Let Me Give My Heart to You

Let me let you break my heart in two

Let me give my heart to you

Let me let you split it in two

Let me give you something no one else has

Let me give you my heart locked in Alcatraz

I know you’re gonna break me

I know you said you won’t 

I know when you say, “I love you”

I know you mean you don’t

It’s hard for me to trust you

It’s hard for me to stay

It’s hard for me not to love you

But my brain doesn’t get a say

My heart likes to control me

My heart speaks so blaringly

It’s been broken so many times

I fear no one will care for me

So let me give my heart to you

Let me let you split it in two

Let me let you be the one for which I settle

While I sit here counting flower petals…

Author's Note

I saw this picture online and thought, "I could make a poem outta that"
So I did :) Keeping my negligent boyfriend, who hasn't talked or answered a text from me in like two weeks, in mind while I made it :)
I couldn't decide which picture would go better with the poem, so I just put two.
As always, comments/reviews are welcome!! ❤️

Reviews

[Greg Gorman]

Giving your heart to someone is one thing, but letting them split it in two is something else. Only you have the power to let people in. If there is someone who doesn't allow to be let in, why do it?
You mention your heart locked away in Alcatraz. Is this for protection? Are you safeguarding it because you don't want anything to happen to it? Again, why do it if you are offering someone the chance to split it in to. This seems like something special. Something that hasn't been given away before.
You know something is coming. You don't believe this person but you are still willing to open yourself up and give something to them. Why? I don't understand why you would do this. You clearly have feelings for this person but those feelings don't appear to be reciprocated. You're allowing this person to remain in your circle. In your life. Do they deserve this? Do they deserve to keep this. Why? They say they love you. Do you love them? Do you love them more than they love you? Maybe they just like you. Either way, seems like you deserve more than this. They're just saying they love you. Are they doing anything to demonstrate that or is it just words? Empty rhetoric.
It's hard to trust. It's hard to believe. The brain tries but the heart wants what the heart wants. The brain knows better but the heart is a powerful thing to overcome. Is the hear that strong if you're not sure you want to stay? I get it. I was in a situation like that. I stayed because I thought I was supposed to stay. When I did leave, I was glad I did. It turned out to be best for me.
Your heart controls you. How? How does something that has been hurt tell you to stay so often? How does the brain not recognize that? How does the brain not remind the heart what has happened in the past? Study anatomy? The brain controls the organs, the muscles and the functions. Right? If only it were that easy. Habits are a hard thing to break. Your heart has been broken. You've been disappointed. What's going to happen? Will you ever meet someone who will really love you? Someone who will really care for you? After so much pain you wonder if you will ever get what you deserve.
Here is your heart. You're resigned to what you think is your fate. You are telling yourself this is as good as it's going to get. Unfortunately, everyone seems to read this except the person it's written for or to. You're sharing your emotions. Where is the support? Good imagery with Alcatraz. A cold, hard place. A prison. You're saying what you want, what you need and what you are willing to do for other people. Here is my heart. The most precious, vulnerable thing a person can offer.

[Coyote Poetry]

You are right dear poet. When we give our love away. We give part of us away.
"o let me give my heart to you
Let me let you split it in two
Let me let you be the one for which I settle
While I sit here counting flower petals…"
I liked the above closure of the poem. Counting the flower petals and making dandelions wishes. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry. I did like this one.
Coyote

[Nix is typing...]

Thanks, Coyote :)))
I really appreciate the review!! :)))

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome my dear friend.

[♔ CrownedDevil &#..]

It’s hard for one to trust another, especially if that one person hasn’t had very good experiences. But everyone has to take risks and take a leap of faith because most times it will work out. I love you’re write, it really captivates the things that others might be thinking about when they start to get involved in a new relationship.

[Nix is typing...]

Thank you!! I actually broke up with the person I wrote this about, a day after I wrote this because he hasn't talked to texted me in the past two weeks, and I just said, "You know what? What's the point? You keep ghosting me, we're done"
This poem was really actually about my self-hated (yk...being a teenager and all) and punishing myself by telling myself I'll die alone if I don't settle for a guy that's a completely negligent d*ck.
Thanks for your read and review!!!

[♔ CrownedDevil ☾]

It still doesn’t hurt to give something a go, and even if it doesn’t work out at least you learnt from it. I thought the same way but you will find someone that will amazing and treat you like a queen. It just takes time, you’re still young. I’m 23 years old, and I’ve been through a lot of abuse 8 years of it by two different people. I didn’t think I was good enough for anyone, until I met my fiancé and I’m really happy now if it can happen to me it will happy for you ☺️

[Nix is typing...]

Thanks, LDC. :) I know I learned to not be with a guy that doesn't treat me right. Even though a lot of my childhood was abuse so I'm pretty much used to it. I hope to find someone someday that will appreciate all of my weirdness. Congrats on the engagement!!! :)
I hope y'all live a long and happy life together!!

[♔ CrownedDevil ☾]

I know you will, and thank you ☺️

[Haley]

This is enticing and entrapping, much like giving your heart away and hoping they treat it well. It's hard to be so vulnerable, but also to learn how to balance the heart and the mind (re-your bf, who better have texted you since posting!)

Great job!

[Nix is typing...]

Lol, he actually hasn't, I broke up with him a day after I posted this, or at least I tried. I texted him, and he still hasn't even responded to my break up text. So does that even count as a break up?
Thanks for your review, Haley :)))

[Haley]

Omg, but also good!! And yes, I'm proud of you! A break up is a break up no matter how it's dealt haha. :)

[AJNJ]

What a fantastic piece of writing! You are up there with the very best. Your grasp of metaphors is superb and I can see that from the reference to Alcatraz! Wow! Kudos on this ocean of emotions you release on the paper.

[Nix is typing...]

Thank you AJNJ!!! That's one of the highest of compliments!! I appreciate your review so so so much!!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

the heart will go where it wants to, regardless of the danger...
we just have to live with the repercussions of either regret we fought to keep it in place,
or regret that we once again let it be broken.
j.

[Nix is typing...]

I'm really glad you understand my poem, Jacob. I feel like it's sent mixed messages as to what it means, reading all the comments. See, let me explain: my now ex-boyfriend, who I just broke up with this morning, has been extremely negligent of me for the past couple of weeks, not talking to me, not answering a single text, avoiding me, and in case you didn't know, I need constant TLC from a boyfriend, and he provided the exact opposite. So with my self-hatred and everything, I've convinced myself that I'll die alone if I don't settle for someone that's a complete and total d*ck. I'm glad you understand, I feel like everyone else thinks it's a love poem when it's the exact opposite. I hope what I said makes sense. Thanks so much for your insightful review, Jacob. It's greatly appreciated.

Nix ❤️

[pastors03]

Wow... once I started reading your poem, I just could not stop I thought someone was writing a poem about me...I felt every word... keep up the good work... pastors03

[Nix is typing...]

I'm glad you could feel every word, Pastors03 :)

Thanks for your review :)
read moreI'm glad you could feel every word, Pastors03 :)

Thanks for your review :)

Nix ❤️

[red93]

Nice words Nix, nicely put together and expressed. I hope that boyfriend treats you kind 👍👍👍👍👍

[Nix is typing...]

Thanks, Red. I'm seriously considering breaking up with him, I would, but it's pretty hard to break up with someone that doesn't talk to you.
Thanks for your read and review, Red!!! ❤️

[JayG]

Let me give my heart to you
Let me let you split it in two
Let me give you something no one else has
Let me give you my heart locked in Alcatraz
- - - -
Well, you do keep asking, so…

If you write structured poetry you need to write structured poetry. Here, you establish an ABAB rhyming structure in S1. But S2 is ABCB. S3 is ABAB, again, but you rhyme “you” with “you.” And S4 is ABCA.

Structured poetry isn’t just something that has rhyming words here and there, now and then.

Next: Look at S1L2: “Let me let you split it in two.” Assuming you mean break the protagonist’s heart, who in their right mind would start a relationship with that intent? But you needed a rhyme for “you,” so…

And: “Let me give you my heart locked in Alcatraz.” Seriously? Forgetting that Alcatraz is no longer a prison, and hasn’t been one since 1963, it doesn’t track. How can you break a heart that’s in some unknown way locked in prison?

The goal of rhyming poetry isn’t the rhyme, it’s part of the melody. The goal is giving the reader the thought in a way that moves them emotionally.

Part of how that’s done is to establish a rhythm, through what’s called prosody, plus, the accent given by the rhyming. Make the rhyme the purpose of the line and that “tink” of a bell becomes the thud of the bass drum.

Look at the opening stanza to the song, The Twelfth of Never:

You ask how much I need you, must I explain?
I need you, oh my darling, like roses need rain.
You ask how long I'll love you; I'll tell you true:
Until the twelfth of never, I'll still be loving you

Notice that while in L2, “rain” does rhyme with L1, it perfectly fits the allegorical construct of saying, “I need you like…” a theme that continues.

Notice, too, the trick in L1 where the author gives a reason for what follows: an asked question. That changes it from a declaration made for no known reason to the reply to a question. It’s a clever little trick that few notice, but phrased as it is, the reader has asked that question, and is getting the answer. So without our noticing, we’re placed into the story as a participant, and made to want to hear the answer.

Notice that every line begins on an unstressed syllable (Imbic):
“You ASK how MUCH I NEED you, must *I* exPLAIN?
I NEED you, OH my DARling, like ROSes need RAIN.

Notice, too, that each line has precisely 5 stressed syllables (called feet) to give a consistent rhythm. All structured poems don’t have that consistency, line-to-line, but in general, what you use for S1 is continued in each stanza.

In short, there’s a LOT to poetry that’s not obvious. And like fiction, we learn none of the techniques as part of our school-day education.

For a really great introduction to he basics of prosody and the flow of language, in general, take a look at the excerpt for Stephen Fry’s, The Ode Less Traveled, on Amazon.

And for a poem that will show you how a solid structure can get you tapping your toe to the beat of a poem, take a read of Robert Service’s, The Cremation of Sam McGee, on Shmoop. It’s a fun bit of nonsense that made the man a fortune over 100 years ago, and still has the power to pull in the reader, and provide a smile at the end. And after you read it, check the following pages for an analysis of what makes it work so well.
https://www.shmoop.com/cremation-sam-mcgee/poem-text.html

You did ask…

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/

[T.S. Ulmus]

Thank you for defining the strict rules of poetry we should all adhere to.

[JayG]

You do keep requesting comment. So...

And, you're assuming they're 'rules." They're not. They're the techniques that have proven to work, developed over more than 1000 years.They don't stifle creativity, they multiply your options, and help you avoid the mistakes that most beginners make.

“If you steal from one author, it’s plagiarism; if you steal from two, its research.”
~ Wilson Mizner

[Audrey M.]

I wish I could say it gets better, but it won't unless you're one of the lucky few that meet the man of your dreams and he turns out to be everything you want. Idk if he exists but if he does somehow, ask if he has an older brother, lol. Some of this i can relate to. Here let me just hand you my heart so you can send it to ruins, dude. Don't mind me I been in my own feelings about stuff. But this was heartfelt, good job, girlie!

[Nix is typing...]

Yeah...those guys are super HARD TO FIND.
Lol. I'm glad you could relate. :)
It's really actually about my self-hated (yk...being a teenager and all) and punishing myself by telling myself I'll die alone if I don't settle for a guy that's a completely negligent dick. Thank you for reading and review, LNM :)

Nix ❤️