Wilbert the Wizard (Eternal Reign) Chapter 1: The Market Mayhem

Wilbert the Wizard (Eternal Reign) Chapter 1: The Market Mayhem

A Chapter by Mr. Mills
"

Goblins have invaded mage market! Wilbert does what ever it does to try to make them leave, even if he has to turn to political terms.

"

Wilbert the Wizard and the Market Mayhem

It was a week ago when King Flare had saved Storagia from Darkagia and he soul spell. He was the only one that could after the rest of us failed. Soon after the events of the soul spell, I met this guy named Zul. He’s cool. He’s working with the magical government now, I guess. Me and Gallia had run into a major issue. We had a lot of destruction to repair after Darkagia. I don’t know why the magical government was blaming this on us, but we had to pay our fee’s.

“Goodbye honey! I really have to go.” I told Gallia.

“No you don’t. You have to tell me where you go every time you go sweetie.” Said Gallia shaking her head and lifting my chin with her finger.

“Gallia, me and Frostwing are going to work at the market again. We’re going to need to if we are going to fix the repairs.” I said.

“Very well then Wilbert. See you at dusk, honey!” Called out Gallia as I flew away on Frostwing. After a few minutes of flying we arrived. Frostwing landed there very smoothly.

 The mage market. What a well-organized establishment. Until today. Fruits were all over the floor along with jewelry. The place was practically empty. Something had gone very wrong. There was one of the merchants sitting on the ground whining about his destroyed stand.

“They took everything. Those little freaks!” Shouted out the merchant.

“Calm down. What came here and took, everything?” I questioned.

“The goblins! The magical government said they were part of the new military, but there causing trouble all over Storagia!” Exclaimed the merchant.

“We’ll talk some sense into them. Or me and Frostwing will at least try.” I said.

“Get rid of those monsters! Cast them out of Storagia!” Said the merchant.

“I’m not going to jump to conclusions. I’m going to try to reason with them and if they do listen, they’ll have the magical government to talk to.” I said.

“Go Wilbert. Expose of those beasts!” Said the merchant as I left. Frostwing took a few steps back before taking off again.

“Frostwing that’s them in the Forbidden City down there!” I exclaimed pointing toward it. Frostwing immediately began skydiving toward the sight. The city was obviously a ghost town. Except for the hundreds of goblins that had invaded it! The houses were as large as mansions. I can’t believe no one really live here.

“Wilbert. Is it that lame battle mage that got beat by a spark of flame?”  Questioned one of the goblins.

“No, I’m that great battle mage that’s trying to reason with you, if you’re willing to be reasonable.” I said. The goblins hesitated then began laughing at me.

“Why are you laughing?” I asked.

“If you think us goblins can be reasonable, then you are completely out of your mind.” Said the same goblin. Frostwing emerged from the tree’s he was behind.

“Don’t make me get vicious. Please stop attacking the citizens of Storagia.” I said. The goblins became frightened all the sudden.

“No, wait. We are so sorry. What I meant to say is that us goblins are the most reasonable goblins there could be.” Said the goblin. Frostwing walked up to the goblin then roared right into his face.

“Ah!” The goblin screamed and then ran to a near corner of a house.

“I’d like you to meet my friend. Frostwing. He’s a dragon and he definitely doesn’t like unreasonable goblins.” I said.

“Yes sir! We will be reasonable. We will serve the magical government as they have told us to.” Said one of the smaller goblins.

“I’m still keeping my eyes on you.” I said unsure if they were telling the truth or not. The goblins were trembling before me.

“Retreat!” Exclaimed the goblin I was talking to and all the goblins began to run away. They ran into the Winter Woods outside Storagia.

“Those goblins are silly. Let’s get back to the mage market and fix it up bud.” I said to Frostwing. I got on top of Frostwing. Frostwing began flying again. We soared across the air and I could feel air running though my brown hair. We soon arrived back at the mage market. The old merchant that had been waiting for us to remove the goblins from the situation was still there.

“The goblins. They’re gone. Now I’m going to pick up all of this mess that they’ve created.” I said grabbing a trash bag from someone’s stand.

“Oh thank you, kind sir. I will repay you in gems.” Said the merchant.

“Really, not be impolite but, what kind of cash are we talking here?” I asked.

“200 gems. No other mage would come and help me. You deserve to be well rewarded.” Said the merchant. Surprisingly I needed 200 gems to fulfill me and Gallia’s debt from destruction.

“Thank you a lot actually. I guess if you wanted to fix up these stands with me!” I asked placing a fruit in my trash bag.

“I would live to help you Wilbert.” Said the merchant.

“Who are you? What’s your name?” I asked him.

“Ozi actually. People don’t talk to me much. Usually if it’s there insulting me or refusing to buy anything from my stand.

“I’m so sorry for you.” I said taking an armful and putting it into my trash bag. It was getting pretty full.

“I’ll be right back I’m just going to hall this trash to the dumpster.” I said. Frostwing followed me. As soon as I got to the dumpster I tossed it in from about 2 feet away.

“Skill shot.” I said to myself strutting away, heading back to mage market.  When I had gotten back Ozi had actually done a lot. Everyone had returned to their stands. I only saw one rotten apple on the ground and every stand was set up perfectly. I picked up the rotten apple. Frostwing literally ate it out of my hand before I could do anything.

“Ewe! No Frostwing! Please spit that out!” I exclaimed. Frostwing hesitated but then regurgitated the apple out of his body. I got the broom and swept the rotten now dragon saliva covered apple to the side.

“It was great doing this business with you. I better get back to my jewelry stand.” I said. Ozi watched me and Frostwing walk back to my stand.

“Love the dragon!” Ozi called out just before we got there.

....................................

A few hours later I had finally gotten home from work with Frostwing.

“So how did it go Wilbert?” Asked Gallia. Before I could answer Gallia something very surprising happened. “Sabotage!” The goblins chanted outside. I walked out the door of my shack.

“Please. I thought you guys were over this.” I said. They continued to chant “Sabotage!”

“Wilbert you’re a great guy, it’s just we want to have a little fun with you Storagian’s. You see we are very lonely. That’s why we decided to sabotage your house.” Said the goblin I was talking to earlier.

“Sabotage my house! You little monsters are insane!” I said.

“That’s what Ozi said. It’s not like he stopped us is it.” Said the leader goblin.

“I know you can feel lonely at times, but that doesn’t mean to vandalize and destroy everything in Storagia!” Gallia snapped. I laid back and watched her storm off at the goblins. You don’t want to mess with her. She can be, intense.

“Were so sorry Mam’.” Said the goblin.

“You’re little faces better be sorry. Because if you commit to behavior such as this ever again I’ll have you turned in and sued. You will be locked up the rest of your lives!” Said Gallia with intensity.

“You’re way better at reasoning with them than I am.” I said.

“Now take a hike. Scatter. All of you!” Gallia exclaimed angrily.

“You really have a monster inside of you don’t you.” I said to Gallia.

“Those goblins would be you if anything bad were to happen to us. One thing Wilbert...” I didn’t let Gallia finish.

“That’s enough of that. The goblins are gone now.” I said.

“Sorry, I just got a little bit carried away.” Gallia replied. We all went back inside the shack to have ourselves a nice dinner. After all this goblin chaos, it would be just pleasant to eat a normal dinner together.

Next Read Wilbert the Wizard 32

Wilbert the Wizard and the Time Shatter

 

 

 



© 2019 Mr. Mills


Author's Note

Mr. Mills
Give me Edits. Just a script.

My Review

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Reviews

• Just a script.

I'm afraid it's not a script, in either format or content. Nor is it a rough draft, or a story, as the average reader views that.

Basically, you, the author, are talking to the reader and giving them an overview of what happened in the story you're making up. But when you read fiction, is it for, "This happened...then that happened...and then..." Or do you want the author to make it seem real as you read it? A list of what happened in the story, especially when presented as an overview, is no more exciting than a history book. We're not on the scene, we're hearing about it, second hand, from someone we can't either see or hear. Sure you can tell the reader how a character speaks their lines, but you can't tell the reader how the narrator does.And unlike you, the reader doesn't know why a person says or does things, most of the time, so they can't even guess at how you would read the line.

To excite the reader you need a very different approach. You need to place the reader into the story in real time, and get the author off stage, because they're blocking the reader's view. Have your computer read this chapter aloud, and you'll hear how different what the reader gets is from what it sounds like when you read it.

The short version: Writing fiction for the page isn't at all like writing reports and essays, which is what they taught us to do in school. And we no more learn to write fiction by reading it than we learn to cook by eating. So if your goal is to write fiction that your reader will WANT to read, you need to learn the skills of the fiction writer. In that the local library's fiction department can be a great help.

This isn't something you hoped to hear—or wanted to—I know. But I figured that since you're cranking these out, one after another, you should know why you're not getting the reviews that you hoped for.

A couple of things that can be fixed, before you dig into the skills of writing fiction for the page:

1. You have neither a blank line between paragraphs nor indentation, and that makes it really hard to read. You need to fix that.

2. When a line gets a tag, that tag does not capitalize the first letter. And if the dialog leading to it ends in a period, you change that period to a comma. All other punctuation marks remain as they are, though the tag always begins with lower case.

3. Tags are used only when who's speaking is not certain to the reader. If there are only two people in conversation, most of the time, the tag isn't needed, because people speak by turns.

4. In line with point 2, look at the line: ' “Calm down. What came here and took, everything?” I questioned.' The dialog ended in a question mark, and the line is phrased as a question. What possible reason is there for you to explain that it's a question after that?

5. Drop the bangs. You have twenty-five exclamation marks in a single chapter. That's about five times as many as in the average novel, total. The excitement belongs in the writing, not the punctuation.

6. A line like: "Before I could answer Gallia something very surprising happened," is a guaranteed rejection. Never tell the reader that something is going to happen. How can it be a surprise if you told the reader it was going to happen? If our protagonist is surprised, so should the reader be. Or, as Mark Twain put it: “Don't say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream.”

7. The reader understands that he rides Frostwing, as a mode of transportation. Telling the reader who he rides every time he goes anywhere is a waste of words. They already know how he travels. And telling the reader that before taking flight, Frostwing takes steps is like telling the reader that the driver of a car took the keys out of his pocket, put them in the ignition, and twisted them to start the car. All that mentioning visual detail that's not required does is slow the reading with irrelevant clutter.

8. When you say, " Frostwing hesitated but then regurgitated the apple out of his body." What does "out of his body" add that regurgitate hasn't already said? There's a lot of that kind of thing that should be removed, because every unnecessary word reduces the story's impact by just a bit.

Not good news, I know, but it is something you need to know.



Posted 5 Years Ago



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Added on February 15, 2019
Last Updated on February 15, 2019


Author

Mr. Mills
Mr. Mills

Heber, UT



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I like to go by Mr. Mills. I like wizard stories. Me and my wife are living the life in Heber. more..

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