Chapter 6

First day back at school… great.

Well, it’s a distraction. But still. Now the pressure to do well is back. Back with a raging vengeance. Worse than ever before. The teachers pile on the workload, and I’m left doing homework and studying for hours and hours at night. I probably get three hours or less of sleep every night. That’s partly because I have a ton of work. Partly because I over-prepare for everything. Mostly because sleeping means nightmares… and remembering.

Alexei shaking his head.

Worse, I can’t keep an eye on Ryan. Whenever I’m home, he’s out. He only comes back at around 3 in the morning… with bruises on his wrists. I try to help him―I swear!―but he pushes me away. I ask him what’s wrong, and he always replies with “I’m fine.’  Every time.

I’ll be fine.

It’s the same as it was before. Comforting yet… empty? I can’t quite think of the right word. I’m sure that if I try to eat now, I wouldn’t be able to hold anything in anyway. My stomach’s too full of guilt and pain.

I’ll be fine.

I know what people say. I know what you think. But I don’t care about starving myself. After all, what’s left to live for? Alexei’s gone. Ryan’s pushing me away.

I’ll be fine.

Everything’s gone.

I’ll be fine.

And while I’m drowning in self-pity, I don’t notice all the little things that I might’ve noticed before.

I’ll be fine.

I don’t notice the long sleeves pulled down. I don’t notice the bones sticking out. I don’t notice the shadows under his eyes. I don’t notice the blood staining tissues and gauze in the trash can. I don’t notice the tears in his eyes when he pushes me away. I don’t notice the muffled cries at night.

I’ll be fine.

I don’t notice my only friend falling to pieces.

I’ll be fine. 

* * * * * * *

“Hello!”

I turn around. There’s a boy standing by me. It’s lunch. I’m all alone, as usual. The boy smiles at me. I tilt my head slightly. What does he want?

“I noticed you sitting alone and I thought I’d come and keep you company!” he chirps. I just stare at him. His smile falters, “I-If you don’t want me to that’s fine!” he stammers quickly.

I shouldn’t do this. But he’s so sweet, so kind. So innocent. I can’t help it. I move over.

He slides in next to me. I get a good look at him. He looks familiar… but I can’t quite remember when or where I saw him. He opens a paper bag and nibbles on a sandwich.

“I’m new,” he says cheerfully. “Do you have any siblings?” I wince before hesitantly shaking my head. “I have a big brother! He’s the best. He’s four years older than me. People say we look alike, almost like twins. But he’s older… ” I stop listening.

So that’s where I saw him. That was him and his brother that day. I look at him again. He’s not bruised anymore. He’s not handsome… he’s cute. Pretty. Feminine. He’s skinny.

I listen to him for the entire lunch period.

When we leave lunch, he bids me goodbye with a wave. I walk away without a word.

After school, I hear cruel laughs. And a frightened small, feminine pretty boy. I follow the noise and see him pressed into a corner. A group of four or five boys surround him. “Come on, baby boy,” the leader sneers. How do I know it’s the leader? He’s the one in front and he’s talking. “Why don’t you come with us? I’m sure a pretty boy like you’d love a good―” I stop listening. I quite calmly walk up behind them. I tap the leader on the shoulder.

“Hi,” I say brightly. He blinks, and I bring my knee up. He screams, and I giggle. The others glance at each other, then me. I raise an eyebrow at them. I nod to the groaning idiot on the floor. “Get him out of here,” I growl. “And don’t touch that boy again or you’ll suffer that… and more,” I say sweetly. They blink. I wave at them, and they jump and grab the leader before running. I turn to the boy.

“You okay?” I ask. He blinks at me.

“Y-Yeah,” he says. He tilts his head. “I never introduced myself. I’m Ryan. What’s your name?” he asks.

I am so going to regret this.

“I’m Lucius.”