CHAPTER ELEVEN

            “So, how’s you and Chad? Is he doing anything against you?” I asked out of nowhere while we were at our school cafeteria.

            “No. Nothing.”

            “Are you still… you know.”

            She finished her soda and flattened her soda can, “I told you I’m never in loved with him.”

            “Okay then, so you won’t mind if I’ll say this…”

            “Say what?” Her eyes widened, locked to mine. “Oh my god Frances, no.”

            “NO! That’s not what you’re thinking.” I cleared my throat, “Chad is my cousin.”

            “F**k no.” she laughed so hard, “Is it April 1^st today?” then she laughed again, tearing.

            “It’s true. It’s so annoying. Have to live with him at the same roof. Temporarily.”

            “At least not permanent, bright side.”

            “So please don’t go to our house for a while? If you won’t mind? Honestly, I don’t want you guys see each other. Though you do here in school. But---”

            “Yes I get it. And I promise it won’t happen again.” I smiled at her while I eat my Caesar salad.

            “By the way, will you go at the PP tomorrow?”

            “Still thinking about it though.”  I said as I eye my plate.

            “Oh c’mon,” she grabbed my plate of salad away from me. “Come or I’ll throw this away… or maybe eat it.” She said not in a mean attitude.

            I took it again, “I’ll try.”

            “But Dane’s waiting for you there…”

            “And so?”

            “Don’t be such a meanie, give that guy a chance.” I didn’t respond

            “He’s been telling me how much he misses you. As what we all know, you guys just met once.” I just sighed.

            “I don’t know what’s wrong with you, he’s a nice guy.”

            Finally I said, “Not the type of mine?”

            “You can say that because you don’t totally know him yet.”

            “If you like him, just go for him.”

            “Nope, I want you both together. You’d be a perfect couple.”

            “I’m the boring and geek type, he’s the party type. He even smokes pots for sure. Definitely, not.”

            “Definitely wrong.”

            “What then?”

            “Give yourself a chance to know him more and you’ll eat everything that you’re saying right now. Trust me. I know how much you hate badass guys and I won’t let you fall for that. Don’t you trust me?” I just looked at her blankly. I’m thinking.

            “That means yes! He’ll be happy for sure.” I just smiled.

I don’t know. I’m confused at this very moment. I like Jacey, everything I see reminds me of him. I like Him because of his “cool” personality. He acts cold most of the times but I don’t know, he seems so mature and decent and I feel like I’ll look like a trash if we’d be together. And Dane? His charisma. His smile. His built body. His wavy brown hair. His eyes. Can’t deny, I like him too. But I hate to think that he’s been having pots. And I don’t like party guys. The image of that to me is, guys who just hook up to a girl that night and a different girl again for the next day. I mean, I think if Dane will be my boyfriend? We won’t last longer than weeks. And I can say that once I loved a person, I love him so much that I’m in the point where I’m being so selfish. Mine is mine. I can make that love last forever. And �" I got interrupted by a phone call.

            “Pick it up.” Empress smiled at me, “I’ll just go to the washroom for a while.” Then she left.

            And so I did, “Yes?”

            “Uhm, Frances?” Oh Dane’s voice was so good over the phone. Sounds like he’s tired; Sexy. “Will you go tomorrow?” I heard a soft cough.

            “Are you sick?”

            “No I’m good, I just got tired of my paper works, that I almost forgot my own health.”

            “Oh, take some meds then. I think you should just rest, you don’t need to go at the PP tomorrow.” Yes, I’m worried. His voice sounds like he’s dying. Rough and tired, plus coughs and sniffs.

            “Does that mean you rejected my invitation again?”

            “Yes, I mean no. It’s for your own good ok. I mean, there are more Fridays to come anyways.”

            “But I can’t wait for the entire week to see you again.” My heart skipped a beat.

            “Don’t make me feel guilty Dane, don’t.” I whispered to myself loudly enough that he heard it.

            “I’m not. And I won’t. I want to see you. I---” he breathed. I heard him breathed.

            “I miss you.”

            “Dane…”

            “Please see me tomorrow. Please.”

            “I don’t want to see you awful… it will make me sad.” It slipped through my mouth.

            “You care for me…”

            “Of course, you’re my friend… right?” then sighed.

            “Ok then. I’ll just rest tomorrow. See you soon.”

            “Bye, get well soo---” he hung up.

I didn’t realize Empress was at my back all the time listening to me.

            “WHOOAAA..” she started to sing, “ANOTHER HEARTBREAKER… ANOTHER ONE CRYING TONIGHT…”

            “Stop!” I said annoyed, I feel guilty. “Is that even a song Empress?”

            “You hurt him. He’s sick. And now he’s having emotional pain. How could you?”

            “I know, I know. But what? It’s true! We’re just friends. We just saw each other once.”

            “Because you’ve been saying no to him that’s why you never saw each other again.”

            “So you’re like blaming me?” I unconsciously raised my voice that some people from the cafeteria looked at me. I calmed myself. “I just don’t want to see him in that awful case…”

            “You care.” She smirks, “What are you trying to say?”

            “I don’t know.” Yeah, I don’t know, I feel so lost. I want Jacey.

Time flew so fast that it’s dismissals time. I’m still thinking about Jacey and Dane. I walked home, went straight to my room; disoriented. I don’t know what to do.

            “Honey, want some pop tarts?” Mom said loudly as I walked up the stairs.

            “Still full. Had pizza.” I tried not to sound dead or what, “I got tired mom, I’ll rest early tonight.” Then I closed my door.

I found 1 message; I expected it to be from Dane. I was wrong, it’s from Jacey.

            i think we cant make this thing work? I’m sorry. Guilt is killing me.

I replied: What do you mean?

He replied in a split second: im sorry frances.

Me: did you just force yourself?

Him: yes, because you’ve been so nice to me. you’re perfect. but how much I tried, you’re just like a sister to me.

Me: after everything? I never told you to force yourself.

Him: I know. Im sorry, maybe it’s time for you to see someone else, it’s better that way. You deserve better.

Me: I can’t. I just want you. For me you’re not a stranger anymore. Don’t leave me like this.

Him: When then?

Me: just don’t.

Him: i don’t want to hurt you and trust me, it’s for the better.

Me: are you gay?

Him: IM NOT. Trust me it’s for the better.

Me: Don’t.

Him: I’ll try.

“Are you gay?” means I’m desperate enough. But it’s true, I don’t want him to leave me. I didn’t reply anymore, I hid my phone at the table near my bed. Tears fell to my cheeks and I break down. I just broke someone’s heart earlier and now here I am, crying for someone… Karma’s a b***h. Then suddenly, someone’s calling me. Few rings before I finally realized someone’s calling me. I grabbed for it. It’s Dane again.

            “Hello?” I couldn’t control my shaking voice.

            “Are you okay?”

            “Are you okay… now? I said like I didn’t hear him

            “Yes I’m better, took some meds just like what you said.”

            “So you never had meds?”

            “Nope, I hate meds.”

            “Oh…” then tears fell again. I couldn’t stop it. I didn’t know why am I crying anymore; because of Jacey? Or Dane?

            “Going back, you sound like crying. Are you okay?”

            “I’m not Dane. I’m not okay.” Then I started to sob like a child who lost her mom at the grocery store.

            “Just let it out. It’s okay. Just cry.” I can visualize him smiling at me. I want to see his smile again.

            “I’m sorry for what I said earlier…”

            “ No. I’M sorry. I hung up. So bad boy-ish” he laughed, that too boyish laugh. Eargasm.

            “I’m sorry Dane. I know I hurt you. Forgive me.” Still sobbing.

            “Don’t tell me you’re crying because of that? Oh please, that won’t make me fall asleep.”

            “No, it’s not because of you. It’s because of someone else.”

            “Mind spilling it out? It will make you feel better.” His voice went soft

            “No, I can handle this. You heard me crying and I guess that’s enough.” I gave him little laughs then I wiped all the tears.

            “Sooooooo…”

            “So, tomorrow?”

            “REALLY?!” I could hear the excitement on his voice.

            “Yeah. See you tomorrow by 7pm.” I smiled though he couldn’t see it.

            “Thank you so much! I promise tomorrow will not be a waste in your time.”

            “You better make sure.” I laughed softly, “So, I have to end this now… I still have classes tomorrow, goodnight?”

            “Yes, good night Frances.” Then I hung up.

I didn’t know why I was still pushing myself to Jacey who was; (1) I never saw the face, (2) never wanting to see me, (3) forcing himself to stay and (4) just sister-zoned me. When there’s Dane who’s (1) every girl falls for, (2) still never gave up on me (as what I could see in his eagerness) and (3) dying to see me. I never realized that until now.