8: Mercy

The tightening in my chest worsened, and I leaned on the window of the car hoping that I would be able to breathe normally. I closed my eyes, feeling the movement of the car. The driver did what I told her, she was driving fast. In a couple of minutes we already reached the end of Brede, our city, and we've entered the city of Juvynile.

I tried to shove the stressing thoughts away from my head, running my fingers through my hair for a couple of times as I bit my bottom lip hard. I hoped it could at least distract me. But it didn't. The noises I heard on the other end of the line, they just kept on repeating in my head. The screeches-- I lightly bumped my head on the window. Stop it.

The radio was turned on, good thing the volume and the heavy rain drops on the car were loud enough she wouldn't even hear me trying to block the sobs from coming out, and bumping my head on the window that was blurred by the number of rain drops trailing down it and moist. A song from OneRepublic started playing on the radio. I just listened to it, maybe it could make me calm down even just for a bit.

But then, when I understood each word that I heard, it was actually a sad song that would obviously not be much of a help for me.

All I wanted to say,
all I wanted to do
is falling apart now.

All I wanted to feel, 
I wanted to love 
is all my fault now.

A tragedy I fear...

That line, made a sob escape my mouth without me even realizing it. Well, "a tragedy I fear" fits my situation. Because this situation is something that I really, really feared to happen again. I just hope, it wouldn't end up the way it happened last time. I didn't want that feeling I had when I knew my gramma died because of me get into me again.

The lyrics might not be too relatable to me, but that line had struck me from the inside.

Angel of mercy, 
how did you find me? 
How did you pick me up again?

Angel of mercy, 
how did you move me? 
Why am I on my feet again?

The song just played and I tried my best to ignore it. If I would listen to it, more tears might fall from my eyes.

And then my head turned to my left. I wiped the moist of the window with my palm, and gazed outside. I realized, the weather here was even worse than in Brede. We passed by many cars, the taxi was running fast. Some buildings, and trees, we passed by hundreds of them. For all I know, Juvenyl is a smaller city compared to ours. But if you add the whole area that the forest had covered up, I think Juvenyl city would be three times the area of Brede. The song suddenly went louder, and I snapped my head to the woman sitting in the driver's seat who had just removed her hand from the small wheel that adjusts the volume.

The volume was very loud. I could even feel the beating on my seat. Of course, I also didn't have a choice, I can't just tell my ears to don't listen to the song.

Before just the daylight, 
Come and I stand by,
Waiting to catch the quickest plane,

Fly me to nowhere,
It's better than somewhere,
That's where I've been and nothing has changed...

I heard this song before. Obviously, It was for the people who suffered deeply in pain from the past. And then the chorus came by again. I understood every single line of it.

Angel of mercy, 
how did you find me? 
How am I on my feet again?

Angel of mercy, 
how did you move me? 
Why am I on my feet again?

Then something hit me. For the damn hundredth time, tears started welling up in my eyes. Without even realizing it, I started biting my nails.

If ever I... was left behind, will I ever be able to stand up on my own feet again? Will I be worse than the way I already am? Am I just going to be alone crying all the time again? Am I going to blame myself for everything again? Will mercy just leave me all alone and never come back again? I just don't want it to repeat for the second time.

So much, so much questions were filling up my mind that I bumped my head on the window just like before as I closed my eyes to release the tears that welled up in the corners of my eyes. I just rested against it that my tears were already dried for seconds, minutes, maybe for an hour? No, I just can't muster the time I was spending in this taxi because all I kept thinking about was what will happen next, what will I see, and if I would be able to stand it.

"Mreoww!" I heard a small growl from the right, and it made me snap my eyes open. The first thing I saw was my cat. Chase was all tensed up, glaring and growling straight at the driver, he was even positioned like he was going to slaughter up the lady for the next five seconds. Then I realized what suddenly made him like this.

The loud static noise that could almost make your eardrums bleed coming from the radio. There was no signal.

Then the car suddenly came to a halt in the middle of the highway, making me jerk forward forcefully that I wanted to thank my forearm for saving my head from bumping hard in the leather seat of the taxi. While Chase, he kept hissing and giving the driver a threatening glare with his pointy teeth shown after he flew forwards, bumped in the passenger's seat, and landed on the car mat sidewards.

My eyes searched for the rear view mirror, and at the same time the lady driver looked at me through the mirror after she turned the radio off with so much concern and shock in her eyes. "You okay? I'm so sorry! I thought I saw a man crossing and I almost hit him, but I think it was just my imagination," she apologized quickly that I almost thought she just rapped, then she twisted to the right to look over at me. "Are you okay?"

I wanted to answer her with words, but I just don't have the strength to speak. I only nodded at her and did my best to give her an assuring smile. "Have you been crying?" The lady suddenly asked with furrowed eyebrows. She looked like my teacher in economics with that slightly chubby body of hers.

I immediately gave her a "no" and quietly shifted to the darker side of the car as she turned her gaze to Chase who still has his back arched up, hissing and showing his pointy teeth to the woman, now with his claws. "Hey, your cat." The driver mumbled, obviously scared of the expression Chase was giving her.

Knowing she wouldn't drive the car without complete comfort, I grabbed Chase from behind and placed him on my lap, I then told the driver to just start driving and she did. Chase protested with a few meows, maybe he really wanted to have revenge, but when his eyes landed on me, he looked like he realized something, then he just went still and politely sat on my lap. I pressed my lips in a tight line as I started caressing his head down to his back for a couple of times. At least it distracted me from thinking about those.

When Chase showed some signs that he already had enough of my strokes, I removed my hand off him as he got on all fours and spun around on my lap. Then when he was already facing me, he sat again, tail slowly swinging to left and to the right with curls, his violet eyes gazing into mine.

That was when it happened again.

His into mine and mine into his.

What happened next?

Everything was black.