Whats that Smell? Fire and Flesh? Oh...

Chapter Two: What’s that smell? Fire and flesh? Oh…

Now Alice is on her own.  She is alone on the barren road with no way to go. Memories harm her existence but that won’t fade this fast. The last year of being beat, forced sex and the rare zombie encounter was mainly over, well at least for the first two, hopefully.

Alice loads a pistol of her dads. Six bullets are all she has till she finds a new home or just a new place then here. She packs up a bag of two outfits, one with a bright as the sun yellow top and the other as a deep passionate purple top. Both matched with old good will jeans.

Next she throws in a few days of food in her brown leather pack. She tries up her hair into a ponytail then she heads out the door of her sad and lonely home, never to return again.

 

Alice did do one more thing before she left. She emptied every last damn devil juice that is father’s alcohol on to and around the house. Alice lights a match she got from the cabinet and she throws it towards the house.

The house is filled with flames as Alice walks down the dark streets now filled with carnage of blood and bodies of all types. But how did the world get to this point?

Well it’s actually simple in a bible sense.

God figuratively said: Go f**k yourself human race, I’m going to hit the reset button on you guys and hope that who will remain will find their inner strength to survive. They had to be better than unlucky b*****d who were killed, turned or eaten. It was hard which to hope for.

Or maybe God would just create a new race of super human people or trees that talked and walked. Either way the human didn’t stand a chance.

Next came his deal with the devil or what his close friends called him, Satan. The contract written in blood between the Devil and God included, the Devil getting control of half of the earth if he would uses his forces to clean up the current ugly mess of the world. And clean up meant, kill everything that moved.

So the Devil created and launched all the ugly and evil things he could think of based on years of lore and some reality of what was already living on the dreaded planet. The Devil did this to fulfill his deal and just because he loved destruction and chaos.

Let’s just say that the humans lost pretty fast. *cough* two days.

Two days for the world to complete fold over and collapse in on itself.

Humans did survive in some parts but they were a quickly dying race.

…

In the present day. Alice was walking around, unknowingly cross the line where the world was divided into halves. One half for the Devil and his army of darkness. And one half for God and his winged angel b******s.  Alice’s left foot presses off the ground as she unluckily enters the half that becomes to the dark.

Alice continues walking not knowing really how bad this world has turned into or where the f**k she was going to go. The streets are windy with the smell of fire in the air and clouds of ashes can be seen in the distance. An extra smell hits her nose. She doesn’t know it but it’s the awful smell of rotten flesh.

The world looks almost the same. Cars were useless, no gas and a lot of the time there were piles of them stuck on the road so traveling on main roads was difficult and dangerous. Houses were broken in to but other humans or creatures trying to get in. Office buildings were empty or burnt, sometimes even still on fire because of the endless chairs and table to rage up the fires.

She continues and continues, aimlessly moving.  She enters a dark forest. Even though it was the middle of the day, she could barely see inside the forest. Alice hears a great deal of unique noises from behind her so she takes off into the forest.

The noises seem to be following her. She runs dodging trees trying to get away. Suddenly the soft green leafy ground disappears from under her and her whole body collapse inside a huge hole.

A voice rings out, “I got one.”

Reviews

[C.F. Boehlke]

Echoing Coyote's review, slow down and immerse yourself in the world :) savor it. Writing a publish-worthy novel is a marathon, not a sprint. I am enjoying the action so far, and the voice of the main character. Zombie stories are usually a hard sell for me because they have become so trendy lately, and it seems as if they are all the same. That said, I don't feel that way about your story. My friends would tell you that is quite an accomplishment!

Focus on fleshing out your tale. Why is she walking? Where is she going? Who is she hoping to see? Why did God hit the reset button, to the best of her assumptions? What was the world like before? Is this set in 2015 or 3059? Who is she besides a survivor of sexual abuse and a zombie apocalypse?

I'm sure some of these questions will become answered in future
Chapters but I think you can give more insight here too. Also, remember that a typical fiction novel ranges from 60-100K words.. It's good to flesh out your chapters so you don't end up with 200 of them! :)

Again, compelling and interesting! Turning the figurative page as we speak!

CFB

[Ice Girl]

wow. i liked it!

[Chris Yip]

A different style of writing but actually quite entertaining!!

[Daenerys]

I think this chapter needs a little bit more description in it. I would also love it to be longer.

[TheSweet]

Again, this is short, when it needs much more elaborate description, and a specific perspective. It sometimes sounds as if you're breaking the forth wall and talking as a narrator who was there, then it turns to proper thrid person and explaining Alice in the situation.

With a little bit of nailing down, this has so much potential :)

[TKBickel]

I didn’t do a review for chapter 1 since you have plenty with great advice. So I jump in here. I love how you demand the attention of the reader with a shock. You keep me guessing what next.

CFB has great advice and pretty much says it all. I want to feel her surroundings and know how her world collapsed so fast. Just a little more insight of the reset would be great for me. Was it a plague setting of the zombies or the uprising of the other beings?

I love your last paragraph. You could drop one of the ‘continues’ and maybe substitute ‘to wander’.

Overall a good story in the works.

[yukiderp]

i just started reading and i'm already hooked on this story. i've always loved zombies, and the plot is awesome. just work on your english grammar and literature and this could be an even better story :]

[Coyote Poetry]

A short chapter. You have opportunity to make this a great story. Remember you need the who, what, where, when and how in every chapter. Add description of people and memory. This could be one of best stories on this site. I like the set-up and the ending of this chapter. A very good chapter.
Coyote

[The old me]

I cant wait to see whats next. I'm still trying to know if this will be based on alice in wonderland but anyways, this is really good.