Chapter 16

I jolt awake. I look around. White walls, white sheets. I’m in a hospital bed. I move to stand up and find that there are too many needles attached to me. I growl softly.

“Lucius!” a familiar voice cries. I turn towards the voice. Ryan is standing in the doorway with tears in his eyes. His face still has a few bandages from the accident. “Lucius, you’re awake! I thought… I thought…” He starts to sniffle. Tears shimmer in his eyes. I turn away. “Lucius…” I feel warm arms wrap around me. I stiffen. Ryan only hugs tighter.

“Dad liked chocolate-covered Belgian waffles.” Ryan’s breath hitches. “Mom liked strawberry jam cookies. Xo liked mint chocolate chip ice cream. Ru loved strawberries.” I hesitate. “Alexei liked sugar cookies.” I pause for a moment. Ryan is holding his breath. “Ryan loved chocolate cookies.” I feel Ryan’s soft breath against my ear.

“Lucius loved red velvet cupcakes,” Ryan whispers. I wince. He pulls away to look at me. I don’t meet his eyes. I can’t meet his eyes.

Ryan keeps holding me until a nurse walks in. Ryan lets go of me and backs away. The nurse checks everything, then steps out to speak with Ryan. I raise an eyebrow at Ryan. He doesn’t look at me.

When he comes back, he tells me we can go. I’m out of immediate danger, I suppose. I walk out of the hospital, and I blink in surprise. “L-London?” I stammer. London smiles hesitantly at me.

“Ryan called me to bring you to the hospital. He wasn’t sure that he could bring you here safely,” he says. I nod. He hesitates. “Do… do you blame me?” I don’t respond. London looks down. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. I glimpse tears on his face.

I reach out and touch his shoulder gently. He looks up at me, and I smile hesitantly. It’s a little forced, but it’s a smile.

It feels… unfamiliar.

London drives Ryan and I back to the apartment, and I look at the piano. For a long time. I just stare at the piano. I walk to the piano.

Lucius…

I lift the cover off the piano.

Lucius…

I open the lid.

Lucius… it isn’t your fault.

I run my fingers gently over the keys.

Lucius… don’t blame yourself.

I play.

Not for your mother’s death.

Note after note after sweet note.

Not for Xolani’s death.

I forget my surroundings.

Not for Ru’s death.

All I hear is the sweet sound of the piano.

Not for my death.

I lose myself in the music.

None of it was your fault.

There are a million colors in these black and white keys… and I’ve found them again. The colors of the song fill the air around me.

I’ll be fine.