Chapter 17

I’m in my room. Our room. Ryan’s room. I’m running my fingers along a knife. I hold it up. It shimmers innocently in the dim light of my room. I set it down again. I’m sitting against the wall with my knees against my chest.

I bury my face in my knees.

London calling me on Christmas.

Ryan pushing me away.

Xo hanging from the ceiling.

Mom dying in front of me.

Ru begging for me to help him while I watched, helpless.

My father pleading for me to forgive him.

I press my hands against my ears and whimper.

It’s too much, everything is too much.

It’s my fault, everything is my fault.

Everything is falling apart.

I can’t sleep without nightmares.

I can’t take this pain… everything hurts, all the time.

I pick up the knife again. I hold it against my wrist.

Will anyone miss me?