couple hours and I can’t go through the day with you being upset with me over this. I know I messed up and I’m sorry!”

            “I know you don’t like hearing stuff like that, Adrianna, but there’s a time and a place. We were with our son!” Her voice raises, but she quickly catches herself before waking Conner up. “He looks up to you, Adrianna. He loves you so much and always wants to impress you. He knows the most Spanish out of the three kids, because of you. He follows you around like a puppy.

            “He doesn’t know about the things the woman said, because we taught him to accept people. Accept everyone. And you yelled at me in front of him that I did something wrong and that I didn’t listen to you. I don’t even care about the fact that we were in public, but the fact that you would say something like that right in front of one of our children really hurt.”

            “And I’m sorry, I just don’t know why you’re not bothered by what he heard.”

            “I am, Adrianna!”

            “Can you please stop full-naming me?”

            “No! Because I’m pissed at you right now. I am upset about what he heard, but I am not going to let him see that. I wanted to cry when I heard him call him and the girls bad kids. It broke my heart, but the bottom line is that there are people in the world that are not supportive of us or of our family and the kids need to understand that, but they also need to understand that they are loved and they are good no matter what some people try to say.”

            “You’re right and I’m sorry. It’s just.. when did our kids get so self-aware? When did all these major questions come into their heads?” I ask softly and the atmosphere in the car changes.

            “We’ve never hidden anything from them, Ade.” A small smile coming to my face when she drops the last three syllables from my name. “We never baby-talked them. Their word vocabulary and comprehension is amazing for their ages, minus Conner’s Cs, Anya’s ‘so because,’ and Autumn’s slips in and out of present and past tense. We treat them like we treat everyone else. We decided that would be best. It’s natural that they would be curious about things in the world.”

            I silently reach my hand out and Mackenzie holds it without hesitation. I know that she’s had to deal with a lot more negativity about us that I had to. My family was totally accepting of my sexuality. The Jacksons were horrible to her. Then she had to deal with Kyle. How is she still so strong and positive about everything?

            “I’m gonna go in and get the girls, you stay with Conner.” She says quietly before turning my head and connecting our lips in a soft kiss. “I love you.”

            “Te quiero muchísimo.” A blush comes to her cheeks like it did the first time I ever said that to her and it melts my heart that even though we’re not perfect, we still love each other so much. Nothing has broken us completely. We can work through and fix anything.. together.

            The five of us pull into the garage and surprisingly the girls are wide away while Conner is still asleep. I park the car and Autumn rushes out of her booster seat and pushes her way through Anya to get out of the car.

            “Ow! Puta! That hurt!” Anya grabs Autumn’s arm that was just pushing on her sister’s chest and guides it towards her open mouth with both hands.

            “Anya Janae!” I call out as her teeth connect with tanned flesh and Autumn cries out.

            “Mama! Anya bited me!”

            “Both of you march your butts into time out right now.” I tell them as I separate them and help them out of the car. “Autumn you know that you need to wait for your sister to get out of the car and you don’t push on her and Anya that is a bad word and you do not bite your sister.”

            In all the commotion, Conner wakes up as Mackenzie lifts him out of the car.

            “A brother would be much nicer.” He says before falling back asleep on his mommy’s shoulder.

Mackenzie’s POV

“C’mon! C’mon! C’mon! You are slowpokes!” Anya is between us, pulling us both forward towards the studio. She’s wearing a black leotard and leggings with a long pink tutu over them. Her hair up in a perfect bun. I still don’t know how Adrianna gets her hair to stay in a bun. I can barely get her thin hair to stay in their usual ponytails.

            “Honey, you’re going to hurt yourself if you rush. You could pull something or fall down. Calmaté, por favor.”

            “Okay, mama!” She says, but makes no effort to slow down. I glance at Adrianna and we silently agree to stop the little girl. I lightly squeeze her hand and we both stop in our tracks. “Ugh! Mommy! I wanna dance.” She whines and pouts up at me.

            “Bug, mama is right. You need to slow down. We know you’re excited, but you need to calm down, because there are still classes going on today with the older kids and they don’t need to be distracted.”

            “Mija, deep breaths.” I watch Adrianna put Anya’s hand on her heart and Adrianna puts her own on the little blonde’s chest. In the same way that Ade has calmed me down for years, she now uses to calm down the kids when they’re excited. Mostly Anya though. She’s definitely our excitable one.

            Anya’s deep breaths are so over the top that I have to cover my mouth to keep from showing the growing smile on my face. She throws her head back with the first couple breaths before Adrianna brings her other hand up to gently hold the back of her neck. After a few moments, it’s clear that Anya’s now contained to a dull roar of excitement.

            “Can we go inside now?” Anya leans close to Ade’s face and whispers through a huge smile; one that’s mirrored on her mama’s face as she nods her head. “Yay!” Anya exclaims, but quickly winces in fear of reprimand. “Sorry.” She again whispers and takes our hands again. This time we calmly make our way into the building.

            The three of us greet some of the teachers and make our way back to the private studio that we reserved for the next couple hours. Anya told us she wanted to dance for her date, so we talked to the studio where the kids have their lessons and they allowed us to use one of the empty studios for the day.

            “Anya we have to stretch first. Just like in ballet and tap, we’ll play music, but we have to warm up your muscles first.”

            “Right!” She quickly drops her bag to the floor, leaving it on the side of the room. “Mommy!” She runs up behind me, hugging my legs, while I place my phone on the dock. “Can you help me with my shoes?”

            “Why don’t you ask mama?”

            “Mama doesn’t know how.” She giggles and holds her tap shoes. I lead her back over to the bench and have her sit down to help her.

            “That’s because mama doesn’t want to hurt you, but I was in tap classes when I was younger, so I know the tricks to getting these tiny laces tied tight.” I wink at Adrianna, who still refuses to help get the kids’ tap shoes on. The short laces proving too difficult for her, so she usually dresses them for classes and when I drop them off, I’ll get their shoes on.

            “Did Sophie teach you how to tie them?”

            “No.” I shake my head while looping the laces. “I saw my teacher doing it one day and I taught myself. Sophie never stayed for my classes. She just let me out of the car and would pick me back up when I was done.”

            I finish Anya’s shoelaces and the little girl sits there swinging her legs while taking a drink from her water bottle. Adrianna comes up to me and wraps her arms around my waist. I wrap mine around her neck and pull her in for a kiss.

            “I didn’t know that she wouldn’t stay for your classes.” She frowns and a worry line forms between her eyebrows. I gently brush it with my thumb while looking into her eyes.

            “It’s not something I really advertised or complained about, because I loved dancing. It gave me a chance to get out of the house. Away from everyone. My parents, Tyler and Quinn, even the Riveras. It was the place where I was pushed to be better. I wasn’t horrible, like at my house, and I wasn’t babied, like the Riveras. I was just like everyone else and if I wanted to compete and participate in recitals, then I had to work for it.”

            She leans down again for another kiss, but before she can connect a hand is pushing against my legs. We pull apart and look down to see a scowling little girl staring up at us.

            “Kiss. La. Ter. I wanna dance!” I laugh and get my old tap shoes on. They’re a little tight from my feet flattening while I was pregnant, but they’ll do for the day. Adrianna is not a tap dancer, more of a freestyler, so she’s going to teach Anya a little bit after she gets some pictures.

            “Alright. Let’s stretch!” I press play on my phone and the room fills with upbeat music, but not too loud that we can’t hear each other talk.

            “So, bug, which do you like more ballet or tap class?”

            “Umm…” She gives it serious thought as she reaches for her toes to stretch her thighs and back. “I like both! I want to do other classes though.”

            “Qué clases?” Adrianna joins us on the floor with her camera around her neck.

            “Quiero to take…” I laugh at her short use of Spanish. Anya is quite opposite her siblings in the fact that she will rarely use Spanish. She’ll sign all day and talk your ear off, but she won’t speak Spanish. She understands it fluently, but rarely uses it unless she’s upset. Another personality trait she picked up from Adrianna. “Acro and musical theatre.”

            “That’s a lot, baby.” Adrianna looks skeptical, but I give her a nod to tell her that we can discuss it later.

            “Those are fun classes! You’re still too little for musical theatre right now, but maybe mama and I can see about getting you into tumbling.”

            “No, not tumbling. It’s acro!”

            “I know, baby, tumbling is just a boring word for it.”

            The three of us get up and Anya shows me some of the steps that they’ve been learning in class. I show her a couple tricks to help her stance and posture while in her tap shoes and go over some safety rules again when she steps on Adrianna’s foot.

            “Ow! Mother fu-.”

            “Adrianna!” I yell over the music to stop her from slipping. She’s breathing heavily through her gritted teeth. Anya looks like she’s about to cry and I can see the unshed tears in my girlfriend’s eyes as well. I know the feeling.

            “We have to get your shoes and socks off.” I lead her over to the bench. I can tell she’s trying not to put her weight on me. When she sits down, I kneel down to tend to her foot.

            “It’s fine, Kenz. Go dance.” She shoos me away from her foot and almost knocks me over in the process. In the sudden movement, I lose my balance and fall back onto my hands.

            “Ade,” I start gently. “A girl broke my foot when I was five from stepping on it with tap shoes. We have to che-.”

            “I said I’m fine, Mackenzie!” Her harsh words and the use of my full name shock me enough to stand up and walk away from her towards Anya.

            “Hey, baby bug, mama will be okay. Just needs some rest, but you need to remember that we don’t run or jump in our tap shoes. We only do our routine and we stay very calm and safe when we’re waiting for directions.” She nods her head and a couple tears fall down her cheeks.

            I kiss her tears away and distract her back into her routine for the upcoming recital in a couple weeks. She’s definitely the performer out of the group. When she’s in the routine and in the moment, you can see the world melt away and she just has the biggest smile on her face watching herself in the mirrors.

            After a while, I stop the routine and watch the little blonde do her own steps watching her footwork in the mirror. Adrianna sits next to me, kissing my temple as a peace offering. I look in her eyes for any sign of pain, then down at her foot, and she rotates it around a couple times.

            “I’m sorry, choochie.” She whispers. “It hurts a little, but nothing major. Promise.” I see the truth in her eyes and accept it. It still hurts that she pushed me away though. Why doesn’t she ever let me take care of her when she’s hurt?

            I simply nod in response, wanting to talk about this later and enjoy the rest of our date with Anya. Adrianna gets back up and switches Anya’s shoes, making sure that she drinks water while she takes her tutu off and gets her high tops on. I grab Adrianna’s camera and get a lot of amazing shots of the two of them.

            You can tell Adrianna loves teaching our kids. She’s always wanting to show the kids something new and they all listen to her like she’s giving them the secret to life. It’s amazing to see and I wonder what things could she teach a new little baby?

            When everyone is done, we sit on the floor with our grapes and water bottles. Anya sits in Adrianna’s lap and pops grapes into her mouth one by one.

            “Mama?” She looks up towards Ade. “You’re really pretty.”

            “Thank you, bug! You’re beautiful, too.”

            “No, I not.” She puts her chin to her chest and it breaks my heart. Adrianna hugs her into her chest.

            “Of course you are. You are pretty just like mommy.”

            “But I wanna be pretty like you and Autumn!”

            “Bug, we’ve talked about this before. You look like mommy, because you and Conner came from her tummy. Autumn came from my tummy.”

            “But I wanna look like you!” Tears start to roll down Anya’s cheeks and I move closer to be able to rub her back. “You’re pretty and I’m not. I too small.”

            “You’re not too small. You’re just Anya sized.” I boop her nose which brings a small sparkle back into her eyes. “Now, I am really sorry that you feel that way, but you are so pretty right now and you will continue to grow up to be beautiful. I just know it!”

            “Okay, mommy, but why… why can we all not look like bolth of you? You’re mommies. Babies s’pposed to look like mommies.” Her speech regressing the more she talks.

            “Awe, baby. I wish so much that you and Conner could look like me and that Autumn could look like mommy, but that doesn’t mean that we love you any less. Do you love me less because you don’t look like me?” Anya shakes her head. “See? Just because I held Autumn in my tummy, doesn’t mean I love her more. Mommies hold all their babies in their hearts as soon as they’re born.

            When you and Conner were born, you both had places in my heart, because I knew already that I loved you both so much and that I would do anything to protect you two and mommy. I think I’ve done okay, what do you think?”

            “Yea. You a good mama.”

            “Oh thank you! Do you feel a little better?”

            “Yea.” She gives us both a big hug and I stand up to grab my phone off the dock, so we can leave. “I just really don’t wanna look like mommy.” Anya whispers to Ade. I turn back around with a smile on my face, pretending I didn’t hear, because I can tell Adrianna is talking to her about it.

            This is Anya’s day though, so I’m determined to make the most of it for her. Next is lunch at the local pizzeria, I guess I can get a salad though. Then we’re going to pick up Autumn and Conner from my parents. Maybe when they go down for a nap, I can go for a run. I haven’t be able to go running for a couple months now and I could feel how out of shape I was when Anya and I were dancing.

            “Bubbles?” I come out of my thoughts and see Adrianna has Anya’s dance bag and the little blonde, my mini me, slowly walking towards me. She falls into my legs and wraps her little arms around my thighs.

            “I love you, mommy.”

            “I love you too, bug. Let’s go get some pizza!” I lift her up and she exclaims her excitement, seemingly over her small identity crisis from a couple minutes ago.

            If only I could be so lucky…

Author's Note

Honestly, I'm in such a slump with this story and I haven't been able to write in it for about two years, but it's a goal of mine to finish, because it's the first thing I've ever written. Any constructive reviews could help or anything that would be cool to write about in future chapters. Thanks!