July 2000

Jul 1

 

I have been thinking. The childhood is so short! You can be a considered child until about 14 (in my understanding). It means that you start thinking like an adult and look like an adult. Like height and some other things (while I don't fall under that). Not fair. You stay an adult for ages! You can break down the adult life in stages but ultimately it is pretty much the same! For example, only children are allowed to climb trees and yell on the streets. Even I get reprimanded for it already sometimes. Therefore, you can be a child for only about a 6th of your life. But why? Why would the nature be so cruel? I don't want to grow up. I can grow older but maybe 3 times as slowly. I really have no idea what adults do. How do they entertain themselves? It appears that all they have is raising children and kissing (that was my simple conclusion from watching my parents).

 

Alright, I want to experience adulthood too. I haven't written a book yet and I haven't done skydiving. But I don't want that yet. I don't want to grow tall and things like that. Although I am hardly developing! And I don't intend to.

 

Ah I so want to go to Russia or Australia! I have tons of photos on my walls. I remember how it was when I look at them but I cannot remember everything. I want to, just one more time (well not just once!) to run on the paths in the evening back at grandparents' place while breathing in the breathtaking smell of wood smoke and other things. And then walk back into the house and turn the TV on loudly. Would I be able to ever again? I will but I will be a grown-up and tall! and everything would look smaller. That's why I don't want to grow, really. But I believe firmly that it is possible to turn back time and I will be able to return in those summers.

 

This is not very relevant but lately I believe in ghosts a little. I mean where do the people go to after death? One cannot just disappear like that. Perhaps people start a new life somewhere in another galaxy or become ghosts. Do they even actually die? Maybe it is an obvious thing but I cannot imagine myself growing older and things like that.

 

Jul 3

 

School is never fun. We only got the test results back. Homemaking - 92, Art - 86, Science - 88 and Math - 77%. That's average for me I guess. Wish I had at least 80 for math.

 

I was in a good mood today when I went to the English class. I wore a new dress. It is a blue and white checker pattern and I look so cute in it! I just need earrings...

 

Jul 4

 

Yuki is now in the writing wave. By the wave I mean a state when people get really excited about something and can't stop thinking about it. So Yuki now keeps thinking about a story she wants to write imagining her life in America. She made up all of the names but she house she describes is imitating the house of her acquaintances. That should be an interesting read! The best thing is that she only told me about it I think! I am not into anything at the moment, maybe just being excited about getting my ears pierced in 2 weeks. I get bored with writing stories. However I did help Yuki come up with names and gave her ideas about the themes to write about.

 

In the evening mum told me again that I should start wearing a bra. And that in front of dad! I withheld my embarrassment and anger and told her that I am disgusted to even think about it. How can mum not understand that it's not something you can say in front of dad or anyone else for that matter? She never seems to get embarrassed and and walks around in her underwear in front of the windows, while telling me to shut the curtains at night. Am I going to become like this? I hope not. In any case, I don't want to get married.

 

Jul 5

 

Some time ago I made a wish that I would become less smart but have a better singing voice instead. I am not sure if I meant it. In any case, it may have come true because the total of scores this time was 432. That's the worst ever! Although I had a 4th place when I scored at 434 but this time is looking disastrous. Ah how unfair! How do the other manage to study so well? I want to get a 2nd place!! It's terrible... How can I get rid of my carelessness?

Jul 7

 

There is a girl at school who does not like me for some reason, just out of the blue. I like her myself and I never did anything bad to her. She often says mean things to me. Like today during the cleaning I got a broom out. She told me that I should mop today because I swept yesterday. As it was true, I got out a dustcloth and waited for the floor to be swept. Someone asked me why am I lazing around and I said that I am waiting because the floor is till messy. That girl was nearby and she mumbled something like "why don't you sweep it yourself" and that I am annoying. And what had I done? Nothing!

 

Jul 8

 

In the afternoon and hang out in the street for about 4 hours. I wore a swimsuit underneath my clothes and we were going to splash in water but dad didn't let me. So mean! As I expected, he said something about it being a game for 2 year olds. So I went back home and did homework for there was nothing else to do. It was an amazing weather outside but.