CHAPTER 25 - HOME
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This chapter is Rated: EVERYONE
On the elevator I had a bit of time to contemplate what was really happening here. It was all moving so fast now ! Dad said that he was undergoing some kind of medical treatment for a brain disorder.
Nancy, or Tricia, was going to pick me up and I GUESS she was going to take me to my home although she mentioned I would be moving in with her. I was 1.2 million dollars richer for signing a crazy contract and now Tricia wanted to marry me, presumably I guess to show me how to manage my money since I didn't have a clue.
And Rose was moving back to New Jersey with Jimbo, on presumably a good job lead.
But there more involved than just this, wasn't there ?
The elevator door opened again and we were on the ground floor. The nurse wheeled me out, bumping the wheelchair over the edge of the elevator's door to glide across the perfect carpet without a sound to the revolving front door where Tricia was waiting for me, and, like last time, she was dressed to kill, or maybe that should be THRILL.
I had always ignored how pretty the girls at work were when I worked for BBI but now that I wasn't there and Tricia would soon be my wife, I was ENTITLED to drool a bit, and perhaps I did right then.
From the look on my face, apparently it was the reaction she wanted as she coyly said, "Nice to see you too, David."
The nurse then stopped the wheelchair and I got off. She raised her head and lowered it a few times looking at Tricia surprised anyone wouldn't be completely ashamed of themselves for wearing such an obvious boy-magnet outfit.
The nurse tsked tsked a few times disconsolately and turned around to re-enter the hospital. I was then alone with Tricia.
Tricia smoothed back a whisp of hair around her ear, "Where's your cake, honey ?" she asked seeing I was just holding the bag with Susan and the game stuff she bought me earlier.
"I - ahhm - I left it there ?" I said in an inquiring tone. I hoped that wasn't going to cause a problem.
"Didn't you want it ?" she asked, apparently concerned I didn't like sweets.
"Oh no !" I countered, "I hadda slice. It was good, I was just afraid - well ... that it might make a mess in the - whoo, look at that !" it was right then I stepped around Tricia to see she had arrived in a limousine !
"Nice ?" Tricia asked. I nodded dumbly. "Good," she added, "And yes, that cake might've made a mess. You did the right thing, kiddo. Let's go." she tapped her knuckle professionally on the side of the car and the driver up ahead got out to open the door.
I took a look at him. He was TALL, dressed in a fine tuxedo and had on a white driver's cap. He had a REALLY black mustache and he was neat as a pin all around. He walked as if there were wooden stilts jammed up his legs and had a shiny name-tag on his front that said, "Smithers" on it and in smaller print in fancy elegant handwriting, "Elegant Escort Service."
But then he looked at me and stopped cold, as if I was something reproachful that had approached the vehicle, quite by accident, perhaps a beggar who lost his way. I clutched my little hospital bag fearfully wondering what to do next.
Tricia, seeing I apparently wasn't the millionaire image he was expecting, went over to whisper in his ear, then she pointed at me. I didn't like being pointed at so I shot her a smirk which she returned with a pervasive smile.
At once the driver's demeanor changed. An oily smile crinkled around his jaw and he stooped down to address me, holding out his immaculate white gloved hand welcoming me as he opened the left back door to the limousine on the left for me,
"Ah ! So yuu ahr David thon ! Welcome ! Please enjoy yuh ride, suh."
I laughed a little at his funny accent. It was British and reminded me of Batman's butler from the show.
Then he turned to face Tricia, "Where are we going ma'am ?" but his voice was so deep and British it sounded like he said MOM instead of ma'am. I tittered a bit but caught myself and stopped to look around expectantly hoping I wasn't offending anyone.
Apparently it didn't bother him that I thought his accent was funny, and likely he had gotten worse heckling from other not so polite passengers.
Tricia however lowered her head to smile back at me shaking her finger scolding me as she clearly heard my amusement. But then raised back up and spoke to him imperiously and in a loud commanding tone, "Smithers, we're going to David's place. You'll have to ask him where that is."
Smithers leaned his head in my door as if his hips were on a brass pendulum as I was examining the upholstery in the car. "Suh ?" he asked.
I replied, "Yeah, ahhm - " and I gave him my address. I was going to add directions on how to get there but he interrupted me before I could continue.
"Ahr you syoore, thot is yuh residonce, suh ?"
I frowned in confusion. Tricia spoke for me still standing outside the vehicle in front of me, "He's MOVING in with me, Smithers. We're stopping by there to do a little - inventory."
He rotated on his oiled pendulum again to face her, "Mom !" he said and saluted and clicked a hard heel to his left expensive shoe.
I couldn't help it, I laughed right then, he was SUCH a butler like from Batman. And he was calling Tricia his Mom ! Tricia leaned over to look at my grinning face and smiled back at me too, but it was a different kind of smile. Like one might be amused as if something that at first was going to be difficult later turned out to be simpler than one thought.
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I'm not sure that was such a good smile I was seeing from her when I gave it thought. Nonetheless I settled in the seat and jumped my butt up to sit back down and puffed up a horrid, 'New Car' smell from the seat. He closed the door and I swear my ears popped. I had no doubt this limousine could travel underwater too, if it needed to as it seemed so airtight.
He then walked around clicking his shoes which I had to assume now were totally metallic from the heavy sound, likely they had little metal bumpers on the sides too like a bumper car from a carnival too, and then he gallantly opened the door for Tricia on the other side of the car.
"Thank you, Smithers." she said politely and stepped in with me. He closed the door and my ears popped a second time.
I wrinkled my nose, "It smells like new car in here." I complained.
Tricia nodded in agreement and reached in her purse to pull out some kind of body spray. She misted it out a few times and at once it smelled like fruity oranges instead. "How's that ?" she asked.
I nodded, it was definitely better. "Good." she said.
I looked around. There was a drink dispenser. I looked at Tricia as if to ask I could have a drink but she said, "It's not filled. This is just a ride to see what all we need to get from your place." and she reached in her purse again to show a camera and notepad.
"OK." I said deflated. Then I was going to ask her about the coconut waterfall she promised me, but I couldn't. It was so silly ! But that was the stipulation for me moving in with her ! Surely she wouldn't have me move in unless she could've honored that part of her agreement.
"And to answer your next question," she said in a tone that heralded she was a licensed and fully degreed fortune-teller amongst her other hidden talents, "Yes. I have your coconut waterfall. That was the agreement, wasn't it ?"
"Uh huh." I said and scrabbled my toes, one over another as if I wanted one shoe to untie another, which would be a neat trick since my shoes had velcro fasteners. I was fidgety and nervous. I really didn't want to move, but surely it would be better ?
She saw I was agitated and clicked on the radio. Back then, they had great music on FM and she put on KOEZ which played soothing and relaxing music. Carpenter's, the Eagles. All the good stuff.
We finally arrived although I noticed the driver didn't pull up into my driveway, and for obvious reasons. The concrete there was so worn, warped and cracked, it might've damaged one of his tires if he drove on it. He parked alongside. I was home. It certainly didn't look like anything great from the outside.
It was a duplex. The paint on it was cracked from 3 different paint jobs that refused to stay on it. The wood holding it together was warped from various attempts at sealant, and it was basically, all in all, a bad state of repair. That is, the definition would hold true if it had ever undergone any repairs at all.
I lived on the lower level and that crazy woman, also about my age, lived above me. She had concrete feet was the best way for me to describe her. Fortunately, I didn't see her vehicle on the perpendicular driveway so she wasn't in.
Smithers first let her out, then me. Tricia was business and crisp, "Smithers, why don't you drive around for a-while. Get yourself an ice-cream. Come back in an hour, we'll be ready then."
"Mom." he said with the signature clicking of the heels and salute to her. I nodded appreciatively. I was really beginning to enjoy royalty.
"Well, let's assess the damages." she said and gave me a knowing smirk. I didn't like that at all.
"Hey ! That's not nice." I said, feeling a little hurt at the statement.
"David," she said stepping in front to stop me and she put a comforting arm around my shoulder, "If your home is ANYTHING like your desk at work. I KNOW you. Okay, hun ?"
"Awright." I said and opening the door with my keys I added, "Yeah, ahhm ... Watch your step."
Watch your step indeed ! If someone once said cleanliness was next to godliness, well, since I wasn't remotely religious, perhaps it showed ! Dirty socks and underwear were strewn only a few feet from the door. Shirts and pants for work at BBI were tossed on the floor. Easy reach, I told myself, if I was running late to get to work.
While there wasn't any actual food out, there were multiple empty cereal boxes strewn around, several with cuts in them like they were getting started into with a pair of scissors. And rightly so as when you looked at my walls you could see I had cut out the covers to many of the kids cereal boxes and used them as small mini-poster decorations all around the sides.
But that wasn't all, not by a long shot !
I also had snowflakes both from Christmas decorations and hand-made from colorful advertising paper in every room. I had Disney and Japanese Anime placemats hanging on the walls. I had hand-towels with Teddy Bear images and snow scenes hanging on the walls.
I had handkerchiefs spread out, hanging on the walls, photos, bits and pieces of little 99c items I bought to remind me to give to my friends as gifts when I wanted to, door decoration coverings, garment box covers with artwork on them.
Marvel kites, little metal stove covers with flowers, envelopes with little Anime figures, stationery with pixies, greeting cards, all from Rose, some food wrappers to remind me of what I liked to eat, big metal hub-caps cause they were shiny and looked like UFOs I caught I told myself, and pages ripped from many different kinds of calendars to show the main pictures in them.
To top it off I also had pages taken from magazines talking about the mystery of snowflakes, handmade decorations made by Rose to remind me of our perfect relationship together, photos from a camera from many different events. Frisbees I got free attending conventions, paper plates for every holiday, more drawings from Rose, postcards, and little bits of anything that could remotely look like it held a rainbow in it or could reflect light.
Clearly I had used well over a thousand push pins in the excitement, the secret weapon to my decorating finesse.
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Tricia's mouth dropped open. After a good minute of her eyes wide open from looking at all the items hanging on the wall she finally spoke in a strained voice, "My - uhh - aren't you the clever little - decorator."
"Yeah !" I said grinning widely and looked down at my toes, embarrassed that she liked it so much.
Tricia looked around and did her level-best to maintain a "This is not so bad," and reassuring smile but her wide shocked eyes gave away the whole illusion. Clearly this was NOT acceptable to her at all.
"My !" she finally said, forcing conviction of surprise rather than disgust in her tone. "Just as well you are moving in with me !"
"It's not so bad." I said and scuffed my foot off to the side to kick some of the socks into a pile in a corner. "I do my laundry, ahhm ... often."
"How often ?" she asked in a tone that clearly believed I had never done laundry in my entire life.
I looked down at the carpet where I had spilled some kool-aid months ago. That darned carpet cleaner never did get it up. I twirled my toe around it hoping some of it would wrap around my shoe, "Well, at LEAST once a month, man !" I said defensively.
"Well, where we're moving to, we'll have someone else wash your laundry." she said not at all pleased with my answer. "Let's get started."
"What do I do ?" I asked rubbing my hand eagerly, wanting to be helpful.
She saw my computer in the corner, pretty close to the cheapest PC you could buy for that time period. It didn't even have a hard-drive and ran off of a single 3 & 1/2 inch floppy disk drive. And at the moment it the light on it was lit cause someone over my BBS was accessing it.
"Tell you what, honey." she said in a halfway concealed condescending voice. Then she took me nicely by my hand to sit me down, rather hard, in my chair at the computer. "Why don't you - do - your computer - thing - here, while I take inventory. Stay out of my way, can I get you to do that, sweetie ?"
"Yeah OK." I said, deflated. Actually this was fine. I set down my bag of hospital goodies and Susan beside my chair. I wanted to see who was all on my Doomsday BBS while I was gone for the day. 15 people called on my QBasic system ! I had hoped someday to get a 2400 baud modem but for now, 1200 baud was still good and I could chat with people who called me.
Awesome !
Being too nosy for my own good I immediately plundered into their private message and public posts to see what all was added in my absence, especially curious about one secret romance going on between two of my callers who lived in different cities, talking about meeting each other sometime for a cup of coffee and conversation.
Hey, I wrote that BBS from scratch, it was my right to invade people's private lives, right ?
Tricia went from room to room. A short journey to be sure as the kitchen doubled as the living room, the bedroom doubled as the dining room, and the bathroom doubled as the closet.
She started writing things down but suddenly sneezed. I popped up out of my chair to turn on the air-conditioner, a little inexpensive window, half the size of normal units, that my sister helped me hook up, so it wasn't so stuffy. Tricia gave me a mean look like I wasn't supposed to leave my seat. She pointed to my chair and punctuated the air with her finger.
I hurriedly ran back and sat at the computer again smiling sweetly at her.
She ignored me and continued to look around and write down things in her notepad. Then she started opening boxes I had in the kitchen and a look of shock and confusion appeared on her face at what she found.
She couldn't hold back her tact anymore, "Junk ! This is just - JUNK ! What are you doing keeping it all ? David, are you - well - in your head I mean !?"
"Hey," I said getting cross now she calling my collectible valuables trash. I went to go see what she was looking at. It was a big box, not even a quarter of the way filled with any and every kind of wrapper or covering or really anything that sparkled or had an interesting image on it I planned to pin up with push pins later on my wall.
"I'm gonna hang that up on the wall." I told her defensively.
"Where ?" she asked in a voice that emphasized impossibility. I looked around. Well, that was a good question. There clearly was absolutely no room left. She looked up at the ceiling and nearly fell over dizzy seeing that it also 'cleverly' decorated with everything from God's creation that reflected light.
"WHERE !?" she said, raising her voice, now beginning to see moving me would indeed be a herculean effort and not as easy as she originally thought.
"I don't know, man somewheres !" I said, my tone quickly turning to a sorrowful one. I felt tears well up in my eyes from her angry voice.
Tricia patted me comfortingly on the head. "Look David, ahhm - you have - too much stuff. You need - to get rid of some of it."
She put her head down bobbing it a bit like she was trying to cough something out of her lungs. Finally she added quietly a moment later, "Most of it."
She couldn't hold back, her whole face trembled like like someone was shaking her head from the back and she finally exploded in a wild shriek, "ALL OF IT !"
"Not ALL of it !" I said going to my Holiday Table to take Elisabeth, one of my favorite Teddy Bears off to show her that she indeed was NOT junk.
Tricia hoophed out a sigh, "Well, maybe not all of it," she said, correcting herself, "but a good chunk of it ! My GOD ! How do you live here ?"
* * *
"It's not easy !" I said. She nodded, glad we finally agreed on something. Then I pointing my thumb in the air and added, "She makes SO much noise upstairs it's awful ! She makes it really hard to live here."
Tricia could see I had my priorities entirely in a different basket than hers. She sighed again, shaking her head on how completely different channels we were on. "Well, you'll be away from thunder-toes anyways." she said, trying to get a smile out of me.
I laughed at that. She grinned back, the tense moment gone.
The she was business again,"David, We're moving into a huge home. I have one room set aside for you. It's a large one. It's actually bigger than your whole apartment here, so I think everything - will fit."
I nodded waiting for her to continue. "Let me make some calls so we can get your," and she had difficulty saying the next word, "valuables - shifted. Where is your phone ?" she asked.
I said, "In the bathroom."
"Where is that ?" she asked and stood up and did a silly walking in place in a circle like my apartment was a labyrinth from Crete.
"Trish !" I said, knowing now she was just teasing me now.
She grinned, "Okay okay ! Let me do this. Go work on your - computer - or something." She went in my bathroom and found my phone behind the bathroom door where absolutely no-one would find it.
Finally she pulled out her notepad to retrieve some phone numbers and made some calls to movers who were apparently going to shift the bulk of all of my belongings in the apartment to the penthouse room she had in mind for me.
END
OF CHAPTER 25
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