Ch. 6- Broken

Days Missing: 5      12:01:23 AM

 

Saxon

I splayed my hand across the coarse wood that was the door, pushing it open. I entered the house, a damp atmosphere filling my body, dampening my mood.

Lucas was pacing back and forth in the living room, setting me even more on edge. I looked around the room, but couldn’t find Zane, so I assumed he’d locked himself up in his room. My chest fell as I huffed out a breath of air. I listened to my own footsteps as I made my way across the room, weaving over bodies lying lazily on the floor. Eneko reached out needy fingers, wrapping them playfully around my ankle. I looked down, kicking free of his grip, a smile that I tried to fight curling at my lips. Everyone has been so tense, it was nice to see Eneko still had his playful spirit. I look down at Miren, who was lying on his side, propping his head up in his arm, and Channing, who was lying flat on his back, long fingers interlocked across his broad chest, staring blankly at the ceiling. The silence hurts my ears.

Free from his tiny fingers, I made my way to Zane’s room, raising my knuckles to the wood. Tapping on it lightly three times, I wait for a reply.

I don’t get one.

I tap again, waiting patiently before twisting the knob free of the lock, opening the door slowly. I take in the sight of his room, the floor strewn with broken things. I step carefully over broken glass as I make my way to the lump in the bed. I sit down on the bed softly, not wanting to wake the sleeping body. I fold my hands, eyeing Zane. The streaked trails from the tears are dried onto his soft skin. He clenches the sheets in a death grip, probably lost in a nightmare. This wouldn’t really even count as sleep, but I suppose it’s better than nothing. He’s unraveling. I hate seeing him like this. A breath of air escapes my lips as I fix my eyes on the wall in front of me.

“Where have you been?”

A sleepy voice floats into my ears, and I turn to look down on Zane, whose eyes had opened, but were fixed on the wall in front of him. I notice something hanging from his neck. A gold necklace.

“Out. Looking for more information where Alexandria might be.”

I hear a sharp breath of air pressed out of Zane’s chest. I cringed because this meant he was losing hope. I didn’t want him to lose hope.

“I don’t want you going there. Not by yourself.” His voice was low, almost threatening.

I caught myself chuckling. It was funny when the younger tried to sound like the older.

“I was fine. Don’t worry about me.” I retorted.

Zane was always the type to keep it together, even when things got exceptionally s****y. I’m not used to seeing him like this. It was killing him. Together, we’ve been through so much all these years, but this was finally Zane’s breaking point. And it scared me.

Zane threw the blankets off his muscled body, pushing himself to a seated position. He planted his palms into the mattress, leaning into it slightly. The necklace dangled freely from his neck, glistening in the moonlight that spilled so freely from the window. Zane shook his head, as if fighting with something inside of him.

“Why can’t we find her?” he whispered, his voice barely audible. It was fogged with doubt.

I turned my body towards his, the bed shaking slightly from my movement.

“Just shut up, ok? You can’t start thinking like this.” My voice was low, rumbling deeply from my chest. Zane looked at me from the corner of his eye, the muscles in his jaw twitching.

“You have to keep hoping, Zane. If you give up now, you’ll give up on Alex all together.” I knew it was a little harsh, but it’s what he needed to hear. It was far too soon for him to start giving up.

“I’m not giving up.” He mumbled, as if reading my mind. He fingered the charm dangling from his neck.

I knew this was true. I knew he wasn’t giving up. He just needed something to keep him going. Something to give him hope. Because right now, Zane was crumbling, fading into black, grasping desperately to anything to hold onto, anything to convince him that Alexandria was in fact alive. Because to be honest, as more days passed by, as Zane faded deeper into this depression, it was becoming less and less likely that Alexandria was alive.

Reviews

[Alleyway Rover]

I’ve already talked about my personal preferences when it comes to multiple first person POV’s, so I won’t go too far into that again. I don’t think anyone would disagree that it’s a tough POV to pull off well. Especially with the addition of a third, your characters really need strong individual voices. It kinda goes back to what I mentioned in my first reviews, I think the biggest thing to work on at this point is putting more depth in your characters.

One of the of the other reviewers mentioned it, but I didn’t even notice whether Saxon is a man or woman; boy or girl. I’m not sure about the age of Zane or Alexandria, I’m feel like I’m missing the most basic information, never mind anything deeper about them.

The reason to write in first person POV is that it gives us ultimate access to the main character’s head. We see the world and interact with it as the main character does. Multiple first persons means that we get to hop from once psyche to another. It’s a rare perspective, but without good, solid voices to let us know who’s brain-ban we’re kicking around it can get really confusing really quickly.

Anyway, just a couple notes for this chapter.

“I don’t want you going there. Not by yourself.” His voice was low, almost threatening.

Where was she going? How does he know where she was going? There’s been nothing about the investigation, so I don’t feel like we’re any closer to finding out where Alexandria is, although after six days, there should be some clues at least.

““Why can’t we find her?” he whispered, his voice barely audible. It was fogged with doubt.”

Because you’re not looking. I think I mentioned this already, but it’s worth addressing again. I’m having trouble trying to figure out why Zane isn’t doing anything at all. It’s like he gave her up for dead after the first day and that was it. Saxon mentions him as the one who ‘always keeps it together’ but I’m not seeing that here. I’m seeing a man who falls apart faster then a house of cards in a hurricane.

I’m not saying it doesn’t work, it’s interesting. It’s an anomaly and a good story is all about the anomalies. But there are no clues anywhere that help me understand what is holding him back. Those are clues I really should have since I’ve been in his head fairly recently.

[JordanIsaacSmith]

Good character development, very well written. Not much to say about this one! I like Lucas and Saxon, good characters.

[RainDancer1997]

I almost was convinced that maybe Saxon could be the dude but the last part made it a no. Great chapter:)!