When Dark Clouds Come

Chapter Twelve

12

 

We sat silent for the next half hour, and I kept feeding the fire. Both of us would look at the lake. I didn’t know what she was thinking, but I became more troubled now. And worried about the guy the same time, I hoped he wasn’t freaking out. Things sure change in a hurry when something alters it. If he can’t swim, then why venture out? Why not say something? He was so calm about it. I knew something was strange. And the way uncle was talking. Everything didn’t seem to add up. Something was a miss; for them to go out like that. I felt it.

Listen to me, I’m starting to sound like an old women. But my insides were telling me different. I never said anything to upset Riana. I only thought these. I figured one more beer, will take those thoughts away. I cracked it open, and it sounded like someone or something, was telling me to be quiet.

Then the wind blew, it made the water ripple. I looked out on the water then up at the treetops, to see if my mind wasn’t playing tricks on me. They weren’t moving in this ghost wind. I glanced at Riana; her hair was floating as it blew. I looked at the water again; there was a whirlwind. And it danced on the water; it was like a mini tornado. A dust devil, I watched as it danced towards where uncle and Christian were, in that direction.

My heart began to beat a little faster. I was now estranged. I leaned forward as I watched this dust devil leave from us. Little ripples in the water unnoticed. A storm was a brewing. A sign of something that was about to happen, I could smell it in the air. I only hope uncle could see the signs, or sense it like I have. Christian, I began to wonder about him. I became worried for him. A person I hated only moments ago now became my family.

My worst fears about to come to a reality; a storm was coming in. out across the vast waters, you can see the dark clouds forming off in a distance, as sparks within lit the clouds. Here on land they don’t seem bad, but out on the open water. It’s a whole different story. Those clouds roll pretty fast when your out there, land doesn’t seem to come any faster as you race towards it. The waves get bigger as you try to fight them. It’s not so much about the wind or the rain; it’s you against the waves that scare me. I don’t know what it is like out in the ocean, but here in the fresh water. It’s scary as hell.

I only hope they make it to one of the little Islands out there, to ride out the storm. I feared for Christian, how would he be. For a person who can’t swim out in the open water, he was probably terrified. I heard the thunder roll as it came. The clouds would light up in the lightning. I stared out towards where I figure they’d be. I began to feel remorse on how I was thinking, and what I thought of the guy.

I then remembered the two-way radio’s, I ran inside thinking maybe he was giving a distress call. I searched for it frantically. I found them both. This was unlike uncle, he never go out with out the radio. I sobered up pretty quick; I mean buzz had gone away. What was he thinking? What was going on?

I tried to settle myself down, I was thinking crazy. The booze was making me act like that. I know, I know. I was over reacting. I rubbed my hand through my hair, and told myself to stop thinking crazy. I probably freaked out Riana as I now come to some senses. And I smirked thinking of how I have looked. A crazy drunk running around, I laughed to myself as I visualized it. I should say something, to let her know. I’m not crazy! I may be a little on the sauced side, but not insane.

 

The next day, I awoke to the sky rumbling. Riana began to worry and asked questions. I didn’t know how to answer them; I did my best to try to calm her. Word was going around that uncle and Christian were missing. As the storm was still about, I hoped they made it to one of the Islands.

The sky had seemed hungry as it rumbled. I couldn’t sit still. I was worried and afraid. Riana kept babbling, making me more agile. I needed to get away from her. I strolled out to the docks; I didn’t care about the rain. I stood there looking out on the water. My head and clothes drenched, the rain streaming down my face hid my tears. I couldn’t imagine what they were going through.

I began to think of all the things I said about Christian, those awful thoughts. And then I remembered. “I hope you rot in hell…” my heart squeezed together. I felt ashamed, I felt like scum. It was the worst feeling you could ever have. I wished I could take that back. “I’m sorry Christian, I never meant it. I never meant those things. God please, I’m sorry.” With my head down, it’s one thing I cannot take back. It will haunt me forever.

I wept, pleading with God. To keep them safe, so I wouldn’t feel horrible about everything. How could I face, or even bring myself to look in the mirror everyday. I was condemned. I hated myself for those thoughts, how selfish, how stupid. What kind of person am I to think that way? If anything happens I don’t think I could live with myself. I am weak, weary, saddened and torn apart by the voices in my head. I would go and look for them when the storm recedes. I have too.

            There are some things I keep to myself, and others I have written down, to a number of journals I have, some in my head, my inner voices and others on pages. Some journals are torn from another book, and others are rewritten. I never thought I would share these intimate words. These secret passages from my journals let alone to share my inner demons. Those that bothered me, haunting me, blowing within like a storm inside. Pages of my darkest secrets describe what I feel. It feels as though it still rages within. I am not sure if any blood runs through me, I still feel cold like I do when tear drops fall. I am burdened with grief. Savagely torn by my own thoughts. What a wretched man I am.

Reviews

[Lily Mae]

The inner storm and outer storm.. oh man these last few chapters have taken my breath away.. I can feel that inner knowing you had..the flutter of your heart..x

[Norma M Sutton]

The undercurrent of remorse in this chapter is palatable.