CHAPTER 12: THE WORDS LEFT UNSAID

Alynna and Cullan's marriage turns into a nightmare. Cullan chooses to distance himself from his wife, hurting her far more than Isidore's manipulations.

Chapter 12: The Words Left Unsaid

 

Their marriage is turning into a nightmare.

Alynna was sure that she had caused the drastic change in Cullan’s attitude. He never left her roses in the morning again. He never ate any of the food she cooks, as he began dining outside alone. He always slept in the guest room, as he was only going inside their room to get clothes. He only talks to her once a day, and that is in the morning when he says, “Don’t wait up for me.”

Alynna was so regretful that she brought up Bella’s problem to Cullan, because she realized, a little too late, that she was asking her husband to play the role of a ‘cure’ for Bella’s depression.

She had asked him to allow himself to be used, something that even she cannot accept from someone she trusted and loved.

Alynna tried to reach out and apologize, but all she said fell on deaf ears. Cullan just won’t open himself up to her, and she had no one to blame but herself.

She put too much pride on his love for her and then took him for granted.

And now she got what she deserved.

Alynna was always tempted to cry and let her feelings out whenever she talks to Sisters Marian and Theresa and to her Uncle, but she vowed to protect their marriage as long as she can. She can never let anyone know that her husband had cast her off. To think that she even let go of her lifelong dream of being a nun so she can spend the rest of her life with him, and now, she ruined everything.

Alynna was ashamed to let her family in Rome know that it was her fault their marriage is failing.

Alynna was crying as she cut up nice turkey chunks for her Turkey Noodle Casserole. Her tears blur her vision that she accidentally wounded her finger with the knife. Alynna continued crying while wiping the blood off with a tissue. She was not expecting Cullan to eat her casserole, but she will do her best to make it taste great, just in case her husband decides to go home early to dine with her.

Just in case.

Those few words wounded her heart more than the knife did to her finger.

*

 

Cullan was having trouble understanding the charts and figures that the managers had prepared for him to review. The merging of Rothschild International Corporation and Hall Enterprise went smoothly, and now, he was working on extending the Rothschild’s influence to the Hall’s original business partners. Their aim is not only to get their support, but also their loyalty.

This would have been easy, if only Cullan can stop thinking of his wife at home.

Cullan was not getting enough sleep without Alynna beside him, and as much as he did not want to admit it, he knew that he is missing her so much his heart ache. He never saw her smile anymore, and it was killing him. Alynna lost the sparkle in her eyes, and had it replaced with sadness.

Alynna’s face always had the look of mourning, and he wasn’t even dead yet.

Cullan also missed his wife’s cooking. All the food prepared in the best restaurants where he dines in do not match Alynna’s slow cooked specials. Even the highly praised specialties of the restaurants tasted bland for him.

“Get her off your mind.” Cullan said, not even knowing that he blurted it out loudly.

“Sir, Miss Hall is here to see you.” His secretary said on the phone, bringing him back to his senses. Cullan was surprised. Alynna never went to his office.

Maybe she will apologize? Cullan hoped.

“Let her in.”

The door opened and Cullan was dismayed to see that it was Bella Hall. He closed the folders in front of him, annoyed that this anorexic has to barge in when he was thinking of the other Hall he loves so dearly.

“What do you want?” Cullan asked smugly, letting the woman know that she is not welcome. He noticed that something changed with Bella; she lost the air of superiority, as if she was suffering from something no one can stop. Her face is marred with eye bags, and her eyes are red due to too much crying.

He wished he could look at her with pity, but he never had much of the compassionate and forgiving nature that his wife is overflowing with.

“Hello Cullan. I want to ask you out. I would not have gone here if you came to our house a few days earlier. My mother said you would come, but you didn’t.” Bella said as she took a chair she wasn’t offered. Cullan looked at the model as if she lost her mind. What is she talking about?

“I was heartbroken when you left the masquerade ball. You should know that coming after you is not easy for me. I wouldn’t have chase a man if I don’t love him that much. Pity that we haven’t met before. I would have married you, and my parents would never have to call Alynna back from nowhere. Her return has ruined my life.” Bella continued. Cullan’s anger was rising.

“Alynna’s return saved you and your family from bankruptcy. You should be thankful enough, for her life was ruined for you.” Cullan answered. Bella’s perfectly plucked eyebrows rose.

“Is that what she told you? She ruined my life, because she cannot even help me as a perfect elder sister would. If she had just signed the divorce papers and left US for good, we could start a relationship anew-”

“What divorce papers?”

“Huh?”

“What divorce papers?!” Cullan asked angrily, standing up and towering over Bella. He was itching to shake sense out of her, but he waited for her answer.

“My mother…sent her the divorce papers a couple of days ago…and we still haven’t heard from her. She was supposed to sign it and leave the country, but she never returned any of our calls. My mother will be paying her a visit today, and-”

Cullan gathered his coat and went for the door abruptly. He was playing the role of an angry, hard-to-get husband when his wife was just a signature away from leaving him for good. Of course, the divorce papers need his sign to make it final, but just the thought of her signing it makes him murderous. Her signature would have meant that she want to get out of their marriage for real.

If Alynna wanted to destroy his life and break his heart, all she has to do is to sign those damn papers.

“Cullan, where are you going? We were supposed to have a date-”

“Go home, Bella. You’re a mess.” Cullan said as he closed his office door, leaving an open mouthed model and a puzzled secretary behind him.

*

 

“I thought we have talked about this, darling.” Isidore sweetly asked, though a vein in her temple is showing. She even rushed the family attorney to prepare the divorce papers for her stepdaughter’s marriage, only to waste days of waiting for a signature that Alynna was not about to give.

“You have left so fast the last time we talked, mother. I was going to refuse, but we had a little…we had something going on here in the house that is why I failed to call you. I am so sorry.” Alynna answered in a low voice. Isidore cannot play the good stepmother anymore. She stood up and spilled the lemonade over Alynna’s head. Alynna also stood up in surprise.

“You ungrateful - I thought you understood that this is all for your sister! How can you do this to her? If anything happens to Bella, I will never forgive you!” Isidore screamed as she slapped Alynna so hard that her stepdaughter was thrown to the floor. Alynna slowly stood up.

“I care for Bella, mother. And because of that, I will not help her the way you wanted me to. If you care enough for her, you should teach her to love herself enough first before asking others to do the same to her.” Alynna said in a low but defiant voice. Isidore was fuming with anger.

“Don’t you dare teach me how to help my daughter! Why would I even listen to someone like you who grew up without a mother? What do you know about parenting when you even wanted to be a nun?” Isidore retorted, her voice on screaming notch. Alynna tried her best to remain calm.

“Please leave, mother.”

“What did you say?!” Isidore asked disbelievingly.

“I am asking you to leave now, mother.” Alynna repeated. She went for the door and opened it wide.

The two women were both stunned to see Cullan standing on the doorway.

“Cullan, dear…” Isidore began.

“I have to talk to my wife. Please leave.” Cullan said. Isidore gave him a look that would kill, but she said nothing as she angrily left. Cullan closed the door. Alynna moved away, but Cullan caught her arm and spun her in an embrace.

“Sweetheart…”

“Don’t call me that, Cullan.”

“Look at me.”

Alynna knew just how fast she loses her mind in his eyes, and if she is determined to have everything fixed, she must avoid his hypnotizing gaze and heavenly touch.

She pushed him away.

“I’m sorry, Alynna. I was…I was a jerk. I let anger rule over my head.” Cullan said as he held Alynna’s hand to his. Alynna cannot hold back her tears any longer.

“Don’t apologize, Cullan. It was my entire fault. All you did was take care of me, but I took you for granted. I should have never asked you to do such a thing. I’m sorry. I was so worried about Bella that I went to that lengths to help her, but I realized that giving what she wanted would not help her at all. She needs to stand up by herself and show everyone that she has a value. If everyone gives in to her whims, she will never know how to live without asking from others. She will never know how to earn the affection of other people just by being herself and not because she chased the man or the man was forced to be with her.” Alynna explained. Cullan smiled.

“What took you so long to realize that?” Cullan asked. Alynna pulled her hand from his.

“I...I just thought of other things.”

“What other things?” Cullan said, touching Alynna’s face so lovingly.

Alynna closed her eyes and when she opened them again, they were teary and filled with sadness, though her lips curved into a smile.

“The thing is…can you stay at home today? I just…I want to be with you.”

Cullan wanted to ask her more about what she was over thinking about, but the way she looked into his eyes, as if she was pleading for something, touched the softest part of his heart �" the part where she is, and always will be. Cullan pulled his wife in a tight hug, letting her know just how much she means to him. Alynna felt his unspoken feelings and hugged him tighter. Questions can wait �" but not his wife.

“Sure, sweetheart. Anything you say.” Cullan said.

*

 

“Why did you marry me?” Alynna asked as she and Cullan quietly cuddled in their bed. Tonight, Alynna did not want the monkey interview and insisted on asking personal questions. Cullan, who vowed to be accommodating to his wife, agreed.

“When we first met and when I learned of your story, I felt like I need to help you get out from your parents’ clasp, because that is what a man should do. At least, that was what my liar of a mind told me. But when you were about to be married off to Allan Bach, there was this fire inside me, like I wanted to eliminate him. I knew then that I have feelings for you, but I was too proud to admit it. I never loved any woman before you, sweetheart. You should know that loving someone is hard for me to admit, especially if the woman I love wants to be a nun. That should sting, knowing that I can get the entire woman population if I want to, except the one I love.”

“You don’t need to go all through this for me.” Alynna said in a whisper.

“Yeah, I never needed to. But I want to. I want you from the night I saw you, then I realized that I need you when you left. And then I realized that I love you when I married you.”

Alynna was quiet for a while. Now that she is hearing everything she wanted to hear, including her husband professing his love for her, she expected to be so happy. But the way her eyes kept on suppressing their tears is an unquestionable proof that somehow, her love for Cullan and their marriage have fallen apart. Alynna wished with all her heart to be able to tell Cullan how much she loves him in return, but her lips were shut. Tight. She would never let those long-hidden words get out of her mouth, or it will be the end of her sanity. It will be the end of what she planned to do.

“You’re quiet, sweetheart.” Cullan noticed as he watched emotions play across his wife’s beautiful face. Alynna held his hand and looked in his eyes.

“Make love to me, Cullan.”

“What?” Cullan asked, dumbstruck. He never expected Alynna to ask him that. Not that he does not want to, but something tells him she is not all right �"

“Please.” Alynna begged, holding his face between her soft and warm hands.

Cullan stared at her for a long moment. What is going on with her? Somehow, he felt like she is leaving, that her eyes tell him only one thing: Goodbye.

“Where are you going?” Cullan suddenly asked. Alynna failed to keep her surprise.

“Nowhere. Where should I be going?”

“I can feel it. It’s as if you are saying your goodbyes. Tell me what’s wrong. Is it Bella? Is it me? Are you not happy-”

“Cullan!” Alynna said loudly, cutting off Cullan’s litany. She can see that he is hurting, but if she really loves him, she must do the right thing.

Alynna kissed him in the lips, a slow, reassuring kiss, until she felt him calm down.

“Don’t ever think again, even for a second, that I am not happy with you. When you married me, I was and I am the happiest woman in the world. God gave me the best husband anyone can wish for. You gave me so much love, I could not ask for more.”

Cullan heard it all. Yet, he felt like something is missing.

“You never told me you love me.” He said bitterly.

Alynna looked down. If only Cullan knew, she is saying those words every time she lays her eyes on him, when she thinks of him, when she is watching him in his sleep…

And right this moment.

I love you so much, Cullan, it hurts.

Her silence confirmed what Cullan knew from the beginning. She can only give him gratitude and care, but not love.

Why did no one tell him that loving someone who does not love him back is like him jumping stupidly off a cliff, knowing that there is no one waiting below to catch him?

“If you shall leave, then leave knowing that you are, and will always be…my life’s best part.”

Alynna wept as she kissed Cullan passionately, and he kissed her back in equal fire, as if it was their last.

Author's Note

Thank you for reviewing Marrying A Wannabe Nun! All reviews, feedback, and suggestions are welcome, although I am requesting that your review be published after finishing my book. Marrying A Wannabe Nun is on Goodreads too, if you want to drop by and post your review.