Day 19

Day 19

I have always been one for fantasies.

I’m not talking about sprouting wings and flying around Middle Earth, even though that would be pretty f*****g cool. I am talking about fantasies of me standing in front of huge crowds, getting my name chanted as if I was Stephen Colbert. I would do any number of things to blow all of their f*****g minds, including singing, dancing, stand-up and even delivering one of those pretentious motivational speeches which are only effective if everyone listening is in the the exact same state of mind and has the exact same priorities as the person speaking. Alternatively I would save one of the many girls, who rejected me, from certain death and we would have sex immediately afterword, but I digress.

I am mentioning this today because I assume that everyone fantasises, but what is the use?

We seem to want so much more than what we have that it actually starts to seem ungrateful, but we can’t help ourselves. I want to be famous, a genius, a world-renowned painter, a sex machine and so many other things that give a person some form of substance. I want to be meaningful. I want to be valuable. The problem is that I also don’t want to be famous. I also want to keep everything to myself and keep my talents, few as they may be, between me and the God who bestowed them upon me. Being humble is seen in my religion and by myself personally as the most righteous of values.

I just want everyone to know how f*****g humble I am.

That’s the way things go I guess. You can’t stay true to all your values at all times, and you can’t be completely content with your lot in life. We are neither meant to be great, nor are we meant to be insignificant. It can get really difficult to balance a life so that it is meaningful yet not boastful.

At least we have our fantasies to keep us company. That’s where we can play around with our ego and foster a dream. Behind our modest smiles our fantasies drive us steadily forward, like a steam engine drives a locomotive, so that we may live lives that we look back on with gratitude.