Are you Crazy?

XD

 

                So here I was again. Watching her sleep. But this time was different. Much different. Things were more…intense? Maybe? No. That wasn’t the word. Perhaps just tense. That sounded better. Though I still didn’t understand. It was all so freaking confusing!

                I sighed and closed my eyes, running my hands through my hair. Maybe this time I wouldn’t see him. A sudden flash of canary yellow hair matted in crimson invaded the darkness. Those eyes wide open in terror, silently screaming as I pulled the trigger. I could see his body fall onto the bed, the note flying from his hands. He had been planning on killing himself anyway. In the end, it worked out well for me. But it was for her. He hated himself for hurting her. He truly cared about her. But I could never tell her that. My best bet was to keep believing she hated him, and was relieved when she found out he died. If she knew how sorry he was…she might change her mind.

                I couldn’t bare the flashbacks any longer. I jerked my eyes open and stood from the old wooden chair I had sat beside the bed. One of the legs was slightly shorter, so it wobbled ferociously as I jolted out of it. I turned away and walked towards the window, resting my head on the glass. It was the only window that hadn’t been broken. Outside, the trees shook unforgivably as rain pelted hard against the roof and branches. Large puddles had begun to form near the front door. If it flooded, then the house would go down, just like that. It wasn’t sturdy enough to support itself in a storm, much less two human beings. I thought about waking her and continuing on the journey before the thunder and lightning began. But she looked so at ease I just didn’t have the heart.

                I needed something to distract me from my thoughts. Thinking of Draco pissed me off, and thinking of her made me want to shoot myself. Maybe I should create an escape route…map out somewhere to go that way we wouldn’t be running aimlessly in every direction.                 No. I was too tired. Mapping needed full concentration and planning. Now wasn’t the time.

                Instead I thought about her, bitter thoughts clouding my mind as I remembered the way she cried…the way she suddenly seemed so helpless. Like, she actually needed me. Nah. I was crazy. There was no way. I had begun only believing what I wanted to believe. God how I craved to have her love me back. She never would. It was hopeless.

But why had she come with me? She didn’t have to…she chose to. She said it was because she was guilty as well, but that couldn’t have been it. She wasn’t guilty. Of anything. But she had come along anyway. It had been a compulsive decision, I supposed, because she hadn’t said anything about going until we arrived in the forest.

“Follow the river,” she had told me. “It’ll take you somewhere far, and don’t forget to travel through the water and mud, that way they won’t be able to pick up your scent. Be careful, Romeo.”

Those words already made me want to melt. But as I walked away, things only got better. I still could feel her long, warm arms wrapping around my waist. I couldn’t move as she laid her against my back, pulling my closer to her. Such a sincere hug. That was when she told me she was going with me.

“Are you crazy?” I had asked her.

She only smiled in response and muttered, “Maybe.”

That was it. That one little word was all it took to render my helpless. I had already been weakened be her embrace, but that ‘maybe’ destroyed me. I just wish I knew why it had affected me so bad. I remained silent as she tagged along. Don’t let her do this! My head kept screaming. Make her go back! She doesn’t need to go. This is isn’t her burden.

But I never told her to go back. I remained silent and allowed her to follow me, trailing behind like a lost puppy. We hadn’t spoken a word since then. It had been nothing but awkward silence. She never asked why I had killed him. She never asked if I was scared or what I planned to do. She just followed me. And I loved it. I loved every minute of it. My selfish wants had overcome my common sense. I knew she needed to stay home, she was innocent after all. She hadn’t done anything. Yet I allowed her to follow me. I asked her to go back once, I believe. She simply shook her head, and me, being the selfish jackass that I was, didn’t object.

Her life was over now. All because of me. Maybe I could tell her I forgot something at her house and leave her there. I could run faster than her, so she wouldn’t be able to catch up. Then she’d be home and I could continue to run. So what if I got caught? As long as she was safe from harm. I couldn’t let her live a life on the run. Once the police discovered it was no suicide, they would make the connection between Draco, Elissa, and myself. They would find us. And when they did…I knew what I tell them. The only way I could keep her from being in trouble with the police. She would hate me forever, but I had to do it.