Day 8

Day 8

For reasons I will not discuss, last night I found myself on an uneven grassy plain, in a tent, without a blanket. I could not sleep, partly because some people were using my tent as a “hot-box,” which made breathing a challenge, and partly because it was raining cats and dogs outside together with everyone inside the farmhouse making lots of noise, prats.

I got up at five to check the damage, it was detestable. There was broken glass everywhere, kids lying around looking like corpses, people passed out under cheap blankets on couches, I had no respect for them, which made what I saw next even more heart-breaking.

She is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen, she does work for charities. She is pure, kind and noble. There she lay, under a cheap blanket, surrounded by what most would not consider inviting company. Her face changed from a vacant drunken stare to a beautiful smile when she said hello. That’s when I realised she was not what she appeared to be.

I am not excusing myself from being involved with this type of company, but this was one of the few times that I could see what the higher class people get up to. The difference between my relationship with those total dickheads, and her relationship with them: I went to bed at 11, and tried to fall asleep in a tent, she stayed awake and drunk, and was awarded a bed inside the house.

This was her crowd, and that broke my heart. It must not be ignored that I am jealous, certain people act a certain way to attract a certain type of person, but I really thought that a girl so seemingly perfect would not be attracted to mean-spirited, under-developed oxygen thieves.

She sent me a message on my birthday a few weeks ago, telling me how amazing and Jesus-like I am, but she told me to not let it go to my head. What I didn’t tell her then, but am sure of now, is that I don’t believe her.

We never really spoke, so not only has she no idea of knowing what I am actually like, she clearly has a distorted view of what a good person is like. Therefore if I'm wrong and she told the truth in her message, I am not as good of a person as I thought, and that makes me a little sad.