Forsaken

       

I just said it. I couldn’t believe it. She was finally here…and…I just said it! God! This was great. I finally got that off my chest. There was one more thing, however, I had to say. But that could wait. She probably had no idea who was really. All she knew me by was Devon from Biology class. Please, Juliet. Let me be your Romeo!

                Joy and anxiety flooded through me as we stood in silence. She just stared at me, no emotion showing through her eyes. I became nervous. What if she said no? I hadn’t prepared for rejection. But why would she say no? She wouldn’t…would she? Oh god! What if she thought I was some weirdo who was obsessed or something? Which, I guess I was kind of obsessed…but it was because of how felt. I just wanted to be with her. Maybe I had just made an incredibly huge mistake. S**T!

                I stared deeper into her eyes, hoping she’d show some sign of acknowledging my question. Then I saw it. Her lips began to open. I clenched my fists in anticipation, hope rising within me.

                “Do you even know my name?” she asked her voice unchanging and slightly curious.

                What? The question had caught me off guard. Did I know her name? No…I suppose I didn’t. It had just occurred to me that all these years I had known her just as Juliet. I had never bothered to learn her real name. She was staring at me, expecting an answer. Wait…not staring…gazing. There seemed to be a slight bit of hope in her eyes. What was she hoping for? That I knew it? I didn’t though! S**t!

                “I…um. Well…no,” I mumbled, afraid my voice would completely break if I tried speaking too loud. I spoke loud enough for her to hear though. I looked up, expecting to see that beautiful face, unemotional as always. Maybe even slightly hurt or amused that I didn’t know her name. No. There was anger. Disgust.

                “You’re all the same.”

                This shocked me. “What?”

                “You. You f*****g preps. You don’t even bother to learn someone’s name. You date people for the fun of it. You are all the same. You’re all f*****g w****s and b******s. I hate every single one of them. Especially you. Go to hell!” She hissed, venom flowing through her words, each one striking me in the heart, poisoning me. I didn’t know what to say. What could I say? Those words…God…the pain.

                She glared at me a moment longer then quickly turned, storming back to her friends. I was still standing there when the bell rang. My knees began to buckle under the pressure of my own body. It was all my heart. It had become a solid weight, dropping heavily on top of me, crushing me. Those words…Those words… “I hate every single one of them! Especially you!”  They killed me. They flung daggers through my heart.

                She was right though. That was what hurt the most. She was right! I hadn’t bothered to learn her name. Even after I found it was her, I had never once thought to ask Brian or any of the other students her name. God! What a loser! I should’ve tried harder! And what was I going to do if she did become mine? Try and change her? God! She was perfect the way she was. I had no right to even consider converting who she had chosen to be. So selfish! God! I didn’t deserve her. I don’t what made me think she’d ever be mine.

                I crumpled over, drowning in my own sorrow. I refused to leave when the janitors asked me to return to class. I continued to sit there on the floor, feeling lowly and pathetic. Finally I walked to the office and called my mother, telling her I had become ill. She quickly came to pick me up. I knew in the state I was in, school would be an impossible task. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t live without her. I had to have her. Even if I had to kill myself in the process, I would do whatever it took to make her happy.