Chapter 3

I groan when I hear Ryan squealing. He’s shaking me frantically.

“Wake up, wake up! It’s Christmas! Presents!” he practically shrieks in my ear. I bat him away and sit up groggily.

“Go away,” I mumble. “Where’s Lex?” Ryan shrugs.

“He’s not back. He’s going to be home soon. He promised he’d be home today,” he says confidently. He jumps up and down. “Now get up so we can open presents!” I sigh.

“You don’t want to wait for him?” I ask, sitting up. I blink my eyes groggily. Ryan pauses and thinks. He shakes his head.

“Presents,” he says simply. I laugh softly. Ryan has the mentality of a five year-old at times… most of the time. I trudge to the living room. Alexei has a small apartment, so we have a small tree ornament on the piano―something Alexei refused to not have, even if he nearly worked himself to death trying to save enough for a decent piano―and presents scattered on the top. I divide them based on who they’re for. Ryan’s, mine, and Alexei’s, who’s still missing.

I wonder if something is wrong briefly. He’s never broken a promise before… but we still have the rest of the day. I push the thought away and watch Ryan open presents. He squeals when he pulls out a soft stuffed lamb plushie from me. I yelp when Ryan flings his arm around me, and then smiles. He likes anything soft and cuddly… and he also likes cuddling with me. I can’t say I mind it that much.

I hear my phone ring. I frown, then tell Ryan to wait. He pouts, but complies.

I go to answer the phone. It’s London. He’s spending the day with his family, but he spent last night with Alexei. I pick up the phone. I listen to what he says.

I drop my phone. I stand in shock. I hear London ask to speak to Ryan. I hesitate before leaning down and going to the living room to give the phone to Ryan. I go back to stand in the doorway. Tears prick my eyes. I don’t want to see Ryan’s reaction, but I can’t leave him alone. I hear London ask, “Ryan?”

“Merry Christmas!” Ryan responds cheerfully.

I watch Ryan’s face pale. I watch as Ryan’s smile fades. I watch my phone fall to the floor. I watch as Ryan turns to face me. He looks at me pleadingly, as if to ask if it’s all just an elaborate trick. I know he wants it to be a prank. I know he wants it to be a prank desperately. I want it to be a prank. But even I am not this cruel. And London certainly isn’t that cruel. Neither of us could ever bear to provoke the pain etched in Ryan’s begging, miserable gaze.

Shock. Numbness. Disbelief. That’s what I felt when I heard what London said. I didn’t feel grief. The news hadn’t set in yet. It’s set in completely now. The familiar, gut-wrenching ache of grief. I shake my head at Ryan. He lets out a whimper, and his knees give out. I rush over to catch him as he collapses. I hug him silently.

“It’s not true, it can’t be true. It’s not true, right? It’s not real, Lexi’s just joking, right?” he pleads desperately. I don’t meet his eyes. “He promised he’d be back,” Ryan whispers, his voice shaking. I don’t respond. “Lucius?” he asks, pushing my chin up so I have to look at him. I feel my eyes start to water, then the tears start to fall. I wipe my eyes angrily

It’s all the answer Ryan needs.

Ryan whimpers. I hesitate, then stand and take the second box that sits on the piano. I hand it to Ryan. Ryan opens the box with shaking hands. Inside is a raggedy old teddy bear with soft fur. Ryan stares at the stuffed animal hanging limply in his hand. I stare at the animal’s innocent smile. I feel a sudden urge to burn it.

Ryan flings it across the room. He lets out a shriek, and breaks down into sobs. He tries to speak, but the words are lost in his choking sobs. I move to hug him, but he shoves me away. He sobs for what feels like an hour. I can do nothing but watch, helpless, as my best friend drowns in misery.

Eventually he exhausts himself. When he stands up, his face is blank. Emotionless. Numb. Ryan walks to his room. I stay sitting on the floor. I hear the sound of glass―or is it a ceramic mug? I hear the bed squeak. I hear muffled sobs.

Our world is falling apart.

I look at the boxes on the piano. I look at Alexei’s presents. I stand and pick them up. I walk to his room. I deposit them on his bed. I walk back to the piano. I pick up my presents. I open Ryan’s present. It’s a black box with two swans on the cover. I open the butterfly latch and run my fingers along the soft red velvet lining. I close the box and put it on the piano. I hesitate before opening the second box. I open it, and I find another box. A simple black box with a silver border. I open it. The inside is lined with black velvet. There’s also folded piece of paper. I open it with shaking fingers.

Take care of Ryan for me.

I go to the room. I hear Ryan sobbing. I slide down against the door until I’m sitting. I don’t cry. If I hold back the tears, maybe they’ll disappear. I whisper, so softly I’m not sure if Alexei could heard it or not.

* * * * * * *

“I’m so sorry.”

“I’m so sorry. When I woke up, Alexei was gone. I found a note on the counter. It said… he said… it said that he’s so sorry. He told me not to come looking for him. He says there’s nothing I can do… nothing anyone can do.

“He told me to tell you to take care of Ryan. He told me to tell you that he’s so sorry, but he can’t take it anymore.

“Lucius, he’s gone. He’s gone.

“Alexei’s dead.”