Bleeding Rose

for a dying soul

Her hands reached up, shockingly, blindly, her vision growing blurry, but she wanted to reach out for it, the light. Gently, gracefully her fingers touched the smoothness of the petals, the rose bush near her, the light shined over it. She moved her frail fingers over the thin dark green stem and went to pick it. The flower that appeared before her eyes, the light disappeared, a good thing, bad thing, why be left in the darkness… As she pulled on the petals trying to pull the rose down to her, it was glue, stuck not enough strength to even pull on the stem, the thin stem. Finally, it broke, but it was too late, her hand slid off the stem up to petals and pulling them all off the flower. She laid there the petals falling gracefully like snow around her. Slowly, slowly her eyes mixed the dark color of the petals into drops of red rain. Her head turned to the side as her hand fell. All that was left was a petal in her hand in a puddle of blood.

Author's Note

comments please =)

Reviews

[Dutch Jr.]

Nice piece, but watch the -ly verbs. I tend to use them a lot, too, but I'm trying to rid myself of them. They actually weaken writing. Try to find way to reword the sentences where the adverbs are not needed. Other than that, this is a great, descriptive write.

[Crowley]

Sad and very descriptive, a final reach for what we love and a partially failed attempt, except for that one thing...and maybe thats enough. I liked it.

[Bridget Mcmaken]

WOW I love this poem. as I was reading it I could see it like I was there. very nice work.

[J.Black]

YOU ARE A GREAT WRITER ASHLEY! Excellent imagery!

[Kanattas Atir Enomo]

good job with your imagery and overall concept. you did a good job of making your message clear and i could really picture this. i agree with devon on the structure though. it's not really set up like a poem, and i don't quite get why some writers do that

[X]

woow the gore is amazing, is this talking about suicide?

[Devons]

This is a really nicely envisaged scene, employing the symbol of the rose to compliment and emphasise tenderly the plight of this woman's last moments. Like a metaphor for her existence. It's rather like a tragic final scene in a movie. Nicely done.
The only thing that bothers me is...why is this categorized as a poem..? Is it not prose/flash fiction (as they call it)... If it is a poem then should it not appear in poetic form, not in a complete paragraph... I've seen quite a few people do the same thing (it's not just you),and I can't quite figure out the justification..

[Mauricio Montoya]

So by violating the rose brought on her death. You leave me wondering but I like how this piece comes together
Excellent write.

[Levioshock]

well done ^_^

[r]

I can clearly see it in my head, and it's awesome. I love the ending, and it's a beautiful poem.

[Marie Harrison]

I keep wondering about the light. It's mysterious write, filled with blood and beautiful rose petals. Loved it!