Chapter 2

“Ryan! Lucius! Come on!” I sigh as I walk to the dorm building entrance. Alexei is waiting impatiently. “Come on,” he whines. I smirk.

“Why don’t we just leave Ryan behind because he’s taking so long?” I say, raising my voice. I hear Ryan shout.

“I heard that! Don’t you dare!” I laugh, and he dashes out a moment later. He huffs and sticks his tongue out at me. Alexei rolls his eyes. I smirk. Ryan pouts.

“Come on,” Alexei says. The three of us all walk out of the dorm to Alexei’s battered old car. How the thing still works is a mystery to me. Ryan and I hop in the back, and we’re off.

We arrive a few minutes later. It’s a forest. I’m pretty sure we’re not allowed to be here, but it’s fine. We walk through the trees to a small frozen-over pond. We sit on the ice and sigh. I watch our breath billow out into the air. It’s quiet and calm. It’s the place we went to whenever we were stressed by school.

“It’s been a while, hasn’t it,” I murmur. Ryan sighs, and a look of sadness flashes over Alexei’s face. “Are you okay, Lex?” I ask. Alexei nods, but I catch the briefest pause of hesitation. “Alexei…,” I warn. He gives me a look.

“I’m fine… really,” he says. He doesn’t look at me. Ryan looks at us, confused. I sigh and drop the subject. He won’t talk, and we try not to talk about it in front of Ryan. Ryan looks puzzled, so I distract him.

“Ryan, are we baking tomorrow?” I ask. Ryan grins. “Do we have everything?” Ryan nods. I wince inwardly at how many calories we’ll be consuming in the next few days. Ryan’s snacks are… well, let’s just say he doesn’t skimp on the sugar. I shrug off the intrusive thoughts and think about how good they’ll be. Forget about the numbers… They’re Ryan’s cookies. I won’t relapse. Not again. Not while I have them.

Alexei glances at me. He raises an eyebrow. Are you okay? I smile at him. I’m fine, Lex. We have these kinds of silent conversations often. Ryan looks between the two of us, thoroughly confused. I almost laugh at his perplexed expression.

I drum my fingers on the ice. I stand up, and look at Alexei and Ryan. They follow me, and we walk off again. I vaguely remember the way, and I lead them out of the forest to an abandoned building.

It’s an old concert hall. I found it in the summer between freshman and sophomore year. It’s technically closed to the public, but all that’s there to discourage us is a dinky old sign that says “Danger: Do Not Enter.” And a fence. But I broke the lock on the door a while ago, so we can enter whenever we want. I showed it to Ryan in junior year when Ryan was upset because some people were bullying him. Ryan showed Alexei when Alexei was super anxious about finals and graduate school and all that.

Alexei, of course, adores the hall. He tells us that his dream is to raise enough money to buy the hall and repair it, and eventually reopen it. I honestly cannot tell if he’s kidding or not. Whether he is or not, he loves the place. The place also has a piano that, by some miracle, is still in decent shape.

I open the fence, and we walk through the dirty glass double-doors. I pause and look at Alexei. Alexei takes the lead. He leads us to a stage. The black grand piano stands there. Alexei walks to it as if hypnotized. Ryan watches him, entranced. Alexei runs his fingers along the keys before sitting. He presses a key. The note hangs in the air, potent with the promise of more. The rest comes easily. The music flows from his heart straight out of his fingers into the keys. I don’t know what song it is, and I don’t care. I lose myself in the music. Is it one song, is it multiple songs? I don’t know. The music is forever in a moment.

I’ve loved music since I was a child. It was my anchor when life was pulling me apart and every which way. It was the eye of the hurricane that was my life. It’s one of the few constants in my life. No matter what happens, I’ll still have my music.

Alexei’s the same. He has the piano. He adores it. He’s amazing at it, but he could never afford to enter competitions and the like. He was taught mostly by school music teachers. I played the piano. I always tell Alexei that he should enter competitions, but he always frets about money. Competitions are expensive, and sometimes the cost of competing is more than the reward money.

The song ends, and Alexei looks at us. His face is open and happy. I smile at him, and Ryan claps. Ryan plays the violin. He prefers singing, though. He can sing like an angel. He has made Alexei sing, and has even dragged me into singing. He tells us we’re amazing, but neither of us believe him.

I always wondered why Alexei didn’t go for a music major. Well, I know why. But I can’t help but wonder how things would be if he went for a music major. He went for medical because he wanted to help people… and the money, I suppose. After living poor and on one’s own for a while, whether one likes it or not, a person has to realize the importance of money. And Alexei wants Ryan to pursue his dreams without having to work his butt off like he did.

We walk out together. It’s going to be dark soon. The sky is lavender and pink. It’s lovely. Ryan yawns, and I smile at him. We walk back to Alexei’s car. Ryan dozes off against my shoulder. I glance at him to make sure he’s sleeping, and I look at Alexei.

“Are you really okay?” I ask softly. Alexei shakes his head.

“I’ll be fine,” he whispers. “Are you okay?” I hesitate.

“I don’t know,” I respond quietly. “Sometimes I am, and sometimes I’m not.” Alexei nods. The rest of the drive passes in a peaceful, yet slightly unsettled, silence.

When we get to Alexei’s apartment, Ryan complains about the cold. Alexei can’t afford a heater. He goes into the kitchen to make ginger lemon honey tea. Ryan’s favorite. Ryan trudges off to our room and comes back with the thick, fluffy throw blanket that Alexei gave him last year for Christmas. He sits on the couch with the blanket wrapped around him. Alexei hands him a cup of hot tea and Ryan holds it in his hands, absorbing its heat. I get myself a cup of hot chocolate and sit on the couch next to Ryan.

Alexei joins us with a cup of peach tea. We sit in silence, enjoying each other’s company. I feel a warm weight in my lap and see Ryan’s head. He’s already dozed off. I play with his hair.

About an hour later, Alexei stands. He gently shakes Ryan awake. Ryan whines before opening his eyes. He frowns at Alexei, and I gently tug on his hair.

“I’m going to London’s for the evening,” he says. Ryan pouts. “I’ll be back tomorrow morning,” Alexei says. Ryan pouts more.

“…Promise?” he asks after a moment. Alexei smiles. His smile is almost pained.

“I promise.” 

* * * * * * *

I watch in horror as my father smashes the piano. My piano. I watch helplessly as the piano shatters under the baseball bat. Pieces of brown wood lie scattered around the room. My father pants softly as he turns to face me. His eyes are clear and cold. He doesn’t smell like alcohol for once.

I wish he did.

He snarls at me. “That should teach you to bring back anything less than perfect,” he spits. “You useless, stupid failure.” I feel tears stinging my eyes. He throws a crumpled paper at me. It lands at my feet.

“But sir, we didn’t―” I begin. He slaps me.

“Bull,” he hisses. “You’re just a worthless brat.” He smacks me again. “You just didn’t study. You spent too much time on that worthless thing.” I shake my head. He punches me. I fall to the ground. “Xolani would’ve gotten perfect. Xolani would’ve made me proud,” he hisses bitterly. I wince and blink back tears. He notices, of course. “Weak,” he spits. “Weak, worthless little brat.”

When he’s done with me, I crawl to the piano. I pick up a piece of the shattered piano. I feel tears coming up again. I wipe them away angrily.

“I’m sorry, Mom,” I whisper. “I tried… I really did.

“I wish you were still here.”

Small, soft hands wipe away my tears.