CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

        Dane had been busy for days, he told me that they will have a family reunion for 3 days. He was texting me good morning and good night though but we didn’t have any long talks. I understand. He’s always saying sorry for that and he said he’ll step up his game as a boyfriend when he got back. And I said everything’s fine. Really.

I was lying and relaxing on my bed. I feel so alone. No Dane, No Jacey. I feel like I’m missing one of them but I wasn’t so sure. Yes Dane’s my boyfriend but I don’t know. I don’t know what I was thinking. I texted Jacey.

          Hey, are you there? We need to talk.

He didn’t reply. So I sent the same message to him for like a hundred times until he replied.

Jacey: What do you want. Don’t flood my inbox. I almost threw my phone because it kept on beeping. It sucks ok.

Me: At least it made you reply.

Me: So…are you really not coming back?

What the heck Frances, do you even know what you’re saying?

Me: I mean, you’re my first love. I just can’t lose you.

SHUT UP FRANCES, YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND!

Jacey: You still have me. But not as what you want. You have me as your best friend, your brother.

Me: It won’t change?

Jacey: It won’t.

I’m still in love with him. Oh, I never thought I’ve been in loved with him though. I don’t know what I’m doing. Then I just randomly sent Dane an “I’m Sorry” message. He replied “For what babe?” but I didn’t reply anymore. At that very moment, I just felt like a b***h; insisting myself to someone who didn’t even like me and stabbing someone who loves me behind his back. 

Me: but would you stay?

Jacey: Yes, but I’ll still push you away.

After what he said, I realized that’s my limit to stop. For the whole night I’ve been staring in my room’s ceiling and walls. Reflecting on what I did with my life, enumerating all my bad decisions and the good ones and if I have benefit to it. Do my decisions build me? or ruin me? Okay that’s it. I should stop. That’s my cue to stop.

Me: Actually, I already have a boyfriend.

Jacey: Good then, thank God.

I hate him now. If I could punch him in the face, I would. I started to cry, but not because of the pain. It’s because of the anger ranging on my veins. Angry because he’s a complete fucked up a*****e and Angry because of me being so dumb falling and chasing him. I felt so stupid.

We can’t see things coming. What if Jacey came back and beg for us to start all over again? What should I do? I should learn how to say no. He hurt me. That’s enough. He made me looked stupid and worthless. That’s enough. He hurt me a lot of times, no doubt that he can hurt me again, even more painful than what he did to me before. If he came back begging, I’d swore to myself, I’ll be the one saying NO to him. That there’s no chance at all and my decisions won’t change at all. He better leave.

It’s too late.