Letter 13: To The One I Wish I Could Forgive

Dear Nikki,

 

This is the one category I thought never in a million years you would ever imagine you falling into. But you did. And for what? Some guy that treats you like dirt? This is a very sad moment for me.

 

What can I say? I’ve forgiven you for so many things. For breaking, literally, breaking my friends heart over this guy.  For making me lose contact with very good friends for almost 2 years over this guy with which one of them he cheated on you with. For going back to this guy countless times senior year. For basically lying to my face on various accounts about your feelings on this guy. But…even after all of this and I still cared, you broke your bridge with me…you broke your bridges with everyone that wasn’t Matt or Jeff. You even deleted your sister? What a shame.

 

You will never know what I experienced because of you Nikki. My best friend was a zombie. I was there for her every step of the way trying to make her even seem alive.  There is one time I recall her just giving up on even school, her looks and everything. I did her homework so she wouldn’t fail. I would make sure she looked half decent and that she didn’t look defeated. I lost Kayla and Taco for a year because we some how chose sides. I had to look at this, everyday knowing what you did and what’s worse. Matt was cheating on you. AND YOU TOOK HIM BACK! That’s the crowing jewel ain’t it? And even then he was still sneaking around. And you just kept going back. For someone as smart as you, you are really stupid for this in my eyes.

 

I was there every step of the way for your soul deterioration. Every month more grudgingly did you go back with him .You could see the disappointment in my eyes but you looked away as if nothing was wrong. I could see your emotional dependency for him. It’s written all over your face and now all over your body. You are even physically dependent on him.  I even told you straight to your face how I felt and yet nothing I said matters. He has and somehow always will brainwash you. Cloud your judgment.

 

I look at you now and see, you gave your soul to him. He is eating at it and now you have nothing left but a drug addicted cheating bum and an empty heart. I hope you can see what we see. You had such a beautiful soul too.

 

You were so tenacious, bubbly, happy go lucky, and just wonderful to be around too. And you were so beautiful too. We were all envious of your grace, beauty, wit and charm. We had some of the greatest memories together too. When I look at our classic picture, I wonder what ever made you change your mind on something so wonderful. Our sisterhood.

 

Now your eyes are dead. You try so hard to be who you once were. I hope one day you regain the woman you lost on your way to destruction. But until that day, you hold the title of the one I wish I could forgive. I’m so sorry I didn’t do more to try and save you. But what can I say, love is blind and love can blind you.

 

Jazz.