Chapter 8:Double Vision

I crawled into Ashley's bed - well, technically it was my bed now - and pulled the covers up to my chin, staring at the hot pink ceiling. My teeth were chattering, but it wasn't from the cold.I honestly didn't know how to feel about all of this. One side of me was thinking happy thoughts, while the other was screaming at my self for doing something so crazy. So heartless. So unhumane.
Killing my own twin sister?
I deserved to be in jail for the rest of my life.
I closed my eyes, trying as hard as I could to fall asleep, but I just couldn't do it. The guilt was too much to bear. It wasn't the same as the guilt I'd felt doing other bad things to Ashley. Sure, I'd felt terrible when I did mean thing so her, but none of them felt this bad. Ashley was dead, and it was all my fault. I'd killed her. I deserved much more than jail.
And, anyways, all those other times, I'd figured out a way to make the guilt go away.
I'd owned up to it.
But now owning up to it wasn't an option. If I owned up to it, I'd be in jail. It wouldn't make things any better. Ashley would still be dead, and I'd be locked up for life.

After waking up - or, not really waking up, considering I didn't even get a second of sleep - I groggily tossed myself out of bed and walked over to the mirror. I pulled my hair out of the ponytail it was in and watched as it restored to its usual frizziness. I shook my head, knowing I couldn't leave this room with frizzy hair.
Ashley didn't have frizzy hair. I was Ashley now. Cassandra was as good as dead.
When I was done straightening my hair, I looked in the mirror, trying to remember every perfect little feature Ashley had. I had to make sure no one could tell that I wasn't Ashley. I had to make sure no one could tell that I was Cassandra.
When I was ready, I slowly walked out of Ashley's room and sat down at the kitchen table.
"Hi, honey," my Mom said, "are pancakes okay?"
"Sure."
When the pancakes were done, Mom turned and handed me my plate. I looked up at her face - she looked like she'd gotten a good night's sleep. How can you get a good night's sleep when your daughter's missing, and possibly dead? I felt, once again, like I was invisible to my family. Did they really hate me that much that they wouldn't care if I was dead?
"Aw, Ash," she said when my eyes started to water. "Don't be scared."
I wanted to scream at her, but I had to keep my act up. I had to be Ashley. "Mommy, I'm just worried we'll never find her. Shouldn't we go out and look?"
"Ashley, the police are searching for her. What else can we do?"
I frowned. I'm sure that if this was Ashley we were talking about, she'd be sending out all of the help she could find - helicopters, submarines, army tanks. But she wasn't searching for Ashley, she was searching for Cassandra. Why would she go to the extra effort for Cassandra?
Feeling relieved that it was Saturday, I decided I'd text Ashley's - well, I guess, my - best friend, Tara Reese. Maybe I could trick her into telling me a little bit more about Ashley, so I knew just what role I was playing.
'Hey wanna come over?'
It only took a few seconds for her to answer. 'ok ill be right there.'
I took a deep breath, trying to stay in character and not show just how nervous I really was. "Mommy, Tara's coming over," I said.
"Okay, honey."
Cassandra would never have gotten away with inviting a friend over without asking, would she?
Well, it didn't matter if she would. Cassandra was gone now. Dead. Done for. I was Ashley now, and I was going to play the role right.